forum Want me to critique anyone? I'm game

Started March 06, 2018 by @@Rubyjane

tune

If anyone has any characters they want critiqued I would love to try to help!

Cool! Critique mine? Dara

Very good!! Only a few things..
Squirrelly? I hope there is a great story behind that, lol:)
180 pounds is extremely over weight for someone of her height
Maybe try more description on her eye color and skin tone
the chemical burn is a nice touch! Also hope there is a goo story behind that because it sounds good
everything else looks really good, lots of detail, it looks nice. One last thought, it seems like you have set some differences between the twins, but maybe make sure that there are a couple more so that they are really their own person

Her brother mostly calls her Squirelly because she snacks a lot and her thought process is too fast for most to keep up with. I should add that lol, thanks! (Also, regarding her weight…it's not bad to be overweight, I wouldn't ever call 180 extremely overweight for a 5'4 girl. It wasn't a mistake.)

Princess Fotia Fengari The Second She may be a little Mary Sueish, so feel free to help!

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
I'm sorry, I never meant to imply that it was bad thing to be overweight. Extremely was the wrong word. I apologize.

That's fine, just wanted u to know that it's okay to have different shaped characters!! especially since everyone is different shaped irl. plus in the post-apocalyptic society she's in, she's one of the few people with wealth enough to be "overweight" so that's part of the reason I included it. thanks again for the critique :)

Flowerfur, Lover of Seliph
She seems very very interesting, my biggest suggestion is that you add more detail all around, she is such an interesting character I (and others) would want to know more!!
What color specifically is her hair? has it changed as she has gotten older?
What does she plan to do about hating war? What sort of actions shows that hate of war?
Does she have any cat like instincts or is it just her looks?
Does her gem being a Ruby carry any specific privileges/challenges?
Other than that, keep making neat characters!!

Theria Pye shes kinda in a weird stage of me changing who I want her to be so it might be alittle confusing… Thanks for the help!

Corinne
Very intriguing, I would add more detail everywhere here are a few specifics:
What shade of blonde is her hair?
Maybe add a few more mannerisms, What does she do when angry? excited?
This is random, but how extreme is her neatness?
What exactly is the castle?
Is there a particular reason she likes the sunset? A happy memory of one perhaps?
What kind of training technics were used? Is everyone chosen? Just a few? If so why some and not others?
Why did she stop protecting M and start guarding whatever the castle might be?
Just a few things to think about,(I know there aren't exactly spots to put the answers to all of these questions, but just for you to think over if you feel like it) but over all she seemed very thought out and 3-D

Hey! Would you mind critiquing an initial profile of one of my antagonists?

Here's a link:

Thank you very much Ruby! some of those things I have thought about but I just didn't realize to write them down. I really appreciate the advice!

@LavenderZo
Your character was very interesting to read about. A couple of things you might want to think on:
Adding more detail to his hair, eye, and skin tone/color
How did he get said stab wound?
Add some mannerisms, does he have a specific thing he does when angry? Sad? Excited? (anything really)
Maybe define his prejudices a bit more.
his favorites animal is a dog, did he perhaps ever have one?
Keep up the good work!!

Could you do mine?

My antagonist - Darya, Goddess
Payton - Payton Stewart

@Celestial-B
Antagonist: she seems so good\interesting, I honestly couldn't find anything I thought you should change. I would only like to know who the new caretaker of the ocean is:) I haven't looked at Payton yet, but I will soon

Thank you! I'm glad you think that! And don't worry, take your time!

Haaiii could you do him? Luciel Hawkley thanks:)

@Celestial-B
Another great character!! Just a few things:
This is weird, but do his eyes sparkle in the light? When he laughs? When?
Any reason why he hates rock climbing? (or is he like me and has to clue why they hate something, lol)
Does he feel any remorse after he says something rude to someone? Or does it just not register in his mind as something worth apologizing for?
I love his favorite color thing, very creative
You said he uses a sword when he doesn't use his power. Any particular reason why he wouldn't use his powers? Are there certain restrictions? Is he just bored of it?
Love his backstory!!

@MajimePlease
try adding More detail on skin tone
I like his motivations
How did he learn 9 languages? That's quite a feat
He seems like a very interesting person with odd morals.
Good job!!

Okay, thank you!!

I hope you don't mind critiquing my 2 characters.
Fjola - Fjola
Talia - Talia Swift

Thanks!

@Lightningclaw13
Talia:
I would say more detail all around.
Her backstory is (in my opinion) a bit unrealistic, I can't imagine wanting to be friends with someone who was that cruel to me. But then again she might be more forgiving than me, lol.
Fjola:
Very thought out. I didn't find anything worth mentioning.
Good job!

@Ruby jane
Talia: Is there anything specific? Sorry, it's just I need to know exactly what's wrong so I can fix it. I'm not a very good observer. As for her backstory, she probably is more forgiving than you, lol. I'm going to explain why she forgave them so easily in the comic I'm making.
Fjola: I'm surprised nothing was really "wrong" with her! Thank you!