forum my child
Started by @WriteOutofTime
tune

people_alt 12 followers

@Masterkey

I like it! (Also I see what you did there in the prejudice section)

It's kind of hard for me to critique characters on here, since I'll really be able to judge them if I can see then in action in writing, you know? I couldn't see anything bad that jumped out at me though.

@Celestial-B

I'll have a try at her!

Hmm, I really like her name! It is kinda hard to pronounce at first, but after a moment I got it, it might have just been me though lol. And does she have a last name? I didn't give my characters a last name at first either because it just didn't feel right and last names are hard to find >-<. But eventually I just went to a last name generator and it actually gave me some cool and interesting last names! Its here if you'd like to take a look :D –http://www.namegenerator.biz/last-name-generator.php

Ok, next She seems just slightly at the edge of a average weight of a 5'5 female, which isn't bad because i'm 5'5 and that weight lol, but if you'd like you are able to take her weight down by 10 lbs + if you wanted to :D. And something I tell people a lot is to elaborate more when they tell us what the hair and eye color is! Instead of saying her hair is red, tell us its copper, or light auburn! And for her eyes, instead of saying blue, tell us they are baby blue, or sapphire!
If she is very pale, she probably burns easily, I know I do lol. So you should probably mention that in her skin tone!
Nice mannerisms! They make her seem very realistic! But something in her personality through me off. You say she is nice, but you also say she can be very rude and ready to fight, those two things kind of contradict each other. I'd suggest fixing that!
You say her education is the same as Tasper. Instead of saying that, tell us exactly what it is. And who is Tasper to her? Are they important in the story? Are they important to her?
And I think her background is a bit more. Maybe put something like if she had any siblings, or any pets. Did she want any? Did her parents want her but they just couldn't take care of her?

Anyways, I think if you just fix a few things you'll have a nice character in your hands! Good luck! :D

@Grace<3

Hello ~let's take a look :D

Ok I love Sacia! She seems like a pretty solid character :) The only thing I have to say is to explain her personality a little more. Her flaws and personality are just kind of a list of traits. This is fine, but really explaining how she reacts to things and what she is like by being more descriptive paints a better picture :) Give us examples of when certain parts of her personality shine through. Does she act a certain way only after she's provoked? Etc…
Also, tell us how she got into her hobbies, and why she likes them :)
Overall, I like your child :) Just add more details to really bring her to life and you'll be set!

Grace <3

@WriteOutofTime

@Celestial-B i see what u mean about her name. its kinda just a fancier, dystopian version of Sasha. pronounced like sa-shee-AH. will definitely take ur advice about eyes and hair, although mentioning that her skin burns is kinda pointless since they live underground lol.

thanks again :)

@Celestial-B

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime No problem! And I see, well then you should probably mention that also because as you could see, I had no idea she lived underground lol!

@LavenderZo Premium Supporter

I think that you should definitely think about some possible repercussions of living underground (i.e. a poor immune system due to a severe lack of vitamin D in Sunlight, etc). it can make your characters more believable if they experience and deal with human ailments along with their other problems and can bring up interesting details about how the society deals with these ailments.