So this: James is my character James, I created him a few years ago as comic relief and am now trying to faze him into a more serious main character (probably a recipe for disaster). As you can see from clicking on the link, there's not much there. The problem is for as much as I love him I don't know much about him. He struggles with some heavy stuff (childhood abuse, trauma, addiction) and I want to do justice to those things without those things BEING his character. I'm sure I should just scrap him and start from the beginning, but I'm too damn sentimental by this point. Anyway, any advice/constructive criticism/ ancient shaming rituals would be greatly appreciated.
-M
Your gonna have to turn it off of private before I can look at him, after i'll be glad to critique him for you!
To do that, click on his profile, and in the top there should be 3 circle in a triangle, click that and turn his profile off of private and then i'll be able to help you!
Just an FYI, when I tried to open your character it was set as “private” and I couldn’t view it, so first open that up - thanks! 😅
But for that character, a few questions;
Is he being drawn in a comic? Or is it just written in a 2D world?
What is his goal?
You can answer those later but a few things to keep in mind…
If you don’t want the abuse to be part of him… sorry. It should be. Let me explain. So he struggles with child abuse, addiction, and trauma, right? How do those things affect his character? Those aren’t things you just brush off, I’ll be the first to tell you. Maybe he is basically a polar opposite because he’s learned a lot from his struggles, so now he is very soft and gentle and emotional.
Oooorr his previous experiences could make him really tough and unbreakble. (Although I feel like he should have a soft spot for something like kittens or tiny alligators, you know?)
Work out the dynamics of your character. Emphasize on their struggles. Yay! Writing! ✍️
@fizzylizzy235 tiny alligators? XD
M I would be happy to take a look at James once you turn it off private. :)
I took him off private thanks guys!
-M
Ohh alright! I'll have a go..
Alright, first off, hes underweight. ESPECIALLY for being 24 and being 5'4. Even if you did say he is really small, he's not unhealthy. I would say he should way somewhere between 125-145 lbs. Okay, next. You said his eye color is brown, well there are a lot of brown colors in the world lol. Explain more! Say they are tree bark brown, coffee brown, etc! Doing so will give us a more visual description of him.
Next, I think you've got some nice mannerisms so that is good. In his motivations, you said he was 'passed by' and that made him spiteful. What does that mean? Why would it make him feel this way, elaborate! Another thing, you say he is a binge drinker, well I don't think his personality fits well with that description.
Okay, you keep talking about the resistance, what is it? What happened and why? And Niomi, you keep mentioning her. Tell us who she is to him. Does he like her? Are they siblings? Just friends?
Mmm alright, here's the thing; you put a few important things in his background, but i'm sure you can do MUCH better lol~ What about his mother? Who did his father lose the bet to? What is so bad about the capital? How old was he when he was taken? When did he meet Niomi? There is so many more things you can put and explain! It will really develop your character much more!
Hope I helped and good luck with the character!
Thank you so much for your suggestions! I updated him a lot
It's hard to critique a character profile without seeing them in action, but here's what I have:
My first thought was "Dang, CHIEF strategist at 24? He must be special." Hopefully you have an explanation for how he made it so far at so young. And I guess you're going for the whole "he looks like and weighs about the same as a kid" thing?
"Tends to shake"? Shake where, all over? Does that mean he's cold all the time? I mean, that would make sense since he's pretty skinny. :P Also, his drinking problem coupled with his underweight body would make him get drunk real fast btw.
Is his only talent being smart basically?
I particularly enjoyed the little details about the resistance printing illegal newspapers and running illegal schools. That intrigues me. :D
@Masterkey he's kinda useless physically. He's really good at getting what he wants through manipulation though. He definitely plays a behind the scenes, writing things down role in the resistance that I don't have a less pretentious name for yet. He's not very forefront although his mind is behind basically everything. And thanks about the newspaper/schools! A big part of the problems with their government is censorship, in order to avoid another polarizing war (this whole world takes place only like a hundred years after the world as we know it was destroyed by nuclear war, cliche I know)
I find that Individual Roleplay helps a lot with charachter- you really learn about how they react to things. But because it's not exactly easy to find great platforms for that stuff, the next best thing is to throw him into as many situations as you can.
For example, My charachter John is a vampire.
Before you roll your eyes, consider it just another trauma in his life. At nineteen he was attacked (Resulting in his biological quirks), and his fiancee, that all-in young love romace left him when she figured it out. Long story short, he rather unwillingly became a hit man, and a very popular one at that.
So, his life sucks, he made a ton of stupid decicions. So what?
Mentally and emotionally, he is suffering from that, but there is a totally awesome person behind all that. he trauma bogs down his personality, but he is a unique person that likes math and cinnamon in his tea. When dealing with a troubled charachter, go to their personality, then to their issues. Their issues are a hinderence, chains on the charachters confidence and happiness. They are their own person, but they can only go so far until those chains bring them back to earth.
"John couldn't help but grin as the kitten climbed up his lap, it had been a while since he had touched something so sweet. Although, the sharp tip of his fang brushed his lip, and at that harsh reminder, his smile dissolved. No need to freak Avalon out, she had been so kind to him."
Hey, great idea, but unfortunately I'm in the middle of exams and don't have time to do a roleplay justice right now, I wouldn't want to do it haphazardly. Thanks for the idea though. That's definitely helpful!
-M
