forum Critique Her Please?
Started by @Celestial-B
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@Celestial-B

Ah sorry, I totally lost this thread lol

Alright. First, Kalen

He is over weight by almost 70-ish pounds. I don't know if that is what you were going for, but the average weight of a 6'0 male is 165-200. If he has muscles, he would probably be in the higher part of that weight range. At least, based on my research, that is what I found. What color of brown is his hair exactly? Chocolate? Honey? Caramel? There are a lot of shades of brown! The same with his eyes, are they Jade? Forest Green? Mint? How many freckles does he have on his face? Is there a lot? Are they dark or lighter? His mannerisms aren't really mannerisms, more like his personality. A mannerism would be like 'plays with clothes when nervous' and 'bites lip when lying' or something like that. I think he should have more flaws. The two he has are okay, but go more in depth into his character! Expand on his big ego! Maybe he is stubborn. Perhaps he impatient. Arrogant possibly? Why does he hate the government? Is it the actual system itself or is it the people he hates? What made him feel that way. Hes got to have other talents besides being strong! And is he physically strong?
Emotionally strong? Explain! Maybe he is really good at cleaning. Maybe he can do math crazy fast. Idk lol, but people tend to have more then 1 talent or hobby even if they think they don't. On his personality type, tell me more about him there. Tell me about his little quirks, his likes and dislikes, his good sides and what he believes! That is what it is there for! What does the pendant look like that he wears and when did his father give it to him? Woahhhh there, hold your horses (pun intended lol). His background is tiny! It tells me nothing about him! The background is for you to really get to know your characters! Add everything you can think about him in there. Tell me about his parents, if he liked being a stable boy, did he have any other friends, did he have any pets, etc etc.

I'll do the other one later lol, this took a while to do