Hey. I'm writing a story on Docs and I would really love some help. I'm just not sure anyone around me is giving honest feedback. I could really use it.
Please let me know if the link doesn't work.
HONEST FEEDBACK IS WELCOME, SUPPORTED AND APPRECIATED! Thank you.
Hi!
I tried the link and it said that I don't have access to the document. I think Google sent you something to permit access.
Switch it to public access, then everyone can view it.
Switched it.
Can confirm it's working and public now :)
Thank you!
I read a good amount, and it's certainly a good start. The main thing is that you should start by fleshing out your main character, giving us a good description of their appearance and personality in the first or second chapter. This allows us to picture them better in our head. I like that you made the other language, it's a nice touch. But before you get into the 'Mom's not dead,' and the other creature, tell us about the dynamic in that girls home. Tell us about her father and her friends. Make us fear the creature before you randomly introduce one. If he's the love interest, give us a description. It's awesome idea and a fantastic start, just try giving it a bit of meat on it's bones, you know?
I think you have a great story idea!! It's interesting, vivid, and has just the right amount of fantasy and real life. I definitely want to read more!
Your story seems to have some gaps/missing parts. I feel sort of lost because there are many big events going on (Like, all of a sudden after the main character seems to like Mama Tera's son, he saves her from the awful dudes.)The story progresses too quickly for me to catch up.
You could expand on some scenes, for instance, um, when she sees the writings on her sister's arm and later finds out about her soulmate. You can definitely put her sister getting together with Max a little later.
You're probably in the writing stage where you're still figuring out the whole story plot and where to place scenes.
I agree with @Marionette87 about getting to know your main character. Work on understanding her first. You can look up character questionnaires (The Proust questionnaire is a great one, also the Gotham one too!) and try to get to know who Allania is.
All in all, I really liked it and I want to read more!! Great job!
Allania is the focus of the story. She's the one telling it. The reader knows what she does. I do need to expand a bit so thank you but the main thing was more Ethan, Mama Tera's son, saw someone getting bullied and wanted to stop it. He refuses to have ties because of who he is.
I'm glad you all like it so much. I've been toying with this idea for a while but this was the first time I've written anything. Thank you!
Maybe make it a little clearer that the first part wasn't reality. I was really confused the first time I read it. I left more comments on the actual document (mostly grammatical errors). I hope I was helpful! Keep writing, I want to see what happens next!
I saw all those. Thank you. I know it's confusing but it'll make sense eventually.