forum Critique my character please?
Started by Jack
tune

people_alt 9 followers

Jack

I really appreciate opinions and advice from others, so if y'all could take a look, that'd be great. Thanks! :)

EDIT: I actually do read yall's comments and revise my characters so if someone said something but you couldn't find what they were talking about it's because I fixed it. I really appreciate yalls help :)

@T. W. Michaels

This is overall a very interesting character that I would definitely like to know more about. His backstory might be a bit over the top with all the horrible things that has happened to him. That could totally work as long as it have a bit more affect on him rather then just nightmares and panic attack. Maybe you could give him more social phobia or make him act oddly in certain situations. Other then that I believe he is a well made character that people would like to read about.

Hope that didn't sound to rude
Thomas

@Masterkey

I'll write my thoughts as I read:

  • Honestly… please don't be mad… but I feel like characters with scars, especially scars they want to hide, is overused and cliche at this point. I've read so many characters on here with the same thing. Not saying you HAVE to change that, just telling you honestly what I think of it. If it's important to the plot, then keep it, but does he have to be ashamed of it? (AFTER READING THROUGH THE WHOLE PROFILE: is it connected to his parents' death? Given his history, the whole scar thing actually seems good. :P)
  • I wouldn't say not being able to read or write English is a character flaw, but you could write it in his background maybe. Any other flaws besides a temper? What kind of flaws in his character could come about because of his tendencies and personality?
  • I think the personality could use a little fleshing out. How do others perceive him? How does he act around those he loves? How does he act around strangers? How does he perceive himself? Does he have a sense of humor?
  • Nooo Asher is his enemy (Asher is the name of my main character, although I can understand why he'd be disliked :P)
  • "Napoleon gimme some of your tots" XD (I can't not think of Napoleon Dynamite when I read "tater tots")
  • I'm a little confused how he can be in the foster care systems of multiple different countries… I'm not sure if foster care works like that. He'd probably stay in the same foster care system of the country he was a citizen of in the first place. How many other countries besides America have foster care?
  • His backstory is pretty horrible, and can have very negative consequences on psychology and behavior and development, much worse than nightmares. If you research it a lot, you should come up with real people's experiences and examples of the consequences. I hope he overcomes all of that in your book. :)

Good luck with writing your story! I'm interested in who this Zeke is, and what he means to Emil. What's the basic plot, btw?