forum Just need some very quick help.

Started March 30, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

Okay so I'm trying to write poetry and I haven't since like, third grade. Does this poem suck? (It's based on Teminite and Prosgar's "Rally the troops"). I know it needs work but is it okay for a first in three years?

A flash lit up the sky
a shooting star
a wish was made
upon this star
it's destination
wasn't far
crashes and cries
filled the darkening skies
a wish was made
that only one could create
the wish of death

It's much better than I could do! My only critiques:

• "filled the darkening skies" doesn't really fit the rhythm I think, maybe change it to just "filled the skies"?
• same thing with "that only one could create," the rhythm seems off. I can't think of a better way to phrase it though… I think it sounds a little better if you just cut out the word "that."

Other than that, it was really good, I liked the flow of it!

Thanks.

I thought it was really good, much better than I could do. :) My only comment would be that the line “upon this star” was the only one that seemed off to me… I guess it was just a bit redundant after the second line? But its your style of poetry and I stink at giving advice, so….
Besides that I liked it!

Alright, I'll see what I can do about it.