forum I'll critique your characters!
Started by @ImTryingOkayGuys
tune

people_alt 38 followers

@ImTryingOkayGuys

@Celestial-B
Lily:
She's very well fleshed out, and has an interesting backstory.
The whole childhood friend turned love interest thing is generally overdone, but it works well for her.
I'm very intrigued by the universe you've created here, too.
I don't have anything particularly negative for her, she seems like a pretty good character.

Grant:
He's a good fit for Lily, but he also stands well on his own. Good job.
Nothing negative for him either, in fact t seems like you've put time and passion into all of your characters, and I'm very curious about where their story would go. Also, I'm just wondering, he seems like he could be intimidating to Lily, since she grew up with an abusive father. I guess since she's known him for a long time he might feel safe for her, but does she ever get startled/scared by him? Especially with his short temper?

Sorry about the late reply, I had to go and eat and then I had to do some stuff around the house.

@ImTryingOkayGuys

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
She's a classic scientist, intelligent, socially awkward, ambitious, but it fits well on her.
She has a good backstory that helps explain why she is who she is, which is good.
One thing though, she and her brother are clearly meant to be foils for each other, and that's fine, but it's also overdone. Even though it is overdone, it does seem to fit into the premise just fine, and I'm curious as to what it could become.

@ImTryingOkayGuys

Flowerfur, Lover of Seliph
Interesting premise, like something from an anime
Some things about her appearance, the purple eyes especially, come off as Mary Sue-ish, but don't get hung up on that because honestly appearances don't always have to be explainable or particularly logical, and strange physical attributes are totally fine, so long as the character is good.
She seems a little 2-D right now, but a little fleshing out should help.
The way she's being described make her seem rather unlikable, and at this point I'm just curious if she's meant to be that way, or if there's just not enough information.
Overall, she seems interesting enough, and with some work she could have a very interesting story.

@ImTryingOkayGuys

Flowerfur, Lover of Seliph
A good way to flesh out a character is to expand on their personality a bit more. List positives and negatives, come up with things that made her like that. think about how her personality affects her interactions and the things that she does. Also the things she likes and dislikes. It might not be super important, but it might give you a better idea of what she's like. There are OC question lists that you can find, and also sheets you can fill out, so look around. You can find things just by googling them, or by looking around on Tumblr, since there are dedicated blogs.

@Celestial-B

@Eren

Thanks for the critique! I'm glad you think that about them! :D

And yes, sometimes Lilly does get a bit scared and intimidated by him. But since he has never physically hurt her and she is like 80% sure he wont ever, she can get back to normal faster than with others.

@ImTryingOkayGuys

Gisela
Arryh seems to be pretty well developed, and she doesn't have any major problems that I can think of.
I'm a little confused as to what her species is, exactly, so maybe add a little bit more about what Pruvians look and act like.
Other than that she seems fine, and I sincerely hope you continue to work on her and her story because it could become something great.

@ImTryingOkayGuys

@MajimePlease
Luciel is a well thought out assassin. His personality fits his motivations and interests/profession very well.
Initially reading through it, he seemed to be a little op. It's not horrible, though, and his flaws balance his strengths for the most part.
You have the makings of a character that readers will find themselves liking, despite his horrible actions. Good job on that.
Also I really like the art you have of him.

@fyodears

Ahh thank you so much:)
It's hard for me to balance his strenghts and flaws to make him as real as possible, you totally have a point there, and yeah, let's hope I make him likeable enough, because he will do some pretty horrible actions.
Also I know, I fell in love with the picture when I saw it!