Oooh! Can you do my boy Fennec?
Here's Aaron Aaron Phillett
Why are you asking for critiques??????? This guy is incredible. My first impression was "oh, a jock" and then as I read more, I realized just how deep this guy goes. Incredible. That being said, I think it's going to be all too easy to fall into the jock archetype when you're actually writing, so make sure you use all of the fantastic ideas you have here. I have no objections!
Oooh! Can you do my boy Fennec?
-You did such a great job on the boy that all of the following things are suggestions that you could probably live without.
-Immediately, my brain demanded that rose be used as a nickname as well, perhaps a teasing one by close friends.
-Could he potentially be referred to as "the phoenix" because of his survival? It seems like it would fit well.
-Excellent mannerisms.
-Flaw you may want to consider: if he wants to finally get some peace, is he the type of guy that will do anything to get it, even if it's wrong? Not necessary, but I think it would fit.
-Another potential flaw: if he's looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with, is he too trusting? Does he crush on others too easily? Are his romantic feelings for someone too intense or smothering at times?
-Yet another flaw: if he's scatterbrained, does he often forget about the people who are closest to him? (this a flaw of mine, because I am very scatterbrained at times)
-Also, your boy sounds like a near textbook description of ADHD. I'm down to help you out with that if you want.
-Would he really just up and leave a glass sculpture? Glass is so delicate, and could easily be broken while he's away. You could turn that into a symbolism thing tho.
-Because of losing siblings, is he the type who would be unable to keep from trying to help little kids? That could be spicy.
Rott, perhaps?
notes and translations may be confusing, so if you have any questions, ask!
Boom, here’s Monyi for you! :)
He’s a member of a alien species called the Clikor, so here’s their info if you’d like. :)
Here's Sparkles Sparkles ^J^ I'm scared about the integrity of her character.
Sorry I haven't replied to everyone, I will get to your people either tonight or tomorrow :')
Here's my girl! (Kind of a WIP, as in not sure how i want her to be just yet.) Natsuno Atsuda
- If he's often referred to as "subject 1," sub would probably be another nickname
- If he's been undergoing experiments for the last 13 years, I'd expect bruises on his arms from IVs, needle marks, or surgical scars
- Since he's been in a lab, I don't think it's necessarily realistic for him to have an athletic body type, unless they allow him to exercise
- Needs a few more mannerisms
- As you said, motivations need expansion. Here is a list to use: https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations
- Just be careful with morally gray because I've read too many books where that just means that the character is terrible and then has a tragic backstory and one redeeming quality. Make sure he's someone we'd really like!
- Background definitely needs more fleshing out
- (this isn't important but rat by penelope scott slaps and is a great song for him)
Thank you for this! I'll definitely use your suggestions, this was super helpful!
here's my bby girl Delilah ovo/ Delilah Higashikata
i've been trying to get ppl's opinions on her sooo… yuh.
Maybe his worst enemies call him Rotten?
I wish it would work in my language
thank you for your critique!
- An antagonist being named Sparkles is so good
- Needs more mannerisms. Does she fidget? What's her posture like?
- I think she could use one or two more motivations just to make her less of a character and more of a human. See https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations for ideas
- Needs more specific flaws. Just keep them short. For example: Jealous of Miri, Petty Entitled, etc.
- Needs a background story written out.
Definitely still a WIP but I'm excited to see what she becomes!
- An antagonist being named Sparkles is so good
- Needs more mannerisms. Does she fidget? What's her posture like?
- I think she could use one or two more motivations just to make her less of a character and more of a human. See https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations for ideas
- Needs more specific flaws. Just keep them short. For example: Jealous of Miri, Petty Entitled, etc.
- Needs a background story written out.
Definitely still a WIP but I'm excited to see what she becomes!
Thank you! I definately agree with the name(she actually started out as the protagonist, you can see how that worked out). Thanks for your input on the flaws and motivations as well, that immidietly gave me more ideas!
- Definitely needs more flaws to flesh her out.
- Okay, so I definitely have not seen JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, so let me know if I'm totally off the mark here, but she feels flat and unfinished. I was having a hard time getting a sense of personality from her, so I think that most of the areas in the template need some beefing up
yeah, i haven't quite fully developed her yet so that's why everything isn't really polished as of now.
but thank you for pointing this stuff out! i'll make sure to work on fixing her up more.
Monyi
- My immediate concern is that I don't know how to pronounce this boys name. That might just be because I am an idiot, but that is something you might want to think about.
It’s pronounced just like it’s spelled; “mon-yee.” :) It’s derived from a species of dragonfly.
- Mannerisms need work. What does he do with his hands? How does he stand? Does he fidget?
… he’s a quadruped, he doesn’t have hands
I didn’t really mention either of these because.. well, I like to imagine he’s pretty normal in these aspects. The part about fidgeting is interesting, though, he probably does fidget! I’ll add that to the list.
Hmm. I think my list is fine, honestly, since it covers his morals (wanting to do the right thing, but not at the expense of himself) and goal in life (being an inventor). I might go back and clarify some of those things, though, thanks.
- Needs more flaws. Make a T chart on some notebook paper, and on one side, write all of his positive characteristics. Then write the negative consequences of them. Those are his flaws.
He has the same amount of flaws as he does strengths, though, I’m not sure what you’re getting at. I probably should go back and mention his character neutrality and self-preservation as a flaw, though.
- I think you would benefit from writing his background down in short sentences. It doesn't have to be fancy, I usually just do: "And then this happened to [name]. This is how they felt. This is why they act this way."
Good idea! I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I’m pretty busy with homework in the current climate, haha.
Thanks for the critiques! I don’t wholeheartedly agree with all of them, but I’ll still be sure to take them into consideration. You keep the good work up as well!
Hiya is it okay if I send my character through google docs, I only use this site for severe rough drafts but I’m in dire need of an unbiased critique. If so here is Theo Barnes!
Sorry for posting this character on a separate post, but can you do another one of my characters? Or does this count as spamming?: Miyu Suzukaze
Hello!
I was hoping to get some critique on two of my characters, Eilore and Araite! For some context, they are sister Goddesses who work on Earth and were created by The Goddess of Life. They have a brother named Nyaery, but his character profile isn't complete just yet (feel free to check it out tho :P). Also please note the magic system I use is called Kilotai! You don't have to read that section because its pretty lengthy and confusing, but if you would like to be my guest! Thanks a lot :D
The Goddess of Time, Eilore: Eilore
The Goddess of The Sun, Ariate: Araite
(Forgive me for spelling mistakes I tried my best <3)
