I had an old one of these but then I went on vacation for a while and lost it in the chat lol, so i'm making a new one (that old one got too crazy too lol)
Just comment your characters (turn them off of private first!) and i'll give them a good critique!!
I'm trying to get as much feedback on this particular character as possible, so could you take a crack at my villain's dragon: Mr. Perelli's assistant
Warning for some mentions of incest (nothing graphic). Also, if anything pops out as a bit familiar to you, don't mention it out loud.
I'm trying to create this character before I go and write the story please take look Priestess Aliandra
Here is the second half of the chararcter
@AmmyPajammy
Sure!
So she doesn't have a name? Usually most people have a name lol and in nicknames you could put Mr. Perelli's Assistant to show that people call her that, but that is just a suggestion. How long is her hair exactly when tied up in a scarf and how is her eye color unknown? Is it because no one has ever seen her eyes or is it because they vary in color? What is the black curse mark from and how long has she had it for? It seems to me like she only has one personality flaw, which is jealousy. I suggest putting more in because no one has only one flaw! Her background is really interesting, I like it!
Shes a really interesting character, good job on her! Good luck and hope I helped!
Can you look at 2 of my characters i'm thinking about changing Marcus to more of a bad boy type but i'm unsure?
@Mota Amira
your characters are on private ><
@m.M.L
Yours are on private too ><
aha >< i'm new to this site. How do you change that?
There should be fixed
ok it's fixed
@Celestial-B Thank you for your input! I'm sorry that It wasn't made clearer, but her real name is Calina Bowser. The reason I put it in other names is because no one knows her true name. Calina goes through bodies like mad, which means that Mr. Perelli's assistant position has a high turnover rate in the eyes of his colleagues and subordinates, and as such, people have stop referring to his "assistants" by name for convenience.
Her eye color is listed as unknown because her character is never shown from her perspective. At least, not in her original body. From the perspectives of the characters who stumble upon her original body, they only see a shriveling husk in a coma, hence why they never see her eyes (same reason why her height is unknown, as well). Same goes with her hair; the length doesn't matter because the body is never "shown" for longer than a few moments, and it's not interacted with in a way that would show exactly what she looks like from all sides. I wanted to keep it somewhat vague to up the creepiness factor about her situation.
As explained in her history, the curse mark was received when she made that pact with the demon (I didn't put an exact age because I'm trying to get her birth date down). It symbolizes the pact and the ensuing curse that shes under, a mark to show that she's cursed. As far as her only having one personality flaw, she's not exactly a prominent character. Her boss is much more prominent than her, and she's mainly there as a foil to another character, and I don't plan on developing her that much further.
But still, thank you for your feedback and giving me the opportunity to more thoroughly explain one of my favorite villain characters! As much feedback as I've gotten from you and others, I'm wondering if I should give her a bigger role in the grand scheme of things?
Ah I see. And I must have missed the thing that mentioned where her curse mark was from lol.
She is an interesting character like I said x3 Good luck with the story
@Mota Amira
Thanks lol, sorry it took so long, I've been a bit busy today.
So she has no age? Even if you don't have an exact age maybe you should put an idea of how old she is, it would help give us a better idea of what she looks like. What shade of blonde is her hair exactly? Honey? Strawberry blonde? Dirty blonde? There are plenty of different shades of blonde to get confused! And how long is her braid? To her shoulders? Lower back? Higher, lower? Her mannerism isn't exactly a mannerism. A mannerism is 'a habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving." So for example, plays with hair when nervous would be one! I think you should also give her more flaws. The one she has is okay, but no one has only one flaw. If you want her to seem realistic, i'd recommend giving her at least 5-6 flaws! Here is a list of flaws I use when creating characters – https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/ And you left out her motivation!! No character can be a good one without a motivation. Why is she the main character? What does she want to accomplish in the story? That would be her motivation. And no prejudices? And prejudice is "a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience." So maybe she things a certain person is bad based on things shes heard from someone else, that would be a prejudice.
Alright, now the second part to her character
Its most of the same things with the first part of her. I think you should just be a little more descriptive!
Good luck!
@m.M.L
Alright, first Marcus
How long exactly is his hair? Like maybe shoulder length? Longer, shorter? And there are plenty of different skin tones of tan, so is it lighter or darker tan? He doesn't have any identifying marks? He doesn't have freckles, dimples, tattoos, glasses, anything? Wooahhhhh there, there is literally nothing on his nature slide. Because of this it is hard for me to picture him or anything like that. What are his flaws? His prejudices (which is a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience, just in case you didn't know)? His mannerisms (which is a habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving, also in case you didn't know)? And his personality trait! Without these, I know nothing about him. This website is for you to put down what you know! Put as much down as possible! I know right now it might seem kinda pointless, but I promise you, everything on there is so important for you to learn and shape your characters. The same thing with his Social! Whats his favorite color? What does he love out of all of his belongings more then the others? Like I said, It might seem kinda stupid or pointless, but in the end it matters. Alright, hugeeee red flag, his background!!!! There Is!!! Nothing!!! There!!! That is what makes or breaks a character to be honest, well, besides the flaws and such.
I think he could be an okay character if you just elaborate on him more, because I don't know much about him!
Now, Ellios!
What color of green is her eyes? Forest green? Jade green? She has no identifying marks either? None? She has very little explanation of her personality too. No mannerisms! Those are soooo important to making a character seem more realistic and unique. Maybe she plays with her hair when nervous, or she likes to say Hola instead of Hi or something lol. Little character quirks like those really make a character more relatable to the readers. She has very little flaws, one to be exact. And it isn't even that big of a flaw!! Flaws in a character are what makes readers able to connect to the character and feel more when something happens to them. Maybe shes immature, or stubborn, or impatient! Those are all flaws! Here is a list of flaws I use when creating a character – https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/ I recommend giviner her about 5-6 flaws at least. Does she have any other hobbies or talents? Maybe shes good at cooking. Maybe shes good at combat idk its for you to decide! Her background is kind of small. I think you should explain a little more about her.
Your characters are very… thin? Not in body weight, I mean like in their actual character. I think if you fix these things that I mentioned, they will be pretty decent characters! Good luck and hope I helped!
Would you mind critiquing my daughter?
Karla: Karla Smith-Bowyer
@Lightningclaw13
Sure!
What color of green are her eyes exactly? Jade green? Grass green? Lime green? And how long is her hair? To her upper back? Lower back? Thighs? Where did she get the claw mark on her face from? I think you should give her a few more mannerisms. Maybe 2-3 more. Mannerisms really make it easier for readers to get to know and feel more connected to your characters. Her background is very interesting and thorough! Good job on that!
She is a good, well thought out character! Good luck!
@Celestial-B Hey! I posted something for you in my critiquing characters chat where I have critiqued your first character, please go check it out if you haven't already! Thanks ;D
@Celestial-B
(I've changed these things, I just wanna answer them.)
Her eyes are forest green and her hair is about mid-back length.
I'm going to explain that in the story for her. I already know how, I just need to write it out.
I gave her "Taps her foot, hand or finger(s) when bored, Avoids having eye contact with anyone who's not family or very close friends" as 2 mannerisms, so hopefully, they're ok.
Thank you! =D
I've been working on her for a long time. please don't critique the name. That is staying. otherwise, a would like some judgement.
Hey, I don't think you've critiqued my characters. Can you please check out my kids? I can put up a link to the universe if you need it. Thanks!
@Valentine12
Your character is on private x3