Rhydar wished he could've hurried away from them with Lily in tow, but that would've told them something he didn't want circling around the palace. So he kept his head high and that mask of cool indifference on his face. He would never be embarrassed by Lily, but he also didn't want her getting attacked by his enemies—or stuck up snobs like the nobles. Only when they were in the safety of the stables did he let out a breath and let go of her hand, using it to roughly run both of his hands through his hair with his eyes closed.
Lily let out a breath once they were in the stables, her shoulders relaxing from the slight tension that had frozen them. Her eyes flickered to Rhydar as he ran his hands through his hair, her brows furrowing with her slight frown as she stepped in front of him, reaching up and gently placing her hands on either side of his face. “Are you alright?” She asked softly, tilting her head as her frown deepened slightly with worry.
Rhydar froze when Lily put her hands on either side of his face, his eyes opening. He sighed and leaned into her touch, relaxing slightly but not fully. "I–Sorta. Now." He reached up and brushed his knuckles over her cheek, needing some way to express how he was feeling—and to seek some sort of comfort, besides her hold on him. "Don't get me wrong, Lily, I care for you a lot and I always will. But I just…I'm trying, and there are people out there that wouldn't approve… I don't want you to be their next punching bag."
“Rhydar, dear.” Lily started, her voice as soft as her palms on his cheeks. “While I greatly appreciate the worry, I don’t like seeing you stressed.” She said, leaning just a bit closer. Her mind was bouncing between repeating the phrase ‘not good enough’, and reminding herself that it didn’t matter whether she thought she was good enough for him or not. “What’s on your mind? That’s not…not all of it, I can tell.” You can talk to me. ‘Tell me what’s wrong and how I can help’ is what her mother always used to say, what Daisy would say and what she had started to say to her sisters as well. But she couldn’t quite bring herself to speak the words that she associated so strongly with her family, not yet.
He exhaled heavily and closed his eyes, head tilting down somewhat. He didn't really know how to tell her what was going through his mind, as he didn't have a solid grasp on it himself. He didn't want to hurt her or push her away, but he was also trying to protect her from the cruelty of the court. His words might mean one thing to him but mean a completely different thing to her. It was all a balance that he's always had trouble navigating, and this was no different.
It took a bit for him to finally find something to say to her, but he got there. His eyes remained trained on his fingers, which were still running up and down her cheek. "Our worlds are extremely different, Lily. I'm just trying to keep you as far away from mine as possible while keeping it away from you."
She sighed softly, nodding once and being careful not to disrupt his fingers. “Alright. But Rhydar, please, don’t worry yourself too much. You can’t protect me from the world when it’s already had it’s way with me.” That in itself wasn’t very assuring, but her thumb trailing his jawline likely was. She wanted to be of more help, or some way to assure him that he needn’t worry about protecting her, but neither of those was really an option. The former was impossible and the latter wouldn’t work.
"I know," he whined, shifting his weight and finally meeting her eyes. The emerald in them had dimmed a bit with the slightly stressful moment, but a glimmer of light had come back with those two words. He reached up and hooked his fingers around her wrist, thumb brushing over her hand in circles. He grew serious once again, resting his head against hers and closing his eyes. "I know I can't, but I still want you to be happy. Court isn't exactly the best place for that."
“As long as I’m with you, that shouldn’t be too hard.” She admitted quietly, closing her eyes. “Court be damned.” She wanted to apologize. Because it was her fault, for being the kind of person his court wouldn’t approve of. For causing that stress and making him feel like he needed to protect her. Trying to protect her would be near impossible, from anything. That was the price of the life she lived. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry- “I’m-“
His lips on hers stopped her apology in its tracks, his cool ring pressed against her skin. He didn't need an apology from her, as it wasn't her fault. No matter what it was, he'd feel the need to protect her from the worst—to take the brunt of it for her so she wouldn't have to worry. It was just how he was when it came to those he loved.
He folded his arms around her—avoiding her waist—and pulled her close, just needing to feel her near and show her that he didn't blame her at all. Words were hard for him, but this…this he could do. Hopefully she understood.
Surprise made her still as he cut off her apology, but the gentleness of it all had her relaxing quickly. Besides, it was Rhydar. She trusted him completely, stressed or otherwise.
She pressed into the kiss a bit more as his arms wrapped around her, her hands still holding the sides of his face. The tension that came with her almost apology and guilt melted along with her, and she was grateful he’d cut her off. Neither of them needed the apology. It was just habit. And some habits were better off kicked.
Rhydar was glad that she hadn't frozen up when he had embraced her. She had, in fact, pressed into the kiss. That has surprised him some, but not enough for him to pull back. He needed this: being close to Lily and holding her. It reminded him how real this was, and how special she was to him. The absolute truth of his feelings for her was starting to make themselves known in the back of his mind, but he was too scared to voice them right now. He had come close in the hallway, but that was as far as he would allow himself to go.
Kissing Rhydar was like forgetting everything. Even though it was obvious it didn’t, it felt like time stopped just for that moment, like the world couldn’t find her when she was with him. Her past didn’t haunt her still, her family didn’t occupy her every thought. It was quieting, and comforting and felt like taking a breath of fresh air after spending forever in a dark room. Ironic, considering. She wasn’t quite sure how or why, but he was.
Rhydar reluctantly broke the kiss but didn't pull away. His lips still bushed against her lips, and his head was pressed against hers. He knew that he wanted to quit stalling and get onto the date, but he didn't want to pull away. Lily was so cozy, despite her issues with touch, and she had yet to express any dislike for the embrace.
He bit his lip in hesitation, unsure of how she'd react. It was always his first thought when he was about to do something he had never done with her before. He gave himself a mental shake, then moved his head so it was buried in the crook of her neck.
Lily blinked as Rhydar buried his face in her neck, her cheeks warming as the haze that followed kissing him faded. He wasn’t messing with her though, just holding onto her. Holding onto her like he was afraid she was about to pull away, but willing to risk it. She wasn’t quite sure what came over her, but in a split second half-decision, she hesitantly moved one hand to thread her fingers gently through his hair. She paused then, giving him the chance to react, to speak if he was uncomfortable.
Rhydar froze.
Of all the things for her to do, that had to be the one thing that he was least expecting. It was no secret to him that he liked having his hair messed with—a quirk he has yet to figure out—but Lily didn't know that, nor did he want her to know. It was probably the one way to get him both flustered and under her control in less than a second, and it was completely unfair.
True to what usually happened when his hair was played with, he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch while simultaneously feeling his cheeks heat up. He buried his face further into her neck to hide the latter but didn't protest to her fingers being there. He didn't say anything, actually, because he just couldn't.
Lily tilted her head, relaxing after almost pulling away when he froze. He hadn’t told her to stop. Did that mean it was alright for her to do? Taking another small leap of faith and praying to the Fates that she wasn’t royally fucking up, she began working her fingers through his hair gently and slowly, not at all aware of just the effect her actions had on him, or his inner dramatic panic. Maybe if she had been, she would have stopped, or maybe not. If he told her to she would, but payback might be nice if she could manage it.
His eyes fluttered, and he grew incredibly relaxed as she began moving her fingers and playing with his hair. Fuck, she's got me, he internally mumbled while externally sighing contently. If they hadn't been standing and she was just a little more comfortable with his tendency to like hanging off of each other, he would've contemplated the pros and cons of going into a little half-nap state. Unfortunately, they had things to do, and they weren't quite there yet. He was still rendered speechless and practically useless just by her simple and innocent actions.
“We’re never going to get anything done together.” She whispered, shifting slightly as he relaxed even more. He likes it. The thought hit her suddenly, her brows furrowing with the realization as she continued to play with his hair. “Your hair is so soft.” That had nothing to do with her first comment, but she felt like it was worth noting. She certainly had, that was for sure. She made a mental note of his apparent like of having his hair played with, in case there was another situation where it might be doable. It was fun, and almost felt like petting some sort of animal, though instead of a furry creature in her arms, it was Rhydar.
His lips twitched up in amusement at both of her comments, though he only acknowledged one. "No, we're not," he murmured, his breath fanning over her neck in a hot puff of air. If she had let him pull away, or she had pulled away, before playing with his hair, then maybe they'd have been getting a horse and riding over to the farm by now. Instead, here they were, tangled in a relaxing embrace with her messing with him in the way that he messes with her. He might complain that it wasn't fair, but he knew damn well that he deserved some payback. "But I'm not overly opposed to our forms of procrastination," he added in a half-assed attempt to regain some of his status as the never-to-be-flustered flirt.
“How unhelpful.” She said, huffing a small laugh. His breath in her neck had, admittedly, caused her to shiver, but she moved past that with remarkable ease considering her usual reactions. Maybe it was the power switch, one she wasn’t quite consciously aware of, but was on some level. “Though, while I was excited about the strawberries, this is a perfectly fine thing to do instead. While it lasts.” When would she be able to handle something like this again? There was no way of knowing, so she would appreciate it while she could.
"I'm always unhelpful," he mumbled, still feeling slightly drowsy. It was that sort of relaxation that you got during certain times, where you were so relaxed you could just fall asleep right there without a problem. He wasn't trying to get so sleepy, but he couldn't help it. Her fingers playing with his hair, combined with her scent and their embrace, made it incredibly difficult to remain bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. 'while it lasts' he heard her say, and he knew that was their reality at the moment. He wasn't bitter about it, but it was also a small reality-check he needed. "Well. . ." he started softly with a hint of amusement, "if you'd free me from this lovely spell you've put me under, we could get going to your strawberries."
“Dear, if this is a spell, it’s the easiest I’ve ever cast.” She said, shaking her head slightly. She lingered a moment longer before sliding her hands from his hair and lightly nudging his head with her chin. “Alright, there you go.” She didn’t make any move to release him beyond that or move away, leaving that entirely up to him. Strawberries were nice, but she had to admit, she preferred Rhydar over them. By just a small amount. Or maybe a lot. It depended on whether there were strawberries in front of her or not, honestly.
He turned his head slightly to press a parting kiss to her neck, getting back at her for finding out his secret weakness. He was being overdramatic, yes, but that was just Rhydar being Rhydar. Truth be told, he didn't have any qualms with her finding out about how much he liked his hair being played with. It was only fair, considering how much he's gathered about Lily.
He pulled back without a word, both of his hands slipping down her arms to lace his fingers with hers. Once his head was lifted, he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, a small smile on his lips. "How about those strawberries, hm?" he murmured against her skin.
She should have expected the neck kiss, honestly. But whether she did or not, her cheeks still warmed, the familiar pink spreading quickly. Her nose scrunched up when he kissed her forehead, her blush forgotten mostly as she smiled softly. “You would have to let go of me first.” She pointed out, squeezing his hands to show she wasn’t hinting at him doing so. Holding his hand was nice.
He sighed and pecked her nose, then let go. He knew she wasn't telling him to let go, but they stalled quite enough already. Besides, they had plenty of time to hold hands during their strawberry picking adventure. "Come on, let's get going. I'm sure you're just dying to go get strawberries." He jerked his head in the direction of a horse, and one of the stablehands got the sturdy and even-tempered mare ready for travel.
