I think it's fair to say that we've had moments where we need to get rid of a feeling or thought within us.
You know, that feeling when you need to release something so bad that you're faced with two options: either implode your mind, or gut it.
That's why in my numbing madness, I created this thread.
Go ahead and rant all you want. Go on those soliloquys. Spill out your thoughts into this thread like you're filleting a fish.
We'll be happy to listen.
you're playing a dangerous game I may possibly take part in- however, I just saw andrew (Our Supreme Lord and Overseer) online so I may get smited if I say anything ;-;
(It’s fine, but just keep in mind to spoiler any triggering/sensitive topics and give the accompanying warnings so people have an idea what’s under the spoiler)
oops how do I do spoilers?
Spoiler - click to show.
Wee
Quote this to see how to do it
Spoiler - click to show.
well now that that's over here's my little…whatever you'd call this.
now don't get me wrong before I even start, I care way too much. which is probably why I'm so hurt. but hear me out. why? why are so many people just so bad? from what I see online, and irl, so many people just have pure hate in their heart. and its like their whole goal is to make the world suffer. why? what is your end goal here? what are you trying to accomplish? making a 13 year old, 7 year old, 18, 30- fuck even 78 year old suffer? at what cost? why do that? why do so many people feel the need to harm? is it fun? is it entertainment? is it second nature? am I the weird one? am I the crazy one? why? why do I not understand anything? why was I one of the millions of people to suffer? fuck. why do we suffer? why do we exist? why? I literally don't understand. is this all just some sick game? what is my end goal? what is the reason I even take in air? for fun? because I'm forced to? why do we even exist? I love and care about so many people, and the more I think about that fact, the more I realize why I have the thoughts I do. me wishing none of us existed just so we didn't suffer anymore. just so we don't go on in a polluted, war ridden and hateful world. its sad, I know. but I just don't understand that when those people have free will, they decide to be wastes of space and cause sorrow. if anything. my real question is simply "why?" please. enlighten the autistic boy on why the world is as it is right now. why so many people love drama. why so many people are dying. why people (especially me) are being forced to live in a terrible world. this may be my depression talking, but it would be better for nothing to exist. maybe that's why I don't wanna exist? as a first step sort of thing. because I damn sure dont wanna live in a hell. I don't wanna be 80 and have a gun to my head because I like girls and guys. I don't wanna be abused anymore. I don't wanna hurt. yes a part of me wants to live happily. but how can I when everyone else around me is hurting or making bad choices? its like life just isn't safe or happy anymore. nothing is colorful. nothing is magical. nothing. its gross. the little voice in my head just says "you should all be ashamed" but not everyone has done something bad. and yet here I still stand. with my split mind. half wishing to be better while the other wanting death. is that how madness starts? is this just my neurodivergence? will I never understand the whys? will I never get answers? I know I have a lot of questions, but thats what happens when you're hurt all your damn life and can never catch a fucking break.
anyways. ig my last thing is just to shame those who hurt. maybe one day it'll turn around. but I know damn good and well I wont be there when it does. I just hope someday, people realize their wars, petty drama and abuse were all for nothing as the world implodes. because its true. at least in these times, all we do is be born, exist and die. this life doesn't feel like I'm living. it hardly ever did besides those fleeting moments of happiness I've felt with loved ones or online. cuddling with my partner or sister, typing out roleplays. watching YouTube to make myself laugh. I know I tend to look at the whole picture. especially since I don't wanna be selfish. maybe that's why I'm even here. so I'm not selfish. but at the same time, it just feels worse to breathe.
ANYWAYS sorry- ;-; been going through a lot. don't pay any mind to me.
Read at your own discretion I guess.
Spoiler - click to show.
I guess when I said fillet a fish, I didn't leave out myself. Damn it. I feel you man. I feel you.
To put it really nicely, sometimes the world stinks.
Spoiler - click to show.
It's so much easier for other people to demonize the Other rather than to accept it.
Spoiler - click to show.
It feels like this Earth is a cutting board, and all the rest of us that don't fit the archetype of normal are nails hammered down by a hammer that would rather see us squished, dead rather than allowed to stick out.
It feels like on some days, my mind tries to reject the hatred and on others succumb to it. Either it feels numb/happy or sad/angry .
Spoiler - click to show.
On other days, I just feel like I want to die. I can't take it anymore. On these days, I'm pretty sure if I wasn't into this writing thing, I'd be dead.
Spoiler - click to show.
Every day of the week, I feel like I'm just some persona, some player character that the idiot running my brain takes out whenever they want to write and ditches for the meathead and sadhead whenever he's panicking.
Spoiler - click to show.
I used to hate everyone on this Earth. There was once a period of my life where I wished that the Earth would explode. I'm horrified that I even resorted to the idea, but denying it would probably cripple me further in the future.
Spoiler - click to show.
Every time I feel happy, it feels like I'm doing something wrong. Like I'm a machine that's programming is horribly malfunctioning.
Spoiler - click to show.
Oh well.
Spoiler - click to show.
I'd hate to leave this thread with this killjoy of a comment, so I'll give you this advice.
Spoiler - click to show.
Hang in there. Please. There's hope for nails like us. This very site is proof of that. If not for anybody else, than yourself.
Sorry about this vomit of a comment, but I couldn't keep this in any longer..
I'm here for u- just in case you ever need me. (I'll definitely try to be here-)
I'm here for u- just in case you ever need me. (I'll definitely try to be here-)
Thanks for the kind words. They really mean a lot when they're getting rarer and rarer.
Likewise, if you ever need me, or really anybody else on this site. Remember that someone's probably here. And if not, someone's going to be here soon.
We're all in this HellCoaster together I suppose.
I'm here for u- just in case you ever need me. (I'll definitely try to be here-)
Thanks for the kind words. They really mean a lot when they're getting rarer and rarer.
Likewise, if you ever need me, or really anybody else on this site. Remember that someone's probably here. And if not, someone's going to be here soon.
We're all in this HellCoaster together I suppose.
exactly-
now if you'll excuse me I'ma go write gay ocs! :D
I'm here for u- just in case you ever need me. (I'll definitely try to be here-)
Thanks for the kind words. They really mean a lot when they're getting rarer and rarer.
Likewise, if you ever need me, or really anybody else on this site. Remember that someone's probably here. And if not, someone's going to be here soon.
We're all in this HellCoaster together I suppose.
exactly-
now if you'll excuse me I'ma go write gay ocs! :D
How funny, I was going to try completing a Chapter with Asexual and Bisexual Robots.
Coincidence sure is a plucky mistress.
XDDDD writing bl usually makes me happy soooo- therapy. wanna compare ocs? I gotta pretty ok thing going-
XDDDD writing bl usually makes me happy soooo- therapy. wanna compare ocs? I gotta pretty ok thing going-
Well shoot. Didn't expect this fast of a response.
Currently, my Bi characters are the main protagonist: a Sniper Robot called Io, a small orange robot dude called Blowstick, and his lover the hulking, massive softie Dreadnaught. I'll go in chronological order of creation for describing them.
She's pretty much the character I spent the most time developing, so I've essentially dove headfirst into what she's like.
Of course, I eventually landed on the question of what type of person she's attracted to.
Since I like shamelessly inserting parts of myself into my characters for some reason, and some friends of mine IRL are Bi, I just combined them all into a smoothy. This resulted in a Trans Biromantic Ace Demisexual that really likes to pretend her relationships are platonic.
To describe her personality, Io's a real nerd for a death machine, she'd probably enjoy watching Anime all day if she had the time. She's shy as hell to strangers, but she just won't shut up about hyperfixations. Her fidgeting also annoys some people.
She's been through some dark s*it to say the least (Most disturbing of which involve a Religious-Nut robo-priest and SA), but she's doing fine. For now.
By the 1st installment, Io and her eventual boyfriend Prometheus (Gee, wonder where I got that name from?) are just dancing near the line of Platonic and Romantic relationships. I could see someone mistaking their affair as a platonic one.
I'll finish this up in the morning. I'm getting real tired.
oop- mines a werewolf that looks like a vampire and he has a bf who's a god. (well he will- I wanna give the god to someone and rp these two)
gn! ^^ i'll prob send my character stuff tomorrow
