forum Missing Connie D'X

Started October 22, 2018 by @PurplePartyTiger language

tune

I was sad smol bean…then I became a writing smol bean for a half hour
I don't really know why I wrote this – maybe because Connie has been sad lately, and I just wanted something to make her feel better?
Welp, enjoy. Also, here's a song I was listening to when I wrote this (there'll be another one at the end): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8ZsJjT6BBM&pbjreload=10

Hello
I can see that you're in pain
You try to bury it where no one can see,
Or put it on the outside, with the hope that someone,
Somewhere
Will help you out
But nobody sees, nobody cares
So you think

But it's not true
People see, people care
I'm here
I care
I feel your pain
But you might be thinking,
"She doesn't understand
There's no way
She speaks empty words"
This I will say to you,
I know more than you think I do
I did not decide to be born this way
To be one who would bear the pain of others,
To feel their pain,
To know things
But
This is how I'm supposed to be
And today, I will accept it

I'm a well
I can be filled with your flood of emotions,
And not overflow
I'm a chameleon
I can share in your loneliness,
Because I'm also alone
I'm a pillar
I will be strong for you,
Because I want to
I'm a paradox
Clumsy, yet graceful – happy, yet always feeling sorrow
I can share your feelings
I'm a friend
There is more to this life than pain and despair
There is light
I'm a writer
Trying to tell you in a silly, but simple, way,
That someone, somewhere
Cares

And maybe I'm not just like you, or even able to see you
But I can put myself in your shoes
And I can love you

Okey, here's the other song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMGDG_lDiWE&pbjreload=10
Just so you know, all that stuff I said about myself is true
<3

I dont care about how much you miss me, i can never go back; never forgive myself for what i did.

But we can! Connie, you're an amazing person, and I can't imagine the others hating you for what you did!
If you decide not to spend time in that chat anymore, I guess I can respect that, but let me ask you –
What's the point?
Think of all the fun times we had in there. How could you let go of all that? Connie, you're not a horrible person. You don't have to forgive yourself, but I do. I do!
Maybe I'm making a big deal of this, but I've lost too many friends in the short time I've lived to lose you, too.

They don't miss me. It's clear that they're better off without me.
The amount of shit i've done to them is unreal.
I can't go back.
They will never forgive me.

How do you know?
Maria came into the chat worried about you
Emi said they never hated you
What am I doing right now?

They've forgiven you in the past, haven't they?
Otherwise, where would you be now?

Dead.
I'd be dead.
And that's where im going to be.

So am I. So is everyone else.

Exactly.
What does it matter?
If i go back, ill just hurt them again.
This is so they never have to hurt by my hand again.

sighs
You've forced my hand, Connie

You're being overly dramatic about this.
If they were hurt that much by what you did, they'd push you away!
Do you really want to give up a friendship with these awesome people so easily?
If you can control yourself, you can't hurt them.
If you can't control yourself, but can make them understand that, you still can't hurt them.
You will hurt them more if you leave them like this.

l know…. I just don't… I don't want to hurt them……

Shhh, I know that…
Silly billy, if they get hurt, they get hurt. Getting hurt is a part of life, you can't change that.
Who will protect them from people who want to hurt them, though?

…….
Sly needs to recover…. I'm doing him a favor…

So give him space
But don't leave completely

im always on the forums…
i dont want to be there
all happy
while he's suffering from when i hurt him

I understand you got frustrated. But if you didn't mean to hurt Sly, just tell him.
If you are sorry, tell him that.
And he'll understand, and forgive you.

But that can't happen if you avoid him.

I did.

Now you just need to forgive yourself

Take a breather, just let it go. We all make mistakes.

He never forgave me.
Neither of them did.

You don't know that, do you?

I do.
They ignore me.
Treat me like the animal i am.
Sly hasn't come on since then.

People have things they need to do. Life gets in the way of other things.
And don't you dare call yourself an animal.
You are so much more than that.

Fine.

invisible hugs
One of these days I'm gonna meet you face-to-face, no matter what's going on.

okay….
still i want to die