forum I'll critique characters!
Started by @GraceAnn:)
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@GraceAnn:)

My name is Gracie. I am a writer and artists. I know my opinion is the best but if you would like to hear it please leave your link. I'll reply within three days.

@GraceAnn:)

Hi! if you could do a full critique on my gal i'd really appreciate it. there are just a few places i dont have fleshed out, but i'd like to know what you think. Thanks in advance!
Really love the work you did on her! Here are some suggestions

  1. Could you be more specific on her hair length? Is it shoulder length? Pixie?
  2. What kind of curl? Is is textured? loose? wavy?
    3.Is her hairstyle like a Mohawk?
    4.Why would a warm cuddly person have a gas mask? You might want to explain that more.
    5.If she is over all good at everything she can't really have one talent that she's extra good at. Usually the reason they are good at everything is because they can't excel in anything.
  3. to me her flaws are a little vague and incomplete. You might want to consider coming up with a more solid type of flaw.
    7.can you write a little more on her motivations?
    8.Mannerisms are mostly body language and ticks that the characters has Some of the stuff you put there mostly falls under another social category
  4. tell us a little more about her back ground. It's kinda scarce

She's a great character and beautifully developed!

@GraceAnn:)

Hello, mind taking a look at this boi? q3q

  1. unless his red hair to one important event it sounds a little immature [just my opinion] try a yellow/orange eyed demon or maybe hotheaded demon. You could even try sharptooth demon.
  2. You might want to write a little more of his age. Tell what his exact age is or don't specify it at all and in his conditions tell why he appears to be and why he appears younger.
  3. shouldn't he weigh more than average? especially with a sword. To me demons would way more for their strength and age.
  4. facial expressions wouldn't be an identifying mark it would be under mannerisms. It's apart of body language and it really isn't a specific mark.
  5. What kind of ears?
  6. If he can't speak tell how he communicates opposed to verbal connection
  7. You mentioned he fights. What does he fight? What does he fight with? how does he fight with it? Does he use some kind of hand to hand combat style? If so which one?
  8. If his motivations are unknown are unknown to the main character or does he not know what he wants in the first place. That could make an interesting character but you will have questions later on about his alignment that conflict with that fact. Is he good? Is he bad? Is he neutral? Is he chaotic neutral? He motivations will decide this and his trust worthiness. with all of this he seems like an under developed character. I know he's not the main character but even if they aren't revealed later in the story in would be wise to have some in mind.
  9. If he doesn't have any hobbies what does he do in his spare time? You telling me no activity that he could possibly do brings him joy?
  10. No prejudices? No he just trust every person who walks his way? Your he has equal patience with every thing?
  11. Who are these creators? Why did they create him? Are their more like him?
  12. Your wording is a bit odd. "However, when given a specific order, he will not stop at nothing until he has completed it." I think you meant to say "He will stop at nothing until the task is completed"
  13. This character sounds evil. If he's a supporting character is the character that he is supporting evil as well? And if he's not evil explain how he isn't cause he sounds pretty evil at first glance. If you don't have any outside information you can't seem to peer him as good.
  14. You talk about this character as if you don't know him. You should! You made him! Even if nobody knows this certain thing about him, you should. Then specify that this information is only known to you.
  15. These irrelevant things are actually crucial to the character. All of these things tell a little bit more about the character even if you want it to be said in the book you should still know them.

Cute boy tho. I like the concept a lot

@Kinarymo

Heyo again o3o (normally i would not respond but i feel like i have to qwq )

  1. i dont get what u meant there, srry YwY
  2. i specifically didn't write down his age, as he could have been created anytime within the span of 400 years so no exact number is given :")) (or at least the characters dont know how old he is, and i am just too lazy to do the math ._. )
  3. Nope. His actual body is literally the sword. so in theory he should be even lighter.
  4. Unless he is a person who has never moved a facial muscle since the day you met him.
  5. The ref is there for a reason qwq
  6. He doesn't communicate at all lmao
  7. Uuh, i already said he has a sword so… isn't it kinda obvious?
  8. What motivations can an "object" have? He is literally a sword capable of taking a human form, he doesn't have a personality (probably because he wasn't given one). The things he does are all dictated by whoever owns him - think kitchen knives. You can make food or stab someone, and it depends entirely on the person wielding it. The knife itself is merely the tool used to do the job.
  9. Again, objects don't have hobbies.
  10. Same as hobbies. He's an object.
  11. I literally spoke about this in his "Specie" folder. As for his creators, if you insist, they are all anonymous.
  12. Agree with you here.
  13. His backstory should explain the supporting character part. And of course he sounds evil if he's been used by evil people all this time.
  14. Ohoho, i do know this boy well enough, i could even tell you who he used to be before he became a demon, but i can't give away all the information, can i? wink (this is plot related so). However, i listed everything there is to know about him as an individual separate from the story, so if it looks like i don't know this character, it's because i've given you all the personal info about him, not the way he ties in with the story (i've already listed enough of that)
  15. How is favorite color relevant? XD It's not that i don't know these details, it's because he actually doesn't have any. So no, these things are not crucial to him at all, as he is entirely build around the concept of a "humanized object".

Hope i cleared out some things about him :")))

@GraceAnn:)

Heyo again o3o (normally i would not respond but i feel like i have to qwq )

  1. i dont get what u meant there, srry YwY
  2. i specifically didn't write down his age, as he could have been created anytime within the span of 400 years so no exact number is given :")) (or at least the characters dont know how old he is, and i am just too lazy to do the math ._. )
  3. Nope. His actual body is literally the sword. so in theory he should be even lighter.
  4. Unless he is a person who has never moved a facial muscle since the day you met him.
  5. The ref is there for a reason qwq
  6. He doesn't communicate at all lmao
  7. Uuh, i already said he has a sword so… isn't it kinda obvious?
  8. What motivations can an "object" have? He is literally a sword capable of taking a human form, he doesn't have a personality (probably because he wasn't given one). The things he does are all dictated by whoever owns him - think kitchen knives. You can make food or stab someone, and it depends entirely on the person wielding it. The knife itself is merely the tool used to do the job.
  9. Again, objects don't have hobbies.
  10. Same as hobbies. He's an object.
  11. I literally spoke about this in his "Specie" folder. As for his creators, if you insist, they are all anonymous.
  12. Agree with you here.
  13. His backstory should explain the supporting character part. And of course he sounds evil if he's been used by evil people all this time.
  14. Ohoho, i do know this boy well enough, i could even tell you who he used to be before he became a demon, but i can't give away all the information, can i? wink (this is plot related so). However, i listed everything there is to know about him as an individual separate from the story, so if it looks like i don't know this character, it's because i've given you all the personal info about him, not the way he ties in with the story (i've already listed enough of that)
  15. How is favorite color relevant? XD It's not that i don't know these details, it's because he actually doesn't have any. So no, these things are not crucial to him at all, as he is entirely build around the concept of a "humanized object".

Hope i cleared out some things about him :")))

these character profiles aren't for the purpose of the viewers. They're for you and you alone. Anything that you know should be on this for you to look at and have as a character for your reference. When you write about a character you have to know everything about the character and I didn't get everything from this sheet im sure he's a wonderful character and I enjoyed what I saw. All I was trying to bring to your attention is that fact that even tho he's a secondary character you'll still have some questions that come while writing.

@GraceAnn:)

Heyo again o3o (normally i would not respond but i feel like i have to qwq )

  1. i dont get what u meant there, srry YwY
  2. i specifically didn't write down his age, as he could have been created anytime within the span of 400 years so no exact number is given :")) (or at least the characters dont know how old he is, and i am just too lazy to do the math ._. )
  3. Nope. His actual body is literally the sword. so in theory he should be even lighter.
  4. Unless he is a person who has never moved a facial muscle since the day you met him.
  5. The ref is there for a reason qwq
  6. He doesn't communicate at all lmao
  7. Uuh, i already said he has a sword so… isn't it kinda obvious?
  8. What motivations can an "object" have? He is literally a sword capable of taking a human form, he doesn't have a personality (probably because he wasn't given one). The things he does are all dictated by whoever owns him - think kitchen knives. You can make food or stab someone, and it depends entirely on the person wielding it. The knife itself is merely the tool used to do the job.
  9. Again, objects don't have hobbies.
  10. Same as hobbies. He's an object.
  11. I literally spoke about this in his "Specie" folder. As for his creators, if you insist, they are all anonymous.
  12. Agree with you here.
  13. His backstory should explain the supporting character part. And of course he sounds evil if he's been used by evil people all this time.
  14. Ohoho, i do know this boy well enough, i could even tell you who he used to be before he became a demon, but i can't give away all the information, can i? wink (this is plot related so). However, i listed everything there is to know about him as an individual separate from the story, so if it looks like i don't know this character, it's because i've given you all the personal info about him, not the way he ties in with the story (i've already listed enough of that)
  15. How is favorite color relevant? XD It's not that i don't know these details, it's because he actually doesn't have any. So no, these things are not crucial to him at all, as he is entirely build around the concept of a "humanized object".

Hope i cleared out some things about him :")))

these character profiles aren't for the purpose of the viewers. They're for you and you alone. Anything that you know should be on this for you to look at and have as a character for your reference. When you write about a character you have to know everything about the character and I didn't get everything from this sheet im sure he's a wonderful character and I enjoyed what I saw. All I was trying to bring to your attention is that fact that even tho he's a secondary character you'll still have some questions that come while writing.

Good luck!

@GraceAnn:)

Alice

do your worst :)) it's for the sake of development :)

  1. Her skin tone and body is very vague coming from the person that is currently drawing your character per me writing this.
  2. Party members would really help her i feel like. Just people that she can really trust and support to make even more beautiful than she already is. Maybe even a love interest in which she can protect. That is just an idea when you need to highlight her abilities or make her angry when you need too.
  3. Right more on her back ground. I love this character and want to see more of her.
  4. So she's a shop keeper? I love that! But what uses would she have for for magic? I just really think this character needs a shining factor. I just love the idea of her getting enraged because of a love interest being badly hurt and she explodes and becomes all bad ass and powerful. maybe even her eyes glow a little bit…
  5. I really love the spell inspiration from other literature but to preserve originality you could used words from a different language or avoid words all together to make her feel more in control in the eyes of the reader.
    That's all I have to say. :))))

@jantz

Alice

do your worst :)) it's for the sake of development :)

  1. Her skin tone and body is very vague coming from the person that is currently drawing your character per me writing this.
  2. Party members would really help her i feel like. Just people that she can really trust and support to make even more beautiful than she already is. Maybe even a love interest in which she can protect. That is just an idea when you need to highlight her abilities or make her angry when you need too.
  3. Right more on her back ground. I love this character and want to see more of her.
  4. So she's a shop keeper? I love that! But what uses would she have for for magic? I just really think this character needs a shining factor. I just love the idea of her getting enraged because of a love interest being badly hurt and she explodes and becomes all bad ass and powerful. maybe even her eyes glow a little bit…
  5. I really love the spell inspiration from other literature but to preserve originality you could used words from a different language or avoid words all together to make her feel more in control in the eyes of the reader.
    That's all I have to say. :))))

oh my gosh that was great. thank you so much. i'll definitely use that input :)

@GraceAnn:)

Do you mind critiquing my character Jedrek? It would mean a lot to me thank you so much

Ok here's what I got

  1. To be honest you talk like he weighs to much for the ratio but in reality the average man weighs 230-250 LBS. regardless of height so, if your saying he has that much muscle mass he really should weigh more than that
  2. Only 5'4? I'm 5'4 and i'm a thirteen year-old female with a height disability. Now unless you want him to be a little levi than I'd suggest making him about six foot or taller. Now than you know the scale you have the liberty to play around with sizes.
  3. Is there a specific reason why he was an unusual eye color for his ethnicity? It's unrealistic but nobody cares about those standards if you really wanted that I just wanted to let you know.
  4. The knee bounces are caused by restless leg syndrome you might want to mention that he has that in some sort of manner.
  5. Now do his motivations relate to the plot of your story?
  6. The benefits of being short and being tall in lacrosse balance each other out so being abnormally short or tall shouldn't pose any kind of threat to your ability to play it well.
  7. Why is a short, Lacrosse playing student doing fighting with his fists, much less at all? What's he got to fight? Y'know it's very unusual just for every one to fight for no apparent reason
  8. Couldn't understand what you meant under birthday but if that's all you need for reference than that's fine.

hope I helped!

@GraceAnn:)

Invalid Character If you could critique my character that'll be great!

Hey! :)

  1. The first thing I want to address is that you described the meaning of his role witch I appreciate but, You never really told us what the role was. Is he the main character? Is a support cast?
    2.The average cat weighs about 7 lbs. I don't know how that translates Just wanted to put that out there.
  2. A main coons height is about 25 inches on average. If he's main coon height he's kinda short.
  3. Does this cat have a reason to blend with storms or is that just a fun fact?
  4. Why do you describe him as deputy? You might want to explain that a little in one of the boxes. Unless you'd rather not.
  5. This template was made for humans so naturally his skin tone would be his body fur and the hair color would describe his accent hair pieces or the hair on the his head specifically.
  6. What do you mean by "packing a puch"? He's a cat. If you don't want that to sound like tom and jerry you could explain why you say that or simply describe his strength or his fighting style/claws.
  7. gReAt cHaRaCtEr!!

Anonymous author

Thank You! I forgot to mention that technically, this would be a Warrior Cats OC. My character is not part of the canon world, so it's kind of like a fan fiction if you ask me. I think if you read the books or got to know the fandom better, it may make more sense. I'll take your advice, Thank You!

@GraceAnn:)

Could you critique my kid Cole? Thank you!

Ok here we go!

  1. No earthly idea what a Cisboy is…
  2. 5'6 is a tiny bit short, just so you know. I don't know if you wanted him that way but the average male hieght is six foot. Even at his age i'd think he'd be a little taller. Unless you like a short boy in that case ignore this comment.
  3. The texture of the hair and a description that you offered should be under style not color. And If you don't wash hair enough it becomes softer not courser due to the natural oils.
  4. You didn't specify the length of his hair anywhere, in my opinion i think that's kind of important
  5. Aren't all eyes shiny?
  6. By race they mean Human, Oger, Elf, Dog. Not really ethnicities but you do you.
  7. A mark on the bottom of the foot is not an identifying mark. Unless you run up to people strip their shoes off and examine their feet every time you see them. Or he walks around on his hands and is bare foot 90 percent of the time.
  8. Why does he smell like that? You don't hear that every day so why don't you explain it?
  9. Being warm isn't a mannerism. A mannerism is body language. being a people pleaser should be under personality traits not mannerisms. Being a slow walker isn't particularly a flaw it's more of a quirk. Unless he lives in a city where they kill you for not walking fast. Then maybe it would be a problem…
  10. Looks great!!