forum “Sorrow” A True Story by Me

Started September 13, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

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Written 9/12/18, at 9:12 (EST)

Earlier I realized

I can’t truly make a decision without the ridicule and shame.
Not from my peers
But from my kin.
Family is not made to make you cry, to make you feel sorrow over a decision you rightfully made for your well being.

Why can’t I make my own decisions?
Why do I have to be the scapegoat, the thing of shame, the thing of which you look down upon, just be because I made a decision you weren't part of?

Perhaps I did that for a reason.

I can never make a decision on my own without their judgement, without the wrinkling of their brow in disgust and disappointment.

Would I surprise you to know…
I don’t like being treated like this. Especially from my father, who should support me nevertheless.

He doesn’t. I’m always his slave, his perfect little pet, who should never get below a 70 in a class. No, you’re not 15, no, you can’t have flaws. You can’t change your schedule without a business meeting. With me. You can’t reach out to others, you cannot have a phone. You can’t have friends. It’s just school and home. Where you work, study and sleep. You can’t underperform, you can’t have hobbies! Quit Band the moment you’re one point below 70; throw down your pencil in shame and turn away from your sketchbook. You can’t be a human, you are a slave, you must be an object of shame, anger and ridicule, you must be a scapegoat, and when you protest…

You will be called a liar and a disappointment. You will be grounded, you can’t have a voice.

Nay, objects don’t have voices, neither do they have personalities. They only have brains, which will only be used for education.

Because of this, you can’t go on trips, you can’t see the world. Your world is a #2 pencil and school. No friends, no outside hobbies. You are a growing girl, you can’t have power in your life! No matter how much you want to disagree

You can’t. You’re just too young and stupid to understand.

The internet is dangerous!

You can’t walk alone.

If you underperform, you can’t have hobbies.

Because of you, I’ll give your sister, eight years younger, the life you want.

Praise. Love. Friendship.

You cannot ask me for things. I will lash out and bite you with my tongue.

If you don’t ask, I will get upset and critical, almost childlike.

You will hate it this way.

But we’ll never see.

We won’t care about what’s going on.

It’s school, work, caring for those around you, and sleep.

After distracting you all day we’ll ask,

“How come you’re failing classes?”

Instead of blaming you, I’ll blame myself and say, “Maybe I’m not studying enough.”

Q~Q

Emi

Emi please respond, we're worried about you.

To the scapegoat says the chameleon, Sister, please, do not fret
I do not know of your father's intentions, but being a father is nary an easy life
Fathers are the foundation of a household, the support on which his family rests
He is the protector of his house, the one to whom they turn when seeking comfort
And to protect his children, he must do what he thinks is right
Heartache might arise, friendships might fall
Because he might not understand how the world works for us today, how we feel for our friends, our life
What if
He only sees the danger?
And how you should be?

The internet is indeed dangerous,
But only if your eyes are closed to the danger,
If you refuse to see what might happen
The school system is flawed
Their teaching methods abhorrent
Invoking pain, depression, and causing some to lash out

But listen to me, little scapegoat; I had these feelings once
I was once the little slave, the one too young to understand
I was alone, all alone inside, with only myself for company
But I grew
I began to see things for what they were
To understand that sometimes, fathers must do what they think is right
Even if things could go wrong

Emily, the pearl shining in the darkness
we all have our struggles, chains that tie us down
we're all undermined
some slaves
some servants

Pushed down and ridiculed for our age
"You're too young."
"What do you know?"
The chants are an echo in our ears.

But we must ignore them
though its hard
don't let them get to you
one day you'll prove them wrong

We'll all break the chains, breathe fresh air
Gain our well-deserved respect
But for now,
wait
and
watch

For the day will come when we'll be alright
when we'll be free
it may not be today
or tomorrow

But for the time being
just be
Focus neither on the past or future
One step at a time

Does the staircase, high in the sky, seem high when you look straight?
Look up, you're drowned by failure
Look down and you are scared of the height you have climbed
so for now
look straight
just be

Emi come back please we miss you and you're not alone. You can PM me if you need to talk.

Dude, that sucks I know the feeling exactly and hey just like jynandor said if you need anyone to talk to, we're all ears

you are tear in my heart out of my chest

Okay guys Emi is okay

She's not safe enough to come on NB atm so we just gotta wait til tomorrow and maybe she'll be on then she's not sure yet

Thank you Dad. ^~^
I already knew this but i wanted to help her too.

Hi guys.

I’m at school rn

and a lot more calmed down.

^-^

QuQ

Yay

yay and same here

I'm glad you're okay. I wanna give you a hug but I can't cuz the internet but I can tell you we're all here for you and we care about you a lot more than your parents.

I don't want to come off as rude (I mean, I really really don't) but…do you know that for a fact?

Well I know for a fact that we are here to help and support Emi. And Emi does not get that same support from their parents. Cuz as you may see, some parents have this misconception that "caring" for their child is actually just pushing them to be an emotionless work machine. These parent's don't care for Emi as a person who has emotions, but as a thing they made to earn a status. We understand that Emi indeed has emotions and indeed needs a way to take care of their mental health, which their parents don't seem to care or understand. Not from what Emi has told us at least.

I mean I may be wrong but this is what I perceived from Emi's post.

yee thanks Red.

When your anger and hurt is bottled up inside, it all comes together and grows inside you. This can be especially hurtful and confusing as a young teenager, when your emotions are getting stronger and you realize, I have a mind of my own. I don't know Emi's exact situation, but it feels familiar to things I experienced in the past. We can't say for certain that they don't actually care…unless we get the words straight out of the horse's mouth.
Anyway, I hope things get better for you, Emi – you're a cinnamon roll, and we're here for you. :D

ye

imean that was just a really edgy moment for me

i dunno if i should’ve shared it with you guys but there it is

Don't worry about it, we all have our moments! If you feel the need to share more in the future, you know we're listening. ;)

Thankssss

Do you want a hug? I want to give a hug but are you okay with internet hugs?