After hearing the same question, asked back to him. He sighed.
"After the flames of civil war appeared I…" Blake hesitated kept silent for a while. His expression became nostalgic, and the look in his eyes started to change a little. It was like he could hardly keep his calm when he thought about the past. He said slowly, “Just like every other person, I once had a complete family. My father was strict, my mother was kind and warm, and I had two younger sisters. When the war began, they attacked, I was still a kid. Even now, I can still remember the laser cannons descending from the sky, thick like waterfalls, turning the largest buildings in the city centers into ash in an instant. We joined the evacuating crowd, and the military protected us. They knew clearly that staying behind meant death, but they still prioritized guarding us and sending us away.
“Unfortunately, my parents could not board the rescue spaceship. They died halfway there; a beam of laser turned my parents into ashes. I was just a kid in despair, and the only thing that I knew was how to cry. I followed the other refugees numbly. Every day, the army gave the refugees very little food. I was starving so much that I could not control myself at all. After I took the food, I hid more than half of the portion, only giving a little bit to my sisters. I just wanted to live at that time; I did not know how to think of anything else. Then… my two younger sisters starved to death.”
Blake paused then said in a very low voice, “I can still vividly remember their expression, their bony palms grabbing my clothes as they stared right into my eyes, like they were telling me how hungry they were, but they had no energy to talk. Those two pairs of eyes filled with despair cut right into my heart. My brain was blank, and a few seconds felt like centuries. When their arms slipped down without strength, only then did I dare take deep breaths. I was completely petrified. I couldn’t believe what I had done. If I had shared the food with my sisters, even if I would be hungrier, at least we all could have lived, but I knew nothing back then—I only thought about having filling meals, I felt that if I ate less, I would be starved to death the next day…
“I followed the crowd up the rescuing ship numbly, not knowing where to go. There were many kids like me who lost their families back then; they were all given to veterans with a disability to raise. A group of kids and I were given to a veteran, too. From then on, we lived with him. He raised us and taught us how to fight. He was a rough, impatient man, but a good man and a good soldier. Many of us were orphans that were raised by the elderly of our planet back then.
“As time passed, I gradually took that veteran as my foster father, but I always had a grudge in my heart. I felt my past was too dark; I felt I was an evil man. If I told my foster father, would he chase me away? One day, on impulse, I told him about my younger sisters’ death, and he gave me a serious scolding… but not because of my selfishness. He scolded me that if I had the heart to think about the past, I should be spending that time to train. He said that the race was on the verge of being wiped out, and there was no time to be held back by the past. Even if I was a criminal of countless sins, as long as I held the gun to protect our race, then I had only one identity—a soldier. No one would care about my past, only what I can do…”
(To long?)