Show me what you got! <3
edit:
Guys- If you feel more comfortable PMing me about your character(s), please feel free to do so. I know the forum can get kind of messy and hard to see which critique is yours. I try to answer everyone's in order.
Have no fear! All will be judged by the Almighty (but tiny) Zombie Kat! Mwuahahahahahahaha
anyway…
Can you do these guys?
Haii can you do them?
Thank you:)
@Celestial-B
okay! hey hai how are ya?
So let's start with Darya. I love her appearance. She embodies the ocean itself. It's such a lovely trope for Gods to become what they protect/represent. Her general backstory of how she became a goddess is very unique and original as well.
Although, personality wise it think she may need a little more… well personality. She loves the ocean, yes but what else? She's billions of eons old there's got to be other things that have captured her interest. She does seem to fall into the trope of egotistical god. I think this may be the point of her villainous character, but I would be careful simply because you don't want her to fall flat and be evil just for the sake of being evil. Give her a "evil" goal to work towards. Right now she's just mad at everyone for taking something away from her and the death of her brother which happened millions upon millions of years before the story began (this is an understandable grudge as I would feel the same if my brother were to meet the same fate.) although, you did mention that she had gotten over the deaths of her family so her reactions may come off to readers as a little petulant.
Okay now Lilith-
good lord almighty I just want to give this girl a hug!! I think that she is well developed in back story and personality but i think you should add just a smidge of a spark in her just so readers don't think that she is all anxiety and shyness. You mentioned that she has magic later on in the story. Have that be her anchor to her inner strength later on, but give her something to fight for in the beginning too.
Grantttttttttttttttt-
I had to look up Max Barczak ahem what a cutie. (I too say "fight me" way too much)
So i love how he's the mama bear of the group and is pretty much an old cranky man in a teenagers body. My only critique of him is that people who are over protective don't tend to be particularly reckless. They have a tendency of over analyzing every possible situation that their loved one could get into and try their hardest to make sure that none of the possible horrid outcomes become a reality. You might want to add the specification that he's reckless when it comes to his OWN life, but then you fall into the classic "selfless hero" trope and you have to be careful not to make it overbearing or unreasonable. It's a fine line, but i think you can do it!
oh oh oh! one more thing- his motivation to protect his loved ones is fantastic, i looooooooove a good alpha male thats also a teddy bear, BUT again falling into that classic hero trope it can be a little predictable. Try giving him another motivation…. like to learn all he can about fire magic and spread this knowledge around the world (or something equally ridiculous.) what i mean is to give him a goal. Every hero goes on a journey to become better in some way. What's Grant's reason other than protecting those he loves?
Payton Payton Payton
Well he seems like your average "cool boy" thats really sweet underneath that frosty exterior. I do think that saying that he doesnt have motivation is not the best idea. All characters have motivation. It's like there's a missing piece of his personality…almost like he's unfinished? I feel like you really need to dive head first into Payton and have a conversation with him (i know this sounds crazy but trust me) about himself and what kind of story he wants you to tell about him. I saw that he has a love interest, maybe his motivation is to protect her and make sure that she has a good long life? He has friends and family and is about to embark on a CRAZY adventure with earth powers. I'm sure there is something that motivates him.
And now that im finished with my essay (LOL) I want you to know that in NO WAY am i meaning anything i say in a rude or condescending manner. I know how hard it is to trust someone with your babies, but know that your babies need to grow and to do that they need to be put through the wringer. Just like us out here in the real world. I think you have a fantastic story in the works and i cant wait to see more.
<3
Eternally
TZK
@MajimePlease
I love them.
That is all.
No, but really. You have a truly interesting concept that totally triggered my inner villain to laugh like a madman. I took the liberty of reading up on the universe that your charcters are a part of and i find it completely enthralling. RUN WITH THIS IDEA AND DONT LOOK BACK.
I'm going to start with Arabella because HAWT DAMN
I instantly thought of Alice in Wonderland meets The Red Room. I love this girl. The way she picks and chooses her victims is something everyone in the world has thought of and the fact that she acts on that impulse is freeing, in a way, for the reader. I'm a sucker for the kind of character that you, as a reader, know that you shouldn't love, but hell if im not going to. She's a powerful femme fatal, but still has that innocence of a youthful hero. Poison is such an underrated weapon these days and im so glad you gave it to Arabella.
Luciel is a gentleman that i'd love to have midnight tea with. I'm facinated by this character and his appreciated for the arts. It adds such a layer to him that is dangerous in its charming nature. He's like a poisonous flower that lures you in with its enticing scent. My only critque is that he is a little harsh on the personality level. Yes, yes he can be an arrogant ass, but theres got to be something inherently "normal" about him for readers to relate to him as well as him being able to make a friend in Arabella. I know their both assassins and had apathy, cruelty, and insanity practically scoured into them, BUT it's still a story and all stories need a good dose of character development.
SEND ME MORE
ahem.
Lovely. Truly. Kudos to you!
TZK
Be as honest as you can. Theses three show up a lot and I need help. They are being changed right now slightly
I'm writing a musical about Anne Frank, and for now I'm just trying to get all the characters DOWN. I'm also writing lyrics whenever I get inspired! I've been asking a lot of people for critiques on Anne, but I need some help with her sister and the boyfriend character. But I included Anne in this just for the sake of having the Big Three in one comment. xD I would love any input you may have on her though! ;D
@TinyZombieKat
Ah thank you so much for the critique! I'll definately fix and look into the things you said. And Payton is a bit underdeveloped compared to the other three, so that is why his motivation is kind of terrible lol.
Again, thanks!
@TinyZombieKat Ahhhh thank you so much, omg I'm really glad you liked my characters!! It's really hard to make Luciel because I want him to be perfect but human but heartless but with a sweet side… and right now he's a walking oxymoron heh… again, thank you sooo much:)
Here's my main character! Please critique Tasper Heol
Hi! Could you please look over this character? Any input you can give me is greatly appreciated:)
@Sir Silver
Alrighty, so Zeus eh?
Now Zeus is already a well developed character with a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong history. My advice to you is to find a way to make your Zeus unique to all the other Zeus characters out there. Especially with Percy Jackson floating around being awesome, it can be difficult to recreate a character thats been done over and over again. Maybe spice something up about him. Or change a HUGE detail about him that will entirely change the way that people see his character. I saw that you gave him Mjolnir! Huge change i dig it because your story meshes all the mythologies together, but you still need to find something about your Zeus that is unique and different.
Honestly, as a reader and lover of mythology based plots….arrogant, horny, asshole Zeus has been done to death and is kinda boring. He's a god above all else thats seen the world below him change hundreds of times. To have the same personality after all that time and experience? Not too believable or relatable.
Keep at it!
Hey So, Here's My Main Character Invalid Character I'm Thinking Of Changing Her, What Do You Think?
Hi! Here's my main character Celeste Appel!
Of course, I have tons more but they're not quite ready to say hi yet! A big go raibh maith agat and tapadh leat to you! If you want to see the significance of their names, go here: https://www.notebook.ai/forum/characters-board/does-anyone-else-use-descriptive-names-that-describe-your-character-s-personality
Calum has a Dundee accent, Iain a very musical Highland/Island, Ciarán Belfast, and as for Cathal, think of it as a mix of Dublin and Mayo.
I will be updating weapons, but here's the list:
Calum: AUG A3 M1/Lochaber Axe
Glock 9mm
Iain:
4 throwing knives (distractions only)
Knife
Sgian dubh
Swiss Army Knife
Gae Bolg (more on that later)
Ciarán:
AK-47
Hand grenade
Shillelagh
Hurley (more on that)
Cathal:
War sycthe/SP5K
Beretta M9A1
Hi! can you give s some feedback on these characters please?
us*
Howdy Hey!
sooooooo I want to start with Allania. Now, we have a really good basis for her character but I think you should dive deeper into her. You've scratched the surface. Don't be afraid to let her tell you her entire life. The cool thing about this site is that you can literally write as much as you want when creating a character. I have one that has a "backstory" that is longer than the actual page. You put her motivation as "getting through life and becoming a teacher", while these are good goals they seem kind of vague and underdeveloped for a character that is a goddess in human form. Generally, characters that have that special quality about them know that there is something missing in their lives and are particularly restless until they find it. To me Allania doesn't have that restless spark to know more to be more. I think her general personality traits need some refining. Like i said be fore you have a good basis but a "reserved/bubbly/outgoing/passive/hot tempered/insecure/distrustful" type character seems a little all over the place. Why does she act reserved if thats not her nature? Why make her hot tempered if she's not good with conflict and prefers to be passive? Why is she distrustful of adults? Just because? I mean shes practically an adult herself soooo……
Mama Tera Deamore - Sounds awesome! I love Mother Earth type characters because they are strong and bring out the best in other characters throughout the story. My only beef (well 2 beefs) is that she's go no personality traits down! How am I supposed to tell you how awesome-opossum she is if i got nothin??? my second beef is that her motivations are a little lack luster for a bajocknillion year old goddess. Yes, i understand that she's a mama that just wants her baby, but as a goddess she's got other loves/responsibilities to deal with as well. Don't forget that your characters have other parts of their lives other than whats going on in the story. ESPECIALLY god type characters. You're doing good! just dive in head first
Ethan Deamore……………………………sounds like a sexy bae. You made a note for yourself to edit more on him later and i completely agree. I think he's the most developed of the 3 characters you showed me. He's jaded and blunt but dont forget to give him a little lovely trait to have the reader as well as Allania fall in love with him okay? Most of our unfathomably sexy heroes are just big ole softies that have an outer mask of an asshole. Ethan is a demon so he's gonna be more of an ass that usual, but who doesnt love that?
All in all i think youre off to a really good start! Your characters need a little fine tuning, but once they get that fresh coat of backstory and intrigue i think you'll be golden.
happy writing!
TZK
I can't see yours darlin'
D:
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
waves casually Sup?
Tasper is an adorable cinnamon roll that should be protected at all costs.
I think that he is very well developed as a main character! My only thing is that because he's so young make sure to keep that child like view/ understanding of the world. I know that in a dystopian future children grow up fast but children are so frequently given the attributes of an adult character that it becomes unbelievable that the character is younger than 20. He's still growing, learning, and figuring out life for himself. Just remember how you were at 14.
Other than that I wildly admire his determination and drive to be something great and his loyalty to his own self. One thing that i absolutely love is that you gave him fear. This is such an underrated character development technique because fear is seen as something that makes people weak, but it is the exact opposite. Fear drives people to push themselves to a whole new level. Character's who master their fear are the ones to watch out for. They kick ass.
Tas is great. :) Kudos!
–TZK–
Thank you so much! I'm glad you like Tasper. He's my child lol. You're right that he's only 14 and I need to keep that in mind. It's hard because usually I write characters my own age. I'll have to work on it. Thanks again!!
WOOT WOOT SUPERHEROES
ahem
So idk if you've read my previous reviews up there^^^ but i mentioned that God characters are a little tough because they've been done so many times its hard to make them unique…. This is kind of the same for superheroes. BUT! Andrea/Halcyon has something good going for her. I think you've got the unique powers part down but mayyyyyyybe tweak her backstory a bit? It's sounding a little Captain America/Superman-y.
Also, when personifying a hero type character you have to be careful not to fall into the basic hero tropes.
-Example A: The Superman. aka: everything is black and white, protect the people at all costs, fights only because it's the right thing to do, blah blah blah.
-Example B: The Batman. aka: justice must be served but im gonna beat the living crap out of everyone, explode some stuff, be the prince of darkness thats constantly brooding and woe is me. (i love batman. he's my spirit animal but sometimes he's a dramaqueen)
My point is you have to find the line between the two and thats when you have a good superhero. Don't lean to much one way because then readers begin to disassociate with them. Don't be afraid to make your hero make mistakes, to be angry at the world they protect, to feel small and unimportant, to enjoy things outside of that life. Your hero is also a person. Never forget that.
My favorite example of a hero is actually: The Tony Stark/ Iron Man.
He's constantly conflicted with a battle between how to protect those he loves and the greater good for the people of the world. (aka: age of ultron and civil war plots) But he also suffers with mental illness and he's a wild, outrageous, ass that runs a company that works towards building a better world for the people that dont require the kind of saving by the Iron Man.
There's a fine line to make a hero great and that line is to also make them human.
Andrea is still so young and still has so much to learn. Don't let her fall into a trope. Have her make her own.
:D
Hi!
Okay so before i get started i just have to tell you it was quite alarming to open up the character page and see a doodle of myself staring back at me. XD Celeste looks just like me, except my glasses are square!
So now that i'm a little biased….
I dig her. (heh heh get it "dig"?) Im a sucker for a super smart woman that takes no shit from anyone. Her back story is sad but i can see how it does help propel her into ambition and greatness. Be careful not to make her too much of a smartypants simply because it can sometimes come off as annoying. Besides she's still got a lot to learn right? Alsoooooooooooo, dont forget to give her some charm. Even if there's no love interest make sure the reader falls head over heels for her.
All in all I think she's awesome. AND how cool is it to find and underground library!?!?! I'd die of happiness.
Did you use a program to create that picture of her? If so would you let me in on the secret? I'd love to use it for some of my characters.
Slán!