Hey! Thanks for acknowledging my critique. You really did clear up some stuff, so that's good! If you'd like, you can give my girl a try?
My problem with her is that her personality might seem a bit like it's all over the place. Whenever I write her, she seems like she has no clear morals. I've also put myself in a bit of a difficult place because what I want to achieve is a downward spiral into madness - technically a Protagonist-Journey-to-Villainy sort of thing. I'm not sure if this is outside your comfort zone, but I'd still like to know how you'd go about it if it were up to you?
@degdeg Don't worry, that's not too outside my comfort zone. In fact, the villain for Tierik's story is exactly that, so I'm quite familiar with writing spiraling madness lol
I'm kind of confused where her conditions come into play after reading her backstory. Like, this is set in the early 1900s. Where are they getting this technology? What do these conditions do for her character exactly? I'm also confused by her being calculating but reckless. If she's good at looking for ways out of problems, how does she get into them in the first place? I can also still see her as someone who is stubborn. Just because she has doubts about it doesn't mean she can't be stubborn, and someone who is committed to whatever she pledges to is both stubborn and determined, both of which are note worthy traits. If she has little regard for her own safety, where exactly in life is she calculating? Ultimately, I do think she's a little all over the place. Maybe one, big defining character trait could help her. When it comes to protagonists gone bad, it's most enjoyable when their best quality becomes their biggest flaw. In the Tangled series that has been airing, the villain for the first season is Varian, who was a close friend at the start. He only became a villain because he wants his dad back. Wanting your family? A really wholesome trait. Hurting people to get them back? Less wholesome, more painful. She wants to find her brother, so really hype that up. Why does she want him back so badly? Why risk her life for him? I think that can help straighten her out a bit!
About being calculating and reckless, I do like to think that it's mostly because she's been in so many problems that she ends up having to hone a particular skill at solving them. I agree that someone who's supposedly calculating shouldn't be the type to run into problems so often, but I think she's more of the type that attracts unfavorable circumstances rather than actively looking for trouble. However, you have a good point about how the two traits are very contradictory. Perhaps I'll try to focus more on one trait over the other.
Thank you for clearing up the 'stubborn' thing, and for pointing out about how stubbornness and determination are noteworthy traits. I'll make sure to clarify those in my writing!
Using Varian as an example makes for some really great advice about my character and her goal, so I'll keep that in mind as well!
By the way, the advanced-technology-in-the-1900s thing is very much a part of the setting (it's in the Universe section), but how my girl's conditions relate to her personality have recently given me something to think about beyond a good reason to supply her with combat-related abilities.
This critique made me realize how much more focused my character's personality needs to be for the story. You've raised some very good points, so thank you for a great review! I'll be happy to help you out for other things you might need an opinion on. Thanks again!
@degdeg I'm glad I could help! I added another character to the first post of this thread actually, if you wanna check 'em out too. I'm always ready to return the favor!
Alright!! Looked through Ruka because I'm avoiding studying for finals lmao.
Can I just say that his appearance looks absolutely precious??? His face seems so soft!!
Also I read his hobbies section and when I saw "staring at Tierik when he thinks he isn't looking" all 3 hours of my sleep began to catch up on me and I wasn't sure whether to laugh like a weird zombie or cry from the sheer funniness of it combing over my oxygen-deprived brain. Went ahead and did both.
Need a few clarifications because I'm not sure if I'm confused by the wording written down for me or I can't process enough information fast enough this early in the morning (blame's on me on the latter option):
I can interpret that him never forgetting someone's good deed to be an act of honor for him (kind of like a soldier/knight code or something, at least, that's how I see it), but I wanna ask: how does this go with him not being able to trust people easily? If what I'm thinking is correct, then is he the type who would view this person with a kind of 'lighter opinion' but not without distrust? Like, "I know you're probably a nice person, but you'll probably still be suspicious if I caught you doing something sketchy"?
His political views seem to lean more on a desire for a democracy, if I'm right? Or a similar kind of government. Is it supposed to be some sort of irony/contrast to his personality? He's described to be the kind that would choose loved ones over the masses, which might be a bit self-centered of him, but he wants a government that will do the opposite. Now as I'm typing this I just kind of realized that that must be why he likes the selfless Tierik so much. Oh. But, well, yeah, so does that mean he compartmentalizes his political views from his own personal views? How does he balance those?
Small detail about the universe: are talking animals common in this world? And is Ruka also able to transform into a fox like Tsubaki?
As with Tierik, love Ruka's history!! It's a bit more engaging than Tierik's too but I guess it's because Tierik didn't have as tragic of a life tbh.
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