Romance, a genre as timeless as the concept of love itself, has gone through many different phases throughout its existence. This usually pertains to the people in charge of writing it and the generation it's being written for. In today's society where the idea of romance is being more and more normalized as a wonderful -but not essential- idea, the interpretation of writing it is at its most subjective.
So how about you? How do you express love through your writing?
I like writing -and reading- romance as a sort of subplot, essential to certain characters, but not to the plot. And if a piece of media is aimed at a mature audience, both physically and mentally, romance doesn't have to be all about physical or 'romantic' interaction, but simply character interaction in general.
I like to write characters as themselves, making their way through the world in a way unique to that character only, and have the romance be almost unnoticeable, so much so that only the trained eye can sense the connection. When the romance is like this, it gives the reader a chance to expand upon individual characters and play a sort of game of spot the difference, and see the growth and change between relationships, whether platonic or romantic.
When I do make romance 'plot-essential' it is for the growth of characters and almost always involves some sort of loss, whether the life of one person in the relationship, or their loyalty. This amplifies the room for character growth a ton, since a major part of their lives was just ripped from them, and it forces them to come to terms with what they care about most, their personal life, or their mission.
I tend to dislike 'love at first sight/pining' a lot, but when it fits with the characters, I love it. Especially when unrequited. It shows a real difference in the two characters and forces the reader to keep reading painstakingly to see if the pining eventually pays off, or if something goes wrong (or both).
Usually, I also enjoy writing uneven relationships, where two characters seem to be in love, whether in a relationship or not, but they don't work for each other, whether because of their own internal issues, or the social climate/situation they are in that forces them apart. This allows the reader to see how the characters work together and also allows them to 'pick a side' if they want. I like it when readers have differing opinions, because debate is healthy.
And that's how I like writing romance!
I’ve never been in an irl relationship (romantic at least), but for me romance is hard to define in words. And the way I write my romance is similar to how I feel it irl.
Romance is a feeling to me (I know it’s a feeling to everyone - but for me specifically, I don’t know how to explain it). It’s like…I get happy around this person, I get happy around friends and family too, but this is a different type of happiness - like one mixed with anxiety (if my feelings are a secret). Some sort of excitement bubbling in the chest area. That’s how I’d imagine it feels to a lot of my characters, and I’m certain to write it that way.
Romance (once the feelings of all involved parties are no longer a secret), is written through the character’s actions, rather their words. Like I mentioned before, I have trouble talking about my feelings sometimes, so I write actions instead.
I’ll talk about a few examples of romance from across my projects:
Kennedy “Bones” and Vuksha
I’m a huge sucker for characters who will do anything for their partner, as though they have some sort of oath tied to their partner. That they just can’t break.
Most of my romances aren’t written through a lot of hugging or kissing (there is some still, but), rather different activities that the characters partake in. Can range from somewhat lighthearted “The Gang Goes to the Beach” to dubious “Let’s Assassinate People, Maybe a Movie Date Later?” (real examples based off of things some of my written relationships would do or have actually done). basically quality time.
I also write alien relationships (human-alien, alien-alien); I like to explore the creativity of writing something we humans would consider “odd” while this species thinks of it as “romantic”. That’s more personal things though, I just like exploring “What Ifs” type stuff.
How would I define love? Wow, that's a big question…
Well, I think I would describe love as possibly the most essential feeling out there. I don't think there would be many good people in the world today without it, and I believe everyone deserves to be loved. It hurts, seeing people who aren't getting enough love for themselves. And it's so painful to see someone put in so much effort; a hopeless romantic dying to be seen by their love interest, a child pleading for attention from their parents, a silent student sitting in the back corner of the room, just watching as everyone else smiles and laughs, and just being completely ignored. Completely blown off. These people could be their everything, and they could hardly even notice their existence. Just as love can be the most wonderful feeling in the world, it can also crush you to a point where it's hard to return from. And it's so hard seeing that in the real world.
And that's how I pull emotion into my writing. Everyone has had that one loved one who they couldn't do anything for anymore. That one loved one who has cut them out of their lives forever. That one loved one who you love more than ever imaginable, but you can't pull yourself together and let them know. I know the feeling of watching someone lose a person they loved more than life, never being able to see them again, and I take that feeling that lingers and lace it into my writing. As much as love is a happy, bubbly feeling in your chest that makes it feel like your heart will explode, it's also the searing pain that you may be chasing after something that could never be yours.
Somehow, writing about love is the most beautiful, yet the most painful thing to write about. There are so many possibilities that can come out of love, and there are so many ways to write it, whether it's in romantic terms or not. There's something about writing the ups and downs of love that gives me a bit of a reality check.
I usually think of love as an overarching term that covers all the instantiations of it (romantic, platonic, familial, etc.) while still maintaining the same defining characteristic, that of sacrificial giving. (And by sacrificial, I mean that you actually have at least a little something to lose, that you're making yourself vulnerable, not just giving someone the leftovers.) But I don't think that's the same thing as self-denial, and I don't think it means rejecting yourself in order for someone else to be happy. In other words, it's putting another person's needs before your own but not instead of your own. Love is ultimately the expression of your acknowledgment that you see that person, you affirm their existence, and you are basically saying to them "I love that you exist and I want to contribute to your existence." That's where sacrificial giving comes in, that because you love them, you want to give to them what you have (that you are willing/able to give; love should always be freely given, otherwise it's not longer love). Love is not selfish and it is cooperative and it drives a person to not only think of their own survival and thriving but of someone else's survival and thriving, too. One of the beautiful parts about love is when people are sacrificially giving to one another at the same time, they are miraculously left with more than they started with somehow. The tragic part of love is when that sort of giving is one-sided and turns into an unhealthy self-denial and an unwillingness to let go. But there's also an intriguing middle ground (which can also be amazing and lovely) that when love is extended freely without the expectation of a return, and that person doesn't give up, the other person can be drawn in to accept their bid for connection and begin to love them back. And even if they do not respond, somehow the person who gave freely is still better off than if they chose not to love (depending on if they did so healthily). There is so much to explore with these three ideas.
There's more to say on that but those are the ideas that influences my writing about love more or less!