forum I'll critique your characters!
Started by @purpleconverse
tune

people_alt 11 followers

@purpleconverse

This girl can use some major work…

^Zyra is extremely underweight for her height.
^Is her hair frizzy? Wavy or straight? Curly or kinky?
^Don't be afraid to go into details!! You want your readers to see your character in their minds. For example, does she has broad shoulders or veiny arms? Does she have big thighs or a small chest? Does she have a small waist or strong calves? Don't be afraid to go into full details!! «DISCLAIMER ALL BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL»
^In the mannerisms section, how does she carry herself? What does she do when she's nervous or sad? Cover all the basic emotions. Then cover her mannerisms in general. Is she a nail biter? Does she shut people out? Is she introverted? Your readers will appreciate every detail.
^How does curiosity motivate Zyra? Was it an incident that occurred and she wants to explore it? More details.
^How is she cold-hearted? What does she do to be seen that way? Don't be afraid to add more flaws!! For example, does she tap her nails a lot? Does she chew gum loudly? Just add some bad habits so your character is more relatable to the reader.
^How does she hate that she believes in soul mates? Is there a reason she hates that?
^Jot down more details in the personality type section. Is she friendly? Is she a snob? Don't be scared to write a whole paragraph if you want!!
^What is her occupation? Does she work part time anywhere? Where does she go on the weekend? Does she have a special hideaway place?
^What's her level of education? Is she a drop out? Is she a freshman or sophomore? Does she go to a public school or homeschooled?
^What's her background? Where did she come from? What's her history? Any family problems? This is where you write her role in the story and give her history throughout the story.

To sum it up, you need to add details. Details are a lifesaver! Write down everything you think of her! Bad and good!! Update her and fix her up, then if you want, link me her again so i can see your progress!!

Caboose

Kurr Oh yeah and some parts here aren't finished yet but here's what I could do in just 20 mins. Also some bits I answered as if the character was answering them.

@purpleconverse

Kurr Oh yeah and some parts here aren't finished yet but here's what I could do in just 20 mins. Also some bits I answered as if the character was answering them.

Hey I really like this character's potential! I especially love his werewolf-ness!! I love supernatural beings ;)

^I didn't really see anything in Big-Bad's looks that needed changing but it would be nice to know how big or intense his beard is. Is it long and "fluffy"? Does he take care of it? Is it closer to his face?
^More details in the body type section would help you visualize your character. For example, where is he muscular? Does he have big hands or broad shoulders? Does he have a tough 6-pack or overbearing leg muscles? Details would help you to visual see your characters better.
^Where are his scars and tattoos? Are they small or gaping scars? What do his tattoos like? Do they resemble his daughter or a wolf?
^What he do when he's being aggressive? Does he lash out a lot? What does he do a lot? How does he carry himself?
^Some little flaws would be nice, maybe finger tapping or nail biting, it would help the reader connect better to your characters
^Why does he hate people? Does he hate all people or certain ones? Don't be afraid of details
^Go crazy in the personality section, this section is where you truly get to know your character and the more in this section, the better your story will be
^I know Big-Bad probably doesn't care about his birthday or education, but your readers will appreciate every detail so they can actually fall in love with the whole story

To sum it up, more details never hurt anyone. Don't be afraid to go all out or "fetishize" your character a bit!! Can't wait to read Big-Bad's story!! ;)

@purpleconverse

https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/582084#!

Nice character but she could use some spicing up…

^Why is she called Ruby? Is that her sister's name? Do people confuse them or does she pretend to be ruby sometimes?
^How long is her hair? Un-cut or trimmed? Does it reach her mid-back or tailbone?
^Specify things in body type. Where is she thin and where is she curvy? For example, does she have bony wrist or lightly muscled shoulders? Does she have and small or flat chest? Does she have a narrow jaw or strong chin? Does she have hip-dips or a big waist? Does she have slim thighs or strong calves? Details never hurt and don't be afraid to fetishize her a bit! « DISCLAIMER ALL BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL»
^What does she do when she's sad, happy, mad, afraid, etc.. Don't be afraid to go all out.
^How does fear motivate her? Was it an accident? Is someone constantly threatening her?
^Go ahead and throw in some little flaws. For example, is she a nail biter? Does she smack her gum? Tap her fingers? Little flaws will help the reader relate to Eden more.
^What are her hobbies and talents? What does she do on a daily basis? Does she cook and why? Does she like to draw and why? Stuff like that will spice up your character.
^Why is she illegal? Is it because of her parents? Were they trying to escape something? Why doesn't she become legal? Is she afraid?

Your character could use some spicing up. She seems that she'll have a pretty cool story ahead of her. Just don't be afraid of details! ;)

@purpleconverse

Invalid Character I've Had This Guy For Like 6 And A Half Years, It's Not That Good But I'm Wandering What You Think Of Him!

Hey I think you forgot to switch your character from private to public lol, just change it to public viewing and resend me your character!!

@purpleconverse

Could you critique this girl for me?

What do you think?

Naomi seems pretty cool, she could use a little spicing up though…

^What is her weight? It's not that important but a reference may help you when describing her body type
^More details in body type is important. Does she have broad shoulders or bony wrists? Does she have a big or smaller chest? Does she have a big waist or hip-dips? Does she have thick thighs or strong calves? Don't be afraid to go into full details here!!
^What does she do when she's sad, happy, mad, afraid? How does she carry herself? This will help you when describing her personality type.
^Little flaws like nail biting or chewing gum loudly or tapping fingers a lot would help the reader relate and connect more to the character. Little flaws never hurt anyone, it makes us seem real.
^More details in personality would be nice. This section is most important because this is where you will see your character come to life and where you'll look at the most when you're writing about your character.
^The last little thing is that in her background, you didn't mention her escaping or on the run at all. That part is really important to have and don't be afraid to go into full details about it!!

To sum it up, details never hurt!! I can't wait to see this princess's story unfold!!

@halfging3r Chihuahua Mom

Hey, would you mind critiquing one or both of my twins? (if you only do one, could you do Egan? I'm not as confident on his character)

Finn: Finn
Egan: Egan

Note: I also made the "Half-Dragon" and "Alphan" race pages public, in case you want some context on that front. The current year in my world is 2036.

@purpleconverse

Hey, would you mind critiquing one or both of my twins? (if you only do one, could you do Egan? I'm not as confident on his character)

Finn: Finn
Egan: Egan

Note: I also made the "Half-Dragon" and "Alphan" race pages public, in case you want some context on that front. The current year in my world is 2036.

Egan:

I love this dude!! He seems like a calm person that cares a lot about innocents (animals mostly)!

^Specifying his weight will help determine his body type. If you say average that usually means 130-162 for men. It's not that big of a deal but might help you in the future.
^His hair color doesn't make much sense. Is his hair a light red or a silvery color? If is changes when he uses his powers that makes sense but be sure to specify that!
^Where exactly are his scales? Are they crawling up the left side of his neck? Or wrapped around his legs toward his stomach? It'll help you see your character better in you mind.
^More details in body type would be amazing. I really love this character but i wanted to physically see him like you see him. Does he have broad shoulders or veiny forearms? Does he have hard abs or a strong back (if that makes sense)? Does he have strong calves or big hands? Don't be afraid to fetishize him a bit!
^What are his mannerisms? How does he carry himself? What does he do when mad, sad, happy, scared, etc.? This is the most important part for your character! It's where he can really come to life, go ahead and type up a storm on this section!
^How does his brother motivate him? Does he feel the need to protect him? Or maybe the need to be better than him? Specifying this will help you in the long run.
^His prejudice is more of a flaw than an actual prejudice. What is something he hates? What's something he completely despises with everything in him?
^Go ahead and write a bit more in personality type! How he acts on a daily basis and such

Details never hurt anyone! Don't be afraid to spice things up a bit! I read about half-dragons and i love how how much detail you put into it!! I loved reading it and can't wait until i can read the book! I'll critique Finn next

@halfging3r Chihuahua Mom

Thanks so much! This is really helpful! (also, I'm not good with mannerisms, but I'll be sure to work on it!)

@purpleconverse

Thanks so much! This is really helpful! (also, I'm not good with mannerisms, but I'll be sure to work on it!)

i looked at his brother and you made some little mistakes with him as well. Apply some of what i said about Egan to Finn (height, weight, body type, stuff like that). I really like them and can't wait to read their story!!

@purpleconverse

Can you critique Rie for me? Here's the link; Rie Katayama

Hey I critiqued this character not too long ago on another discussion. I looked at her again and the only thing is to make sure you cover what she does during every emotion in mannerisms. What does she do when sad, happy, mad (examples)?