forum Will Critique Characters and Scenes!
Started by @WriteOutofTime
tune

people_alt 6 followers

@WriteOutofTime

I technically prefer doing one character at a time, but sure! I'll start with Andrea, and hopefully finish all three of them today.
Andrea:

First let me say I really like this character! I think her design is pretty cool, and the drawing on deviantart is awesome! Alright, moving on to the critique…

Appearance section. Her appearance is fine. It's fairly average when she's Andrea, which makes sense for a superhero to maintain privacy and fly under the radar. I also love her identifying mark/scar. The explanation is really good. However, I don't quite understand how her hair changes when she becomes Halcyon. Does she change outfits and don a wig, or is there some sort of magical girl transformation?

Nature section. I really love her mannerism and the explanation for it. But, most people have more than one mannerism. Maybe add a handful or so more. Her motivation is pretty good, but a tad cliche. Most superhero origin stories involve a dead parent and vengeance. However, it's a very relatable motivation, so if you put your own unique spin on it, I think that'll be fine. Flaws and prejudices are very consistent with her character. I like how in depth the talents and hobbies are –they provide a nice insight into her character. Personality type is pretty good too. Although, a few questions: How does she act around friends? Is she always guarded? Is there anyone that she opens up to? How easily is she angered? Does she have a good sense of humor? Does she ever relax?

The social section is just about flawless. Everything seems to make sense, no complaints here.

History section. A few questions: Does she know that others survived the experiment? Is she trying to find them? Is she trying to find the scientists who made her like this? Are there any downsides to her abilities, any side effects? Since so many embryos didn't grow, why did she survive? Did any more of the adults survive? Are they the super villains? Does anyone know her secret? Would she ever tell anyone? How did she become a hero?

Overall, pretty solid character! I could easily see her being the star of a very interesting story. Good luck.