I hurt him, didn't I…? He sighed internally as he watched the tears forming in Shuichi's eyes. I can't hurt him more than I already have… I've got no reason to lie to him any longer.. I need to just be honest…
He sat at the table in the kitchen upon entering, looking at Shuichi. He couldn't remain standing to begin with. "Shuichi, sit down.. I think we need to talk… I want to clear things up, so if you're willing to listen, I will.."
shuichi sighed, lowering his head " you sit, im just going to cook something.." he said, shuichi wouldn't make eye contact
"Shuichi, I just wanna explain… I know things aren't okay.. Just listen to me and let me explain it all! Please, Shuichi…! I'm done lying to you!"
" fine!" he said and sat down. he wiped tears from his eyes
Kaito looked at the other, a serious expression on his face for the first time since they had met back up. "Look, remember that thing I told you about back in high school? Remember all the health issues, the times I was actually coughing up blood? Well, I thought they were getting better! Heck, I haven't had any issues in the three years since we graduated! At first I thought you were right.. The only thing I lied about then was th certainty of it all.." He sighed. "I'm not entirely sure what's going on myself, but I think it's happening again.. This is how it all started back in high school.. I just didn't want to make you think you'd lose me, so I kept myself quiet about it…! I was lying to myself more than I was to you…! I know I might die! I know that's a possibility! I just don't want to accept that! I'm sorry…"
shuichi let his tears fall "i..im sorry.." he said " i didn't meant to snap. its what i do under stress. you kept saying everything was okay and it wasnt, it never will be. the sooner we accept it the better.lets just be together while we can…"
"Shuichi…!" He was going to try and tell the other to not think like that, but the mindless optimism was nothing more than denial by then.. "Never mind.. I can't tell you to look on the bright side. You've accepted this already, and while I can't, I know not to force it onto you… I just don't want to accept it.. Surely I can't be dying… Surely it'll get better… That's what I've been telling myself. I'm so sorry, Shuichi…" Even he was fighting back tears by then…
shuichi shook his hed " iv been around it so much ive just grown numb.." he said and got up and wrapped the other in a tight hug.
Kaito hugged the other as tightly as he could.. "Still, I'm really sorry.. I got so lost in my own denial that I thought I really was okay.. You had all reason to yell, to be upset.. I just don't think I can ever accept it…" He sighed. "I don't know what to do anymore.."
" be here, be in the moment and live it like its your last.." he said softly ad rubbed the others back
"I've been doing that ever since this first happened. Why do you think I've had so many adventures in a mere three years? A part of me knows any moment really could be my last, I just don't want to accept it.." He tried holding the tears back, but they didn't stay back long.. "Shuichi…I don't want you to lose me… I don't want to leave you…! I just wanna make it all okay…"
" we cant okay? its going to happen, but you wont lose me and i wont lose you. you'll aways have me.."
"I know… I just…I can't right now… This is just too much for me… I wish I didn't know that I could die at any given time… I'm honestly scared, Shuichi…. It could all happen so suddenly…and I'm already not doing that well.. I just wanna spontaneously get better…"
" me too, i wish i could help.." he said softly
"I know…." Kaito sighed, closing his eyes. "Let's just cuddle… I don't have the energy to do much else…"
" okay, lemme feed shadow," he sid and pulled a can of wet food.
"Okay.." Kaito waited for his boyfriend to finish, not wanting to walk back to the bedroom by himself. "I'd go to our room, but I'd rather not risk collapsing again. I don't need to worry you…"
" ive got you.." he said softly
"Thanks, Shuichi.."
" anytime.."
Kaito smiled a bit as they went back to the bedroom.
shuichi smilled, helping the other to bed.
Kaito looked up at Shuichi once he was in bed. "If you're gonna live here now, you can borrow some of my clothes, you know.." He yawned, clearly tired, but he was still happy.
" sure " he said softly and nuzled up to the other.
Kaito smiled softly as he allowed his eyes to close. Within seconds he was asleep.