forum wacky things your characters say

Started January 26, 2019 by @croccin-champagne

tune

what are some of the weirdest or funniest things your characters have said?

These few quotes are from my Elemental Lord of Fire, Lord Inferno:

"WHAT IN HOLY HELL?! BUGS! I HATE BUGS AS MUCH AS I HATE COLD!!!"
"Well…fuck you too mountains…rocks…stupid cold…"
"Caught my attention…why, all them beautiful girls."

Then a few from my Phoenix:

"Oh, funny seeing you here Orochi. What with all this damn RAIN!!! You know I friggen hate water."
"Pretty bird…you know, you and I could go somewhere else to be loud."
"I was not a baby I will let you know. I was a fluffy chick for your information. Hatched in a volcano…though now that I think back, I think I might've fallen out of the nest once…BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

LOLOLOL I NEED TO READ THIS BOOK

Some quotes from "Through Hell And Back", a messy co-op story im workin on.

"I just kinda showed up on a bench… as weird as that sounds i just kinda poofed onto a bench."
"Audry, your new friend almost killed meeee."
"Thy're Owwz, se dosnt carr."
“I didn’t fuck anyone!”
“Awesome, may I come closer or will I lose another limb?”
“This hobo hobbled in here and threw a carton of eggs at me… Then slipped and fell, knocking over the thing of flour…”
“Yeah, just an arm. Sadly I’d rather not be carrying a 6000 watt laser everywhere.”

It makes sense to add some of my own.
~“She’s listening to the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack again. It happens every time. Literally the same exact thing, bugles and tears included.” -working title 'bad decisions and a whole lotta gaaayy'
~Of course, this isn’t particularly important at the moment. Right now, my instant noodles and the phone call from the public library in Cap Trident, New Jersey, were. -fatal attraction
~“Are you talking to a cat? And is that cat dead?”-fatal attraction, again
~“Can ghosts even legally get married?" -also fatal attraction
~“Only twice? How do you even learn how to do something like this?”
“WikiHow.”
“Oh Lord , i’m going to die.” -my famous seance scene in fatal attraction
~“Spirits, heed my call with haste, your time I promise not to waste. We seek advice for troubles ahead, so hats off honey we’re summonin’ the dead. Abigail and Leanna Ramirez, I’m hittin' you up for help.” -istg this book

"Yeet!" "Stop tryin' to be like the kids, you're as old as time."

"I don't know any assassins, actually."
"Shame. I hear they're an absolute delight at party games."

"Well, if it isn't everyone's least favorite god of Death."

"Did he really kill dozens of wraiths?"
"Pfft. No. He killed like one and a half."

"Congratulations, you aren't color blind."

"Hey Es, is that a chicken?"

"I'm guessing you were the one who released Macbeth under the table during dinner?" this one with or without context was hilarious to me

"What is going on in here!"
"A ritual sacrifice to Satan."

"You can't just walk backwards and say that you're moonwalking!"

"And what are you getting tattooed?"
"A chicken."

the worst part is every single one of these is from the same thing

When your one character, this case my Dragon Princess, doesn't understand human terms:

"…I don't get it…'feeling up some chicks'…I'm missing something, aren't I?"

"I love you!"
"Why?"

((oh wow same

"'If it doesn't say you can't, then you can' doesn't apply to real life, just so you know."

"Fine then kiss the freaking horse!"
"How many people did you kill!?! All of them. IN MY WHITE SHIRT!?!? About that…."
"How many times do I have to tell you, you don't have to agree to every drinking contest they ask you to."
I swear if you stole that chicken…"
"What do you mean by relatively safe? Oh god, I'm gonna die…."

"You useless mound of flesh, Kaden." (this is my character Harvey talking about his husband)
"Anything can be weaponized if you try hard enough!" (still Harvey)
"Where are the body snatchers?" (most of these are gonna be Harvey tbh)
"He looked strangely lamp-like. His shady, brown hair was like chocolate melting down his face or something." (Harvey describing his husband)
"Chainsaw? No wait, we don’t have a chainsaw." (Harvey while looking for a weapon to fight a bear with)
"I looked over at the door and passive-aggressively shrugged." (Harvey again, to be honest I'm not sure how you passive-aggressively shrug)
"Love yourself." (my character Carmen talking to another character, right after telling the other character that they are a worthless piece of crap)
"They certainly didn’t have this juicy goodness in 1672." (my character Luke, as he eats Kentucky Fried Chicken)
Most of these make less sense with context.