forum Critique/help to flesh out my protag?

Started December 18, 2018 by @CopperQueen

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Could I get some help with my protag who shares the perspective with their friend?
I need to develop them some more.

I think a way that you could develop them is to go through things in your story or elements of your world and determine how they feel about them, if that makes sense. Like, when you say their politics are "dystopian," that's not really their politics, its the world around them, and even that isn't a very descriptive way to talk about the world. Take aspects of your world and how it's dystopian and give them thoughts about it. For example, if your dystopian world has a powerful ruling class that dictates everything for the lower classes, how do they feel about that? do they want to overthrow that class? are they just mildly perturbed by it? are they a revolutionary? and if in your story, something tragic happens, like, I don't know, a death of a friend, how would they react? how do they feel about different people? the way your character reacts to the world around them is what dictates your character. i know all this is very vague, but these are just guidelines for how to approach characterization in general.

on a simpler note, think about ways to sort characters, like hogwarts house, or meyers briggs personality type. this can give you ideas about different directions to take your characters. Again, all this is very vague but that's just how I approach developing character. if you want specific advice, i can do that too lol. just wanted to impart some wisdom, yknow?

I’m going to be kinda harsh. You have been warned.
Motivation: Pride, identity. What does that even mean? How can someone’s motivation be Identity? Or pride? Pride of what?
The only flaw is clumsiness. That doesn’t count. In terms of character it has to be something inside their control or else it is just a thing about them.
Laid back and emotionally driven are almost opposites. How does this work?
This is a friendly, cute, American teen. (I like btw) In a dystopia. How?
Why the faked death?
How did she go from petty theft, (which can easily make sense) to assassination. (Which crosses huge moral boundaries.)
How is this cute teen an assassin?
“Never doubted themselves.” Bad. Very bad. You cannot have a good character without inner struggle. Without it a character arc is nearly impossible. Which would be okay in a minor character or one who never has the POV. But this is the protagonist!
That’s it. I hope I have helped. Sorry about the Gordon Ramsey approach.

Thanks! I'll try to do that! (I'll change up the politics thing 2)

Hello!! I'd really like to help, so I'm just going to go top down…

Oh, and a note–if I ever use the wrong pronouns, I apologize!! I try, but I will probably mess up at some point. :))

First off, I don't see anything wrong with physical appearance (I would probably move the necklace over to favorite possession, but that's just me being OCD). That being said, it's nice to flesh this area out a bit more–what's their skin like? Freckled? Flushed? I also find it nice to describe the general emotion of a character's eyes. Rather than just color, tell me if their eyes generally look stressed, or happy, or heavy. Often, that tells more about your character than eye color.

Okay, nature needs a lot more. What you have is a good baseline, but you need to flesh it out more. For example, motivations of "pride" and "identity" are fine, but they could mean many things. Explain to me (for example) how they desire to achieve recognition for themselves above all others due to, maybe, being bound to an organization for X number of years. That's more dynamic than simply "identity." When it comes to flaws, I would go for more personality flaws than external flaws. Maybe they're easily trusting, or, conversely, very closed-off. Stuff like that is best for this section. Finally, when it comes to talents and hobbies, I love to describe when characters do what they love. For example, one of my characters loves martial arts. I explain that she's very well-versed in multiple forms because she practices when she's feeling stressed–and she's often stressed, being Amberfell's rising politician and potential president-elect. Explaining the when and more importantly the why can add loads to a character!

Social page! Okay, for starters, "dystopian" isn't a political inclination. Go for more of a "liberal vs conservative" scale as it pertains to your universe. This works pretty much universally! The bigger issue here is the fact that they're an assassin. I got the complete opposite vibe from their personality. I'll have to look to her backstory to explain this further, but I would just keep this in mind.

Okay, yeah, I would recommend a lot more backstory. It's really the most important part! Tell me exactly why this necklace matters so much that they would steal/kill for it. Tell me why they love miso, and chopsticks, and karate. And most of all, tell me why they faked their own death when they were 14! That seems ridiculously important. I understand the "never doubted" thing, seeing as it pertains to sexual/romantic orientation. However, if this extends to personality, you should reverse that!

Overall, excellent character framework! Just flesh them out a touch more and you'll be all good.

I hope that this helps you!!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll The backstory was just scratched down from the notes I made on them and yes, I will put those things into the story, thanks!
And no, the "Never doubted" part doesn't extend fully to personality. It was actually part of them NOT being confident that led to the death fake. (I'm going to put more on that.)
The necklace part was apparently less clear than I thought, they didn't kill specifically for the necklace, they stole it from their first kill because they were supposed to take "valuables" but Jark didn't want it and they kept it. Now it's been a while and they have grown attatched to it because of everything they now associate it with. I'll try to clear it up.
Thanks for all he other tips as well =D

@CinnamonRoll The backstory was just scratched down from the notes I made on them and yes, I will put those things into the story, thanks!
And no, the "Never doubted" part doesn't extend fully to personality. It was actually part of them NOT being confident that led to the death fake. (I'm going to put more on that.)
The necklace part was apparently less clear than I thought, they didn't kill specifically for the necklace, they stole it from their first kill because they were supposed to take "valuables" but Jark didn't want it and they kept it. Now it's been a while and they have grown attatched to it because of everything they now associate it with. I'll try to clear it up.
Thanks for all he other tips as well =D

I'm glad I could help!! :DDD