forum Send characters and I will give you feedback (Closed at the moment)

Started April 05, 2020 by @Scout Premium Supporter

tune

hewwo again qvq
mind if i submit another kid?

Would you mind taking a look at my character Nicholas Norman

I genuinely cannot find anything to critique on Nick XD so major props to you! My only thing would be to add details to like his backstory, did he have a happy childhood before school, any pets? Basically my advice would be to add spice, other than that really well done

i'm struggling with making my newest character, Ashley, feel more fleshed out and human so some critique would be nice!

(don't mind the messy art, it's just a placeholder until i finish her portrait!)

hey doll! i see you've got a lot on your plate, but if you get around to it i'd love some thoughts on this dude ((Hyram Chase))

Of course, love, its what I'm here for :) One thing I noticed right off is you describe him as being "Very tall" and "Very thin" these are very good to use in a book instead of actual measurements but if you are creating a character in a template like this you may want sharp details just so when you do write (or if) then you know for sure that he is considered tall <3 Also remember to add comma's between things, it took me a moment to realize what you meant when you were describing his IDENTIFYING FEATURES. I do really like your backstory for Hyram though, very original. You might want to mention Ophelia a little sooner though or just word things differently because when you first mentioned her I didn't know who she was to Hyram. I laughed when I saw "Dead Straight" XD Overall besides little things I think you did an amazing job. I don't necessarily hate Hyram (like you thing says we should) I just think he's misguided, the poor thing. I would 100% read this story of his son and him if you were to write it

hewwo again qvq
mind if i submit another kid?

Of course love, I would review as many as you like <3 I was immediately intrigued because of their tags, I am constantly blown away by the level of detail you put in. It makes it so easy to picture! One question I have is you said he is human now, a former Naga, how did this happen? Also, you still call him a Naga so I was just wondering. Also, I would perhaps introduce Virion as the "master" character sooner so it's not just suddenly thrown out there, makes things a little bit confusing. Overall I think Hiryur is very cool, a very unexpected villain! I thought he was this cute little snake boi and then I find he kidnapped a child?! Mental, man, simply crazy! Just those minor things and other than that you're golden!

i'm struggling with making my newest character, Ashley, feel more fleshed out and human so some critique would be nice!

(don't mind the messy art, it's just a placeholder until i finish her portrait!)

Hi! Sure sure, and the art is lovely btw dear, no worries! Some I noticed is you don't have an exact age, which is fine if that works for you, but exact age like 18 or 19 (since she is a late teen) could be nice to have. I like the personal life details, very helpful, and her mannerisms remind me of me when I'm having a bad day XD. I think Ashley is a great character already, just gotta refine the details you want. I like she seems fleshed out already, she has a rounded personality and traits to go with it

@Scout a yee, thank u man qvq also rlly happy u thought he was cute xd
I did mention how he came to be in his backstory, but das oke c:
As for Virion, their relationship is sorta complicated, like somewhere between master/subordinate, lovers and father/son. Its really tough to explain yvy

But once again glad u like him C:

@Scout thanks so much for all of this! i really appreciate this advice and i'm glad you find it intriguing. i'll have to keep you in mind for when i'm looking for a couple people to edit my draft of the story in the future. (: would you mind glancing at ophelia next? Ophelia Chase

Can you look at my favoritechild?

Thank-you!

@Scout thanks so much for all of this! i really appreciate this advice and i'm glad you find it intriguing. i'll have to keep you in mind for when i'm looking for a couple people to edit my draft of the story in the future. (: would you mind glancing at ophelia next? Ophelia Chase

Yeah, sure thing! Id love to edit a draft if you'd like <3 I notice a slight absence of specifics but again that isn't a huge deal except most people might not know what the average height of a 52-year-old woman is. Also, if I hate either of Maddox's parents I think it would be here nope she is not a nice lady. In flaws you mention them not letting Maddox have a surgery, did you have this information anywhere else in this? If not id just explain the surgery while you mention it. I think she is a solid character, besides being mean, but I think she is a character people will love to hate. (Also her backstory is sad but like, she doesn't get much sympathy from me). OH! And a side question, what do the white dots under their eyes mean??

Can you look at my favoritechild?

Thank-you!

Sure thing, love! This was the first non-gender-specific character I have reviewed so this was fun! I really like the explanation as to why they do not have identifying features, very cool! I totally get the whole "not caring about the weight" but it is a good detail to have so the reader can know if the character is a build similar to theirs, helps them identify with the character, feel me? I like the reasons why they have their hair short too. I think Dakota is a very interesting character. One thing (I feel bad saying) is that their personality is a little…. grey. And from the sound of things, it works with their story but I'm just saying that they will have to have unhinged reactions to things at some point or else it's like reading a brick wall. And I really really really hope you don't take offense to that, I don't mean it to sound harsh at all! I still think they are a wonderful character

Could you do another of mine? Honestly just pick any lmao.

hewwo yet again, sorry if im being annoying, may i send another kiddo?

Could you do another of mine? Honestly just pick any lmao.

Of course, love! I chose Oberon (really liked the name and his rank as former autumn king were eye-catching) his personality is very easy to identify with because I think we can all be like that some days. I feel bad for him and Titania for getting turns to stone, why exactly did that happen though, it was not explained. I think his backstory is good but could use some more details perhaps, like MAYBE childhood, other friends, etc

Could you do another of mine? Honestly just pick any lmao.

Of course, love! I chose Oberon (really liked the name and his rank as former autumn king were eye-catching) his personality is very easy to identify with because I think we can all be like that some days. I feel bad for him and Titania for getting turns to stone, why exactly did that happen though, it was not explained. I think his backstory is good but could use some more details perhaps, like MAYBE childhood, other friends, etc

Aw, thank you! I love Oberon lol. If you're not too busy, would you mind taking a look at either Beckett or Nich?

hewwo yet again, sorry if im being annoying, may i send another kiddo?

I think it's funny you sent Virion because I already lowkey stalked his character page XD Just a little thing but you put things in IDENTIFYING MARKS that are not technically considered marks but it doesn't really matter as long as you get your point across (consider maybe making a special tag for nonphysical means of identification?) I think he makes a good neutral villain (PERSONALLY neutral villains are not my favorite but he is cool) Also, a side note, a lover is usually a term used for people who are sexually involved with each other so I got a little confused when I read that he is asexual but he calls Hiryur his lover. (after looking up the word I see that is sometimes used to just refer to a romantic relationship so I guess this works still but id still consider that lover is more often than not sexual) All in all, I think he is a well-rounded character who just has some interesting morals but don't we all sometimes

Could you do another of mine? Honestly just pick any lmao.

Of course, love! I chose Oberon (really liked the name and his rank as former autumn king were eye-catching) his personality is very easy to identify with because I think we can all be like that some days. I feel bad for him and Titania for getting turns to stone, why exactly did that happen though, it was not explained. I think his backstory is good but could use some more details perhaps, like MAYBE childhood, other friends, etc

Aw, thank you! I love Oberon lol. If you're not too busy, would you mind taking a look at either Beckett or Nich?

Sure thing! I looked at Beckett this time. In AGE you say he is 17 but then later you say we meet him in the story at age 16, I don't know if I'm missing something or if its a typo soooo… His mannerisms are very easy to identify with too, especially his deflection method. A little thing, when you mention a character we don't know about yet maybe mention who they are when we first see their name (example: Cora was mentioned a few times before she is revealed to be his sister) I love that he loves geese but the relationship is strained XD. I feel so bad for this poor boy, I hope he gets closure in his story :'(

Could you do another of mine? Honestly just pick any lmao.

Of course, love! I chose Oberon (really liked the name and his rank as former autumn king were eye-catching) his personality is very easy to identify with because I think we can all be like that some days. I feel bad for him and Titania for getting turns to stone, why exactly did that happen though, it was not explained. I think his backstory is good but could use some more details perhaps, like MAYBE childhood, other friends, etc

Aw, thank you! I love Oberon lol. If you're not too busy, would you mind taking a look at either Beckett or Nich?

Sure thing! I looked at Beckett this time. In AGE you say he is 17 but then later you say we meet him in the story at age 16, I don't know if I'm missing something or if its a typo soooo… His mannerisms are very easy to identify with too, especially his deflection method. A little thing, when you mention a character we don't know about yet maybe mention who they are when we first see their name (example: Cora was mentioned a few times before she is revealed to be his sister) I love that he loves geese but the relationship is strained XD. I feel so bad for this poor boy, I hope he gets closure in his story :'(

Yeah that must be a type, I'll have to look at that again. I hope he gets closure too (wow that was ominous, I just don't know how his story will go)

@Scout thanks so much for all of this! i really appreciate this advice and i'm glad you find it intriguing. i'll have to keep you in mind for when i'm looking for a couple people to edit my draft of the story in the future. (: would you mind glancing at ophelia next? Ophelia Chase

Yeah, sure thing! Id love to edit a draft if you'd like <3 I notice a slight absence of specifics but again that isn't a huge deal except most people might not know what the average height of a 52-year-old woman is. Also, if I hate either of Maddox's parents I think it would be here nope she is not a nice lady. In flaws you mention them not letting Maddox have a surgery, did you have this information anywhere else in this? If not id just explain the surgery while you mention it. I think she is a solid character, besides being mean, but I think she is a character people will love to hate. (Also her backstory is sad but like, she doesn't get much sympathy from me). OH! And a side question, what do the white dots under their eyes mean??

:D i'm glad you asked! in the world of my story, "Beyonds" are humans with funky magical talents. Every Beyond has a "Signature" in the form of a physical marking that glows or changes colors or some shit. Why, you ask? Because it's ~cool~

@Scout i have no idea what "identifying marks" are for, i just slapped in what other ppl told me would fit, so expect that for my characters :">
As for the "lover" part, must all relationships be sexual? qvq even i dont have a proper word to describe them, since they are together, but not close enough to smash yvy

Mind if i send another one? :">

Hi, could you possibly critique my character Veda? I have a lot of her specifics and backstory on paper, so apologies if it’s a little vague. Thanks! Veda Libertas

Can you do my Character Clementine please Clementine Williams (Aka. Nakamura-Williams Clementine)

Do my insane boi please