forum I'll critique your characters/give you tips! (closed)

Started October 18, 2020 by @FantasyOCmama15 forum

tune

I am fine with links to character profiles or just descriptions. Go for it!

Here's my boy, Kage Kage Shiore

@LilMeme Excellent job with all of the details. You gave many reasons for his current personality, and it all makes sense with his past. He has a very 'shut the world out' mentality, from what I'm seeing, and it fits perfectly. He passes the vibe check! good job ;)

Here's Vincent :) Vincent Criss

@Bugz26 Excellent job! I think he's well developed and I can clearly see that you have plans for him. Just a tip- if he saw a lot of death as a child, you might want to make him either slightly traumatized by this, or make him see death as something simple or maybe he is desensitized to it (you might have already said the latter). Good job!

hello !! here is my boy aeolus !! Invalid Character

Please critique my anxious child Aster. Invalid Character

don't think I've gotten feed back on this girl yet, she's the least developed of my protagonists so be gentle but also give me all the thoughts

@radiosoda I LOVE the amount of detail and humanity poured into this character. A lot of people easily make the mistake of making their characters 'OP' or 'Undefeatable' or 'flawless', but you recognize all of the realistic aspects of his past, present and future. You made his character, his story, and his overall vibe suck me in! He definitely passes the vibe check.

Please critique my anxious child Aster. Invalid Character

For some reason it wouldn't let me @ your username so I had to quote you, lol. So I love Aster's character and their aesthetic. They seem like a sad, but intriguing character because they care so much about others and so very little about themself. I think that you have developed Aster well, and keep up the great work!

@algalithe I like her so far! I don't know much about her aside from the basics from this, but I can tell that you have great plans for her. It's clear that she seems to be timid and distrustful, and I might go so far as to say it is because her father became an alcoholic, but what caused her behavior to be 'scared and uncomfortable'? does she have anxiety? if so, did she always have it, or did it come from an event? Did her father lash out at her? It seems like she has (or had) a huge responsibility for her siblings. I think she's great!! those are just some questions you might want to ask yourself :)

Character??
Allison Mercy

For some reason it wouldn't let me @ your username so I had to quote you, lol. So I love Aster's character and their aesthetic. They seem like a sad, but intriguing character because they care so much about others and so very little about themself. I think that you have developed Aster well, and keep up the great work!

Thank you! They're actually a bit of a new character, but it was easy to write them (maybe because I connect so much with them)

Here is my guy: Akecheta Askook Williams
I have had someone look at him before, but his personality traits seemed to be counter productive, so now I want to see if the few changes I've added have made a difference :) theres no rush, thank you!

Can you critique my character, please. Ally Cowiak

Here is my guy: Akecheta Askook Williams
I have had someone look at him before, but his personality traits seemed to be counter productive, so now I want to see if the few changes I've added have made a difference :) theres no rush, thank you!

I really like this character! Akecheta seems to be a very conflicted person, who, with a traumatic past and anger issues, has potential to either be a tortured hero, or a misunderstood villain- this is really good, because you can go either way, or you can make him fit right in the middle. Maybe he does a lot of bad things for 'the man', and then realizes that he can't go further and that he must stop the man, or maybe he decides that he can continue that lifestyle if the man would just tell him why he was doing those things. There's several different directions that my brain goes in for Akecheta, and that is really a good sign, because you can always keep your readers hooked, not knowing what he will do next. Great job! Keep it up.

Character??
Allison Mercy

I like her! Allison is an intriguing character with an interesting race! I can tell by some of your descriptions that you have lots of plans for her. But I suggest, that if she is 'used' by humans in some respect, you said that she feels empowered by it. I feel like that is realistic to an extent, but maybe she eventually gets sick of it. Maybe she decides that she wants to be seen as something other than beautiful, and she is sick of people just lusting after her. If she is your protagonist, it might be good to give her some frustrations with the world around her, because in reality we all go through that, and if she is half-angel, maybe she thinks that humans can be vile at times, or maybe she has a little higher standards than them and struggles to get along with them. I'm just throwing some suggestions out there, you don't have to use them. I think overall she is very interesting and has a lot of potential! good job!

Can you critique my character, please. Ally Cowiak

It appears that it is a private page. If you change the settings on it so that it is public, I can view it. Let me know if you do that and I'll critique after you do that!

I did

I did

She looks like a cool character! I can't give a huge opinion because there isn't much information about her on her page, but she seems like she could make a good protagonist. I'm sure that you probably have many stories about her or her past ;) but if you don't, then maybe ask yourself questions like these: What was her childhood like? Why does she do the job she does? How did she get together with her husband? Or: How do the kids in her classes treat her? does she have a good or bad relationship with them? And the most important thing you will EVER be able to ask yourself about a character, is: How does this character help or hinder my plot? You probably know the answer to that one already, but if you don't, take a look at your story and where you want it to go. Is she helping you get to that goal? If she is, great, you can continue to develop her even further! and if she doesn't, then what things can you do to help her fit into it? Once again, I don't know much about your storyline, but going off of what I read I would definitely give it a read! Great job!

I did

She looks like a cool character! I can't give a huge opinion because there isn't much information about her on her page, but she seems like she could make a good protagonist. I'm sure that you probably have many stories about her or her past ;) but if you don't, then maybe ask yourself questions like these: What was her childhood like? Why does she do the job she does? How did she get together with her husband? Or: How do the kids in her classes treat her? does she have a good or bad relationship with them? And the most important thing you will EVER be able to ask yourself about a character, is: How does this character help or hinder my plot? You probably know the answer to that one already, but if you don't, take a look at your story and where you want it to go. Is she helping you get to that goal? If she is, great, you can continue to develop her even further! and if she doesn't, then what things can you do to help her fit into it? Once again, I don't know much about your storyline, but going off of what I read I would definitely give it a read! Great job!

Thanks! I already know the answer to most of these questions, but I didn't know what kinds of questions to ask myself in order to improve. This helped some.

I'm not sure if this is appropriate place to ask this, but I have a character trusts people too easily. Would that be put under the "Flaw" section or somewhere else? Just curious.

that page is private btw

I think I fixed it thank you