forum Will Critique Characters and Scenes!
Started by @WriteOutofTime
tune

people_alt 7 followers

@WriteOutofTime

Send me your children….and your scenes. I love critiquing! Please post one character at a time. Also, scenes should be less that 3,000 words.

@Masterkey

Heyy so may I just dump my main character on you please? It's got a LOT of info in there, so I apologize in advance. I mainly need help with sorting out a consistency in his personality. I think most of it is pretty good, but I'm having trouble specifically with his "stupid bravery" trait. I read it over for the first time in awhile, and it's starting to not make sense to me, lol. BUT please feel free to tear apart anything and everything you can. I want him to be solid. If you don't mind sorting through what I have, that is… hehe

@WriteOutofTime

First, let me commend you! I think you've done an incredible job fleshing out your character and your universe. You clearly have a deep understanding of your plot, your characters, and the world you've created. I envy you tbh. That being said, I think for the most part Asher makes a lot of sense. His flaws and motivations line up very well, and I really like the uniqueness and realism in that first mannerism you have listed. However, I agree with you about the "stupid bravery" thing. It's kind of…all over the place.

Here's what I'm thinking. Start him out with the stupid bravery and make it very clear that it's selfish and self-preservative. He only cares about himself, right? So he's willing to fight his way out of everything. His over-confidence is just his bravado. He pretends to be brave and brash just to save his own skin. Eventually, he starts to develop and his bravado becomes more self-sacrificing. He's still stupidly fearless, but now he's that way to save others and to protect the ones he cares about.

If you hate this idea, that's perfectly fine! Just what I came up with after reading through it. Again, I think your character is fantastic and that's really the only complaint I have.

@Masterkey

Thank you for your compliments! I've been working on him a lot, and I'm glad he seems to finally be coming together.

Everything you said makes so much more sense than what I wrote. I've changed details in his personality so many times that I've accidentally left stuff in there that doesn't make much sense… I mean, while humans can change a lot and have varying interests, there's gotta be SOME consistency. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'm envisioning how his "stupid bravery" will manifest itself much better now.

As for him being a "wimp inside" or whatever, do you think it could work like this?: He is stupidly brave when it comes to getting himself out of a fix, like when he's backed into a corner. He can turn off his brain and turn on "survival mode" and just fight his way out of it. But if anyone else is in danger, he will back off so as to not harm himself in the process of helping them out. He'll overthink things if it involves other people, trying to convince himself not to do it. As the story goes on though, and as he gains strong friendships, he starts to help others no matter the cost to himself, like you said. Does that sound good?

@WriteOutofTime

@Lightningclaw13 Aww I love her! She's so soft and unassuming. Very cute character.

First, the looks section. I love her unique look! It's a very creative and interesting appearance. Especially the contrasts between dark and light, like with her hair and her skin/fur. No complaints here.

Next, the nature section. I think the mannerisms you chose work quite nicely with her character. However, her motivation seems rather vague. The thing about main/major characters is that they have to have some sort of unique driving force –something that they want more than anything. Most people want to ensure the safety of the world. Make it a bit more personal. Why does she want to ensure the world's safety? Why her in particular? Moving on to the flaws, I think they're consistent with her character, but you could add a bit more. Is she a pushover? A people pleaser? How easily does she cry? Moving on to her prejudice. A prejudice is a negative belief someone has based on narrow-mindedness or one bad experience. Typically it's a large generalization of a group of people or things or places. Most people have prejudices, even if they're not fully aware of them. Is Fjola prejudiced against anything at all? The prejudice you have listed seems to be towards her, instead of her own prejudice. Lastly, her personality type. You've only listed a few things. Maybe illustrate how to reacts to people. Does she ever get angry? Is she a good friend? Does she have a sense of humor? Is she always kind, or does she struggle sometimes?

In the social section, everything seems fine. One quick note: in the favorite weapons section, instead of N/A, maybe you should explain why she doesn't have a favorite weapon. For most of my characters that don't actually fight with weapons, I might put "fists" or "their words/writing/etc." If she doesn't like hurting anyone, ever, you might put that "She's so non-confrontational she couldn't bear to hurt anyone –physically or verbally." Or something like that.

Her history seems fine. Very interesting. The only problem I see is again, putting N/A. In education, maybe you could write about her knowledge of the woods, or of animals, or of her religion. Surely she knows something. Also, her gallery is so CUTE! Did you draw that? She's adorable!

Overall, what a soft and warm character. I think she has a lot of potential, especially as a major character. Good luck.

@Lightningclaw13 group

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Thank you!

Looks
Thanks! She's my favorite designed character.

Motivations
I added to make sure another genocide won't happen.

Flaws
I added that she's a pushover. She's not really a people pleaser though. She more so will help others but not make it all about them. Surprisingly, she hardly cries.

Prejudice
I just wanna say, I'm terrible at making prejudices, as even though I've seen countless definitions, it's still kinda hard for me to grasp.
I did change it to All humans kill animals for fun, so maybe that's good?

Personality Type
I added that she's a good friend. She's mostly a pretty quiet and kind person, only really getting angry when her friends are hurt by someone.

Social
I have no idea why I left it blank. I though it was there but oh well. I put it as Her Water Magic (Though she only uses it when she absolutely has too)

History
Thanks! I changed it too Knows a considerable amount about animals and nature but has no formal education.

Thank you! Yes, I did!
Thank you so much!

@WriteOutofTime

@Joneathan Sure!

Looks section. I think his appearance is really nice! It's unique and I like how he's so small and childlike. His identifying marks are unique as well, although I can't help but wonder where/how he got the scar. Is there a story behind that? It's probably worth including.

Nature section. Why no mannerisms? Mannerisms often make characters seem more human. What type of things does he do when he's nervous? Angry? Talking a lot? Mannerisms are important! His motivations are rather weak, especially since you don't explain them very well. What is his driving force? What is he striving to achieve? What does he want more than anything? His flaws could use some fleshing out, too. All you have is two flaws, and one is just a pseudo-flaw. Does he have a temper? When he acts childish, is he naive? Simple? Not great at understanding things? His prejudice is cute and consistent with his character. No hobbies or personality type? I guess leaving out hobbies isn't a huge travesty, but personality type is extremely important! This is where you kind of illustrate what type of person he is. How does he act around friends? How does he act around strangers? Etc.

Social section. Since he's…dead. I feel like a religion is probably at play here? If he's in some sort of afterlife or something? If not, you can put atheist. But including religion gives insight into a character's mind. Everything else is good and fairly specific.

History section. Pretty short and to the point, but not at all confusing. However, I feel like you could add more detail. Who's Jane? Is she important to the story? What happened in the afterlife upon immediate arrival? How did he become a welcomer? Is his husband in the afterlife with him?

One last thing. Mental state. Let's not talk about that? I mean, it's better if you do list out what his mental state is like. But it's not obligatory or anything, just thought it was odd. Lol.

Overall, I really like this character. His design is cute and his childlike personality is endearing. Good luck.

@WriteOutofTime

Kat, I already did Andrea in the other thread. I'll do Ethan now, and get to Luke after I do @TheMusicalVampire's character.

Looks section. Everything here is average but acceptable. Not to be that person but are all the main characters Caucasian/white? Not that that's completely unrealistic or anything, but from my understanding college is fairly diverse. Then again, the particular city/state that they live in might not have that much diversity. I just assumed that since it was a superhero book set near a college campus, it'd be a large city with some diversity. Again, not a necessity, just felt like I should point that out.

Nature section. I like his mannerisms, but there's only two! Most people have more than two mannerisms. Maybe add a few more? I like his motivations. He sounds like a true hero! You have a nice balance of lofty and personal motivations. Looking over his flaws led me to a question: is he Andrea's foil? His flaws are not so much flaws as they are a counterbalance for all of her flaws. As charming as that is, since he is the secondary main character, you might want to add a few flaws that have nothing to do with Andrea. I like his prejudice. Very consistent with his character. His personality type is kind of just a laundry list of traits, which isn't that bad, but consider: I typically use the personality type area to explain my character's reactions to people. So does he have a good sense of humor? Does he get angry easily? How are his social skills? How does he act with his friends vs how does he act with strangers?

Social section. Everything's good here. No complaints! (I also like how he lives with Andrea. Have you ever seen the vine "oh my god they were roommates?" That's what I said aloud lol. Correct me if I'm wrong, but does he have a crush on Halcyon, but not one on Andrea, while Andrea likes him, but not his superhero alter-ego? That'd be…fun.)

History section. I like his history! Refreshing to see a non-tragic backstory, especially for a lead male character.

Overall! Very well done. I love his personality a lot and I think he has a lot of potential! Good luck!

@WriteOutofTime

@TheMusicalVampire Here we go!

Looks section. Everything here seems fine.

Nature section. His mannerisms are so realistic! Great job on those. His motivations are pretty well thought-out as well. His flaws are quite consistent with his mannerisms and motivations. His personality type is the only thing I can really critique, so well done. In his personality type, you kind of just repeat a lot of his flaws and then move on. I guess what I'm saying is, what is his personality like beyond his depression and anxiety? What's his sense of humor like? Just sarcasm? Do people think he's funny? Does he like to hang out with others who he knows well? What does he do that makes him mature for his age? Do people like him, or do they typically avoid him?

Social section. I like how in depth you went with his political views. In occupation, instead of putting "too young for a job" just add that he's a student.

History section. It's hard for me to truly critique/understand this character without a background. Without context, he's not really much of a character. You've done a great job adding details and everything, but without a background, I just don't know enough.

Overall, he seems fine. It's hard to picture him in a story without his background, though. Good luck.

@WriteOutofTime

Kat, I'm finally getting around to Luke! This weekend was kinda crazy so here we are. Anyway, critique time….

Appearance section. Very average, no identifying marks… Gee. Not that an average appearance is a bad thing or anything, it's just a bit boring in this case. I think maybe just one identifying mark with a story behind it would spice up his looks. Other than that, you're good to go on this section.

Nature section. I like the mannerisms! Interesting that he's always so energetic. Is there a reason why? Is he a fitness fanatic or a caffeine addict or something? Adding a few more mannerisms might help to humanize him a little more and get a clearer picture of him in your head. Imagine him speaking for a while. What does he do with his hands? What does he do when he's nervous? Angry? Sad? His motivation is okay, but a bit weak. I guess for a college student it's okay, but why does he like to create chaos? What is it about it that entices him? Most people don't want to randomly create chaos, so why should he? Loving his flaws, prejudices, etc. though. Very consistent with his character. His personality type is just a laundry list of traits. How does he act around friends vs how does he act around strangers? What's his sense of humor like? What type of charm does he have? Is he down to earth and easy to relate to, or is he suave and smooth and a sweet talker?

Social section. Nothing wrong with this section. Straight to the point. If you want, you could add why he supports equality and why he's agnostic. He doesn't seem the type of guy to just want equality because it's the right thing to do. Since he's such an off-the-wall individual, what is it about equality that entices him? Why is he agnostic?

History section. I like his history a lot! …Except the very beginning. It confuses me some. Like, any police officer (just about), even if he's a HUGE asshole, wouldn't ignore a white, blue eyed six year old begging for help. I think it might help to age him up a little? Like maybe ten or eleven? It just seems so unrealistic that anyone would turn him away. Other than that, I like that he's an anti-villain! You don't see many of those in fiction and I think they're a lot of fun.

Overall, he's super cool! He seems like a flawed but interesting anti-villain. Good luck!