Sure thing, love! This was the first non-gender-specific character I have reviewed so this was fun! I really like the explanation as to why they do not have identifying features, very cool! I totally get the whole "not caring about the weight" but it is a good detail to have so the reader can know if the character is a build similar to theirs, helps them identify with the character, feel me? I like the reasons why they have their hair short too. I think Dakota is a very interesting character. One thing (I feel bad saying) is that their personality is a little…. grey. And from the sound of things, it works with their story but I'm just saying that they will have to have unhinged reactions to things at some point or else it's like reading a brick wall. And I really really really hope you don't take offense to that, I don't mean it to sound harsh at all! I still think they are a wonderful character
Thank-you so much!
Don't feel bad at all, it's something I'm a little worried about for sure. I'm hoping their more subtle emotions will show through when writing from their pov, but we'll see xDD I've only just started their story, and I'm still getting into the swing of their character, but I think I'm making them interesting? Time will tell ^^ And don't worry, they do eventually snap xD Thanks so much for pointing it out, you weren't being harsh at all! ^^ It's a very valid point :)
Hi, could you possibly critique my character Veda? I have a lot of her specifics and backstory on paper, so apologies if it’s a little vague. Thanks! Veda Libertas
That's all good haha! Sorry, this took so long to get to you, it has been a rough quarantine for me :( Because there aren't as many specifics, as you said, it is hard to make a judgment of a character but I think Veda is a put-together character. The one thing I notice the most though is you have contradictory information. She is a "benevolent and understanding Queen" and "very mature for her age" but in your Flaws section, you said she only listens to herself or a few select people. You also say she is overly emotional when given criticism. These aren't exactly the traits of mature people. (though tbh I get emotion like that sometimes too no shame, though I am 16 so I guess I have a right to XD) So yeah just something to think about. I think those are good flaws no doubt! But perhaps she isn't as mature with them. All in all, she sounds like a lovely character, I too would love to have a giant raven <3
@Scout i have no idea what "identifying marks" are for, i just slapped in what other ppl told me would fit, so expect that for my characters :">
As for the "lover" part, must all relationships be sexual? qvq even i dont have a proper word to describe them, since they are together, but not close enough to smash yvy
Mind if i send another one? :">
(That smash part made me laugh XD)
Yeah yeah for sure! (Sorry this took so long, rough month) I really like the description of his appearance from his face to his clothing. Also the description of why he seems emotionally detached at first but then grew to have emotions because of Narion, very unique. I really like that you state his purpose, not just his desire to protect his master but also to find out his old self, not everyone blatantly states this. (The fact that he fears disappointing or failing to protect Narion is beyond adorable) DANG his backstory is so cool! I always feel like I praise too much but with characters like this, I cannot NOT praise. I have basically no criticism cuz it looks like you have gone over this many times
I think Clementine is adorable! Got me excited to see a fellow shortie! (I am 5'5 and haven't grown in almost a year but anyway-) I think you have some great info about her but the information is a little bit all over the place… this is not a major flaw but it would be easier to read if you just double-checked that your info is in an appropriate section. Other then that maybe flush out some details and you're good to go <3
A question right off the bat…. if they are genderfluid are they comfortable being in a strictly male body?? As someone who is cis, I cannot make assumptions just a thought. You mention a character, Azrael, but you don't say who that is, I would add a little something to clarify if you mention a character in a section that we don't know. Like saying Azrael is Vozreal's opposite means almost nothing if we don't know who Azrael is, feel me??? His description could use a little more info but that's just me. What is the difference between their race and species if you don't mind me asking?? (I know there is scientific different but your Nightmare and 6th Dimensontion Nightmare sound similar) Overall id just add detail on things like Mannerisms, and any form of mental or physical Descriptions. Other than that Vozreal sounds like a lit character (I hate that I said lit but like.. it works XD)
Deleted user
Do my insane boi please
A question right off the bat…. if they are genderfluid are they comfortable being in a strictly male body?? As someone who is cis, I cannot make assumptions just a thought. You mention a character, Azrael, but you don't say who that is, I would add a little something to clarify if you mention a character in a section that we don't know. Like saying Azrael is Vozreal's opposite means almost nothing if we don't know who Azrael is, feel me??? His description could use a little more info but that's just me. What is the difference between their race and species if you don't mind me asking?? (I know there is scientific different but your Nightmare and 6th Dimensontion Nightmare sound similar) Overall id just add detail on things like Mannerisms, and any form of mental or physical Descriptions. Other than that Vozreal sounds like a lit character (I hate that I said lit but like.. it works XD)
They mostly identify as male, but are still genderfluid. Nope, no different between nightmares and 6h dimensional nightmares
A question right off the bat…. if they are genderfluid are they comfortable being in a strictly male body?? As someone who is cis, I cannot make assumptions just a thought. You mention a character, Azrael, but you don't say who that is, I would add a little something to clarify if you mention a character in a section that we don't know. Like saying Azrael is Vozreal's opposite means almost nothing if we don't know who Azrael is, feel me??? His description could use a little more info but that's just me. What is the difference between their race and species if you don't mind me asking?? (I know there is scientific different but your Nightmare and 6th Dimensontion Nightmare sound similar) Overall id just add detail on things like Mannerisms, and any form of mental or physical Descriptions. Other than that Vozreal sounds like a lit character (I hate that I said lit but like.. it works XD)
They mostly identify as male, but are still genderfluid. Nope, no different between nightmares and 6h dimensional nightmares
If there is no difference I recommend adding those under the same section but if ya don't that isn't a problem :)
(I wish we could use real emojis cuz I feel like the :) face is passive-aggressive and I don't wanna come off like that!)
Will you take a look at my insane writer child please
(His names are awesome!!) I really liked looking at this character because I didn't expect him to be an animal, a Smilodon no less!!! (One of my favorite creatures) One thing though is I do believe Pride Rock is trademarked so I would suggest rethinking this name if you ever write about this because it belongs to the Lion King. Another thing, are they able to transform into humans are or these just animals who are able to use technology to write stories? Just things you might want to consider putting in. All in all, he is a pretty cool character
Could you do my child, Kenna? Azia Eden Amaris Don't feel any rush, thank you!
(A side note, Kenna is very relatable in the way that I too am 16 and like 5'5 XD Nice to see a fellow "shortie")
You have slightly contradictory words in your description of her body type. You say she is delicate and thin but then says she is muscled around the shoulders and caves/thighs. This would be better described as perhaps a "Slim but Athletic Build"?? The sharp angles work with this too if that helps <3 I like her wide-ranged of flaws, it is often hard to think of good flaws and numerous flaws but these are tip-top! (Her sword is awesome too, dang!) Her backstory is killer! Great job on that, one thing though is you mention Ares as being an evil person and her greatest enemy but never really explain why? Or did I miss that part??
@Scout Thank you! And no you're right. It goes more into depth as to why Ares is evil in his own background, but his dark traits aren't revealed to Kenna until later in the book because she never really knew him when she was a child I should probably explain more about Ares in her background though ahaha
Hey!! If you’re not too overwhelmed, I’d love it if you could take a look at my girl!! No pressure if you’re super busy though. Thanks!
<3
(trigger warning for brief, non-detailed mention of sexual abuse)
Darling, I sadly a no stranger to that trigger (and I don't mean that as in I've been through it, my sympathy to anyone who has, I mean it is a popular trope and just.. hurts for villains)
You are too sweet and thanks for having an open mind for if I am busy, many thanks.
I think your description of Dahlia is AMAZING, the way you describe traits like an upturned nose and inverted pear body type is detailed in a way most aren't, even I don't describe like that as much as id like to
Based on your terms given under slang I am guessing you are not American OR these are just your universes terms used.
Idk why but vodka and Slurpees made me laugh XD Also I think I have a 6th sense for sensing fellow Bisexuals
I really can't give much criticism, she is such an awesome girl and GOOD FOR HER FOR STANDING UP AND GETTING JUSTICE (kinda reminds me of Frankenstein, the grave robbery part only)
Ahh thank you!! And yeah lol I can see how the slang might be a bit off-putting to Americans, it's pretty much a mixed bag of what old people in my area refer to as 'teeny-bopper language' and more 60s-inspired terms. Thanks for your feedback! I appreciate it so much!!
<3
Hey there! If you’re not too busy I have a couple of close-to-complete characters that may need a bit of tweaking (but feel free to just look at one or the other).
Marniy (the more finished of the two): Marniy Bellónel
Seraphine: Seraphine Tellmont
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