forum Hierarchy of hell (chat for anyone) [open for all!!]
Started by @VinegarSoup group
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@Elise_Married_Five_Hargreeves

fades in, clutching chest
Women
dies aesthetically and gets reincarnated into a puddle
(the best thing happened to me today so if anyone need me im just going to be a puddle of wisdom ig)

@FRANKtheTritoposaur group

fades in, clutching chest
Women
dies aesthetically and gets reincarnated into a puddle
(the best thing happened to me today so if anyone need me im just going to be a puddle of wisdom ig)

fucking dies after seeing a pretty woman

@IcarusFightsTheSun book

((i posted this on r/AITAH first, and im not going go through the time of adapting it to nb))

my mum(49) and i(14) are kinda rocky lately, but understandably i think. im beginning the years where i start thinking for myself and want to distance myself from my parents, and imo i think my mum is annoyed because her last kid is becoming a teenager and our relationship has deteriorated.

the direct problem rn is that while i was staying at my sister's, she stayed up 'til 1-3am(i can't exactly remember what she said) to clean my room. my room was pretty messy, but not unlivable and i've told her i don't want her just doing things like this in the past, where she does me a "service" on impulse that ends up in convincing me later, and when concerning my things, makes me feel out of place. later, she often uses these things to 'prove she's a good mother', and guilt trip me whenever i bring up problems not even related to this and she refuses to stop even though i've said multiple times it makes me uncomfortable and like she has no respect for me.

when i went into my room i didn't say anything cause i had just gotten home and i really didn't want to have to deal with it. but when i didn't say anything she came in(without asking) and asked what i thought. i said thank you, and that it was nice, but with my 'please stop talking so i can be alone' voice admittedly and she left. less than an hour later she came back in(without asking) again but this time she was crying. –to be clear, not a ugly cry, or sobbing or anything, just a few tears.– she said she thought i wanted to hurt her and how i wasn't grateful for everything she did, and she felt that i was being terrible because all i said was "hmm" and made her cry, which is not true(as i said, i did thank her). i told her(making sure to lose the tone to hopefully keep her out of my room) that i WAS grateful that she had gone through this effort for me and that i didn't mean to hurt her. but that i didn't need her to do this, and i would have preferred it if she hadn't done it.

when she left i thought it was settled now, but this morning she woke me up by saying she wanted me to say sorry when i felt ready and apologetic because i "treated her like crap and she's not crap, she a human being." and that she had been crying for two days because i was so terrible to her. but i don't feel like i did something wrong.

before i end this post, i want to say that my home life isn't great. my mum and dad are separated recently and since most of my siblings moved out, she's moved all her emotional baggage and responsibility to me. being around her makes me feel drained and exhausted, and i feel better when she not around. She makes impossible situation like this for me all the time, and i always end up the bad guy in her eyes whenever she make a problem. she gets extremely defensive if i even IMPLY she did something wrong.
i don't know whether i should finally speak up and face the coming consequences or just apologize and wait out the next four years.

@FRANKtheTritoposaur group

hey guess what- your a fucking child her emotional baggage isn't yours to deal with!! You are so not the asshole here, you thanked her and expressed how u wished she wouldn't do this again. If anyone owns anyone an apology its your mother.

@Elise_Married_Five_Hargreeves

^ exactly that. I can get in some sense why your mum would want to hold onto that last shred of connection with you before you inevitability move out and distance yourself, but she is going about it in a really fucked up way. Using your child as a 'emotional punching bag' because of things that is out of her control is the worst thing you can do to a kid. I would suggest confronting your mum as well. Make it clear that you aren't going to let her butt in it okay item, and just get your points and boundaries across first

@IcarusFightsTheSun book

ty guys, i'll take your advice. there may or may not be other comments later, but you two are who i talk to most so i'll most guess listen to y'all

@ElderGod-Winter-The-Renegade-Legionnaire book

Heyo. I have had this same situation. I've lived it. One, you're a teenager. You are your mom are going to butt heads quite frequently but that doesn't mean she needs to gaslight you. I'm going to play devil's advocate. You may not like it. You said your parents have split recently and all of your siblings have moved out. In reality, her her whole world has dramatically sifted and changed. She's probably hysterical. You are quite possibly her last remnant of her older life, and she's trying desperately to cling onto you. She is going about it in not the best way, but with her asking for validation and apologies, she's trying her dead level best to feel the same way she felt when her and your dad were probably together and when your siblings were in the house. But it's not working, and she's taking it out on you in an emotionally draining and manipulative way. I would sit down and talk to her if you can, and explain your feelings. Make it crystal clear that you want your space, and if she wants to come into your room that you ask she please knock. Her feelings are valid too. If she starts to cry, which she probably will, you address it. Tell her that it's okay to cry, but it's not okay to gaslight you into feeling bad for existing. Tell her and assure her that you're not leaving her and that you're going through a rough patch in life, (you're a teenager, you're going through some stuff) and that you're going to be a little bit distant, but that you still love her and that sometimes you just need her to leave your stuff alone or your space alone until you feel ready to clean. To compromise, ask her to do simple tasks with you. Like maybe unload the dishwasher, fold laundry, etc. In a situation with a parent who is emotional, in not the best way, you have to give them a compromise to prevent a full meltdown. There will be tears, there will be a tantrum. You lay out your terms and tell her until those terms are met, you're going to keep functioning as you are, with or without her. Hope this helps!