forum (Closed! ALL OF THE KIDS WERE AWESOME! ) CAN I CRITIQUE YOUR CHILDREN
Started by @Torpion language
tune

people_alt 63 followers

@Torpion language

@Oppys-writing-skills-arent-the-best
Okay, first off can I say that Alice it a very detailed and well-rounded character! Btw, I love how you added the voice and scent sections in the Looks category, that's a really good idea! Her Looks section is very detailed, nice job. I don't have any criticism for her nature section either!

Okay, so I guess my only criticism would be in the quote section. Her sassy dialogue- while being very entertaining- doesn't seem to line up very well with her soft-spoken and quiet personality. Idk, it looks like she's with her friends in most of the quotes, so I suppose that would explain why she sounds a little bolder than I'd expected haha
Btw the vines killed me 😂

Aaaaaaa! Her history is so sad 😭 Nuuuu poor baby! I would like to know a little more about the magic book- Could you describe how the book 'spoke' to her a little more? Also, I'm curious about how elves and other fantasy races seem to live in the modern world- Is this an alternate universe or something? It's very interesting, I love it :0

Overall, I'd say that Alice is a very well-thought out character! My only criticism would be in the quotes section, but that's more of a minor issue lol

I hope this was helpful, thank you for letting me meet Alice!

@Torpion language

@Fangirl616 Alright, here's Zenith!

I feel like I got the overall impression of his character, so you did a good job with that- A little more detail would be helpful, however- Why does he seem to like murder so much? I suppose if he's a little insane, that could explain it, but violence seems to be his main motivation. But maybe that's the way he's supposed to be? I guess he was created to be a villain, but does he know this? And if he does, how does he feel about that? Does he have any alternate motivations in the plot, besides getting revenge? Any goals or dreams? What does he want to do for the rest of his life?

Also, you mentioned he was a student. I'm curious- Why did he choose to got to a place as orderly as school if he prefers anarchy? I don't know all the details, so maybe he was forced to go or something? Regardless, how does he feel about school? What does he like and dislike?

I love how you gave this vibrant and violent character a hobby as tame as cooking, it cracks me up lol- Is there a reason he likes the domesticity of it, like does he maybe wish his life was more domestic? He clearly resents the scientists for experimenting on him- In addition to wanting revenge, does he wish he could have had a normal life? Could this be the root of his hatred for them? It's up to you, I'm only throwing ideas at you, haha 😂

Other than that, I'd say he's a pretty solid character! I loved reading through his profile, his story if very interesting 😊 Also, I love all the artwork! Is some of it yours?

@Torpion language

@RainClouds_might_be_itachi Okay, Carmen-

k first off, it's not a mess lol 😂 I have a couple questions in the nature section- Is there a reason she's cold towards new people, like does she have trust issues? Also, I find it very interesting that she was in the military, considering her peaceful an non-violent impression. Was she forced into the armed forced or smth, or did she become more pacifistic after joining the military? Like, maybe she saw how bad war and battle was and changed? Idk, I don't have all the details so I could be misunderstanding her a little, haha..

Okay, in flaws it says that she has a lot of negativity directed at herself- Could you describe this a little more? Why does she feel that way?

Also, I feel like I got the overall impression of Carmen, but I don't q u i t e know her yet- What does she do in her freetime? Does she have any hobbies? Quirks or tics? What makes her angry (Or, seeing that she's kinda mellow, what annoys her?) What sort of things trigger her PTSD, and how does this affect her personality in that moment?

Okay, last thing- This one is more of a curiosity, haha.. I'm very interested in her species- She seems to be humanoid, but is there a difference between a human and an Avian?

Other than those things, I'd say she's a very interesting and dynamic character!

@Kaloobia

Hey dude! If you're not too swamped already, can you do my lady? Gerel She's in a superhero universe but right now I'm focused more personal development than powers. Thanks in advance! :)

@Torpion language

@Katastrophic Okay, I just looked at Rei!

I feel like her personality and motivations are pretty good, considering her background, but I had a couple of suggestions- I would like to know more about Rei's relationship with Ki, like how do they interact? Do they tease or prank eachother or do they have a more peaceful friendship? Like when Ki introduced her to the "rule breaking" game, how did Rei react? I think you should analyze their relationship and develop it, because friendships between characters are packed with opportunities to build character and you can bounce scenes off of their behavior depending on the type of friendship they have.

Also, her personality is great- but she sounds kinda like the incarnation of Hermione Granger- Which is not a bad thing, except if she's a protagonist instead of a side character. If she's a point-of-view character, I would recommend adding more facets and aspects to her personality. I find the 16 personality types helpful for getting ideas! (Also she struck me as kinda germaphobic, which could be a fun one to add ;) )

Very nice backstory- My only suggestion is to add a little more details, like what sort of hobbies did Rei have? (It seems like her parents might have made her study instead of giving her time to play, but SURELY she did something to entertain herself when they weren't watching-?) Does she have any minor hobbies (Like making bookmarks or pressing flowers) or playful attributes? Any little quirks? What would she do if she had a truckload of freetime, but I set all her books on fire? (So she couldn't study muAHAHA)

Other than that, excellent job!

@Torpion language

@Loki_Lyakuya Whew, okay- Here's Jade!

Alright, I feel like she's a cool character with a lot of potentiol, there's just a couple of things to work on, haha

First, when you say her body is 'willowy' could you elaborate on that a little more? I was a teensy bit confused, sorry..

Her personality needs a bit more elaboration- Like, why is she easily depressed? What things especially get her down, and do they have any links to her past? She strikes me as a secretive person, which might be something you could play on if you want.

Also I don't want to sound like a flake, but two characters with near-identical personalities can cause problems for the story, and make them seem flat and uninteresting. This can be easily fixed if you give one of them another big aspect of their personality- Like, for example, one has a sense of humor and the other might not? Just an example, lol

Hobbies are an important part of somebody's personality- To say 'Too Many' tells me she might be a jack-of-all-trades but I wish you would elaborate on this a little more- What kind of things does she like to do best? Or maybe she goes through phases? It would really flesh out her character dynamic if you listed at least a couple of her hobbies.

One thing to consider tho- A lot of hobbies isn't a likely trait for someone who suffers from depression. Perhaps she could lose interest in her hobbies when she's feeling depressed.

As for talents, does she have any knacks outside of magic and healing? Surely she's good at something outside of those, haha- Like, maybe she's good at sports, or she could be an excellent navigator. There's tons of things to choose from, have fun with it!

Ok, one more thing, haha sorry- Alright, I cannot stress enough how important background is for a character. Background is what shapes the character into who they are. It's fine if SHE doesn't want to talk about it, but her profile should be the place where her background is recorded, regardless of how she feels about her past. A little tip if you don't have a background for her yet: Choose a past story that would shape her into the person she is today- So like, don't give her a sunny-happy backstory unless you want her to be a sunshine-and-rainbows character.

But overall, she's a cool character, and again, she's packed with potential!

@Katastrophic group

Thanks so much! I'll definitely bounce those ideas around, especially her personality outside of her work/study cause that's hopefully where she ends up in my story
seriously though, that's what I think I'm missing and you are awesome for pointing that out

What would she do if she had a truckload of freetime, but I set all her books on fire? (So she couldn't study muAHAHA)

Wow forget my main villain, that's the most evil thing ever. She'd probably cry, tbh.

@Torpion language

@elly_rae93 Hello! Here's Eva!

Wow, tOLL gORL

(lol im a 5'2 hobbit, so everybody seems really tall haha)

Okay, I really can't find much to critique about Eva! She's a very realistic character, and her personality aligns nicely with her background. One thing I would like to know more about is her relationship with her mother- How do they get along, and does the mom affect the plot in any way? I feel like her mother would try to help her daughter with things like her underweight, toxic friend group and reckless behavior, and this might make a poor relationship between the two if Eva brushes her off.

@V01DtheFae group

@Loki_Lyakuya Whew, okay- Here's Jade!

Alright, I feel like she's a cool character with a lot of potentiol, there's just a couple of things to work on, haha

First, when you say her body is 'willowy' could you elaborate on that a little more? I was a teensy bit confused, sorry..

Her personality needs a bit more elaboration- Like, why is she easily depressed? What things especially get her down, and do they have any links to her past? She strikes me as a secretive person, which might be something you could play on if you want.

Also I don't want to sound like a flake, but two characters with near-identical personalities can cause problems for the story, and make them seem flat and uninteresting. This can be easily fixed if you give one of them another big aspect of their personality- Like, for example, one has a sense of humor and the other might not? Just an example, lol

Hobbies are an important part of somebody's personality- To say 'Too Many' tells me she might be a jack-of-all-trades but I wish you would elaborate on this a little more- What kind of things does she like to do best? Or maybe she goes through phases? It would really flesh out her character dynamic if you listed at least a couple of her hobbies.

One thing to consider tho- A lot of hobbies isn't a likely trait for someone who suffers from depression. Perhaps she could lose interest in her hobbies when she's feeling depressed.

As for talents, does she have any knacks outside of magic and healing? Surely she's good at something outside of those, haha- Like, maybe she's good at sports, or she could be an excellent navigator. There's tons of things to choose from, have fun with it!

Ok, one more thing, haha sorry- Alright, I cannot stress enough how important background is for a character. Background is what shapes the character into who they are. It's fine if SHE doesn't want to talk about it, but her profile should be the place where her background is recorded, regardless of how she feels about her past. A little tip if you don't have a background for her yet: Choose a past story that would shape her into the person she is today- So like, don't give her a sunny-happy backstory unless you want her to be a sunshine-and-rainbows character.

But overall, she's a cool character, and again, she's packed with potential!

thank you for helping me with that and well i was at a bit of a writers block with her so thank you for the ideas

@Torpion language

@Sapphire DYSTOPIA IS MY FAVORITE, DUDE

Okay, Silver:

WOW SHE YOUNG :0
So she looks really cool in my head, but she doesn't exactly strike fear into my soul, as you make it sound in the Nature section- and she seems to really dwell on whatever's in the past, probably bc of her schizophrenia- what kind of things distract her from her obsession over whatever happened?

Her motivations seem a little weak- Does she have any goals? Does she want revenge on anybody? Why does she hate everybody?

Also, regarding the Prejudice section: Poor gorl :(

Wow she must cry a lot if her tears affect her scent- What things make her cry so much?

Why is she against the current power system, and what made her feel that way? And why was she kicked out of her house? What did she do to deserve that? Also, does she have any quirks or tics? Any topics she's passionate about?

Alright, those are my only critiques. She's pretty epic, my dude, she just needs a bit more detail.

@Torpion language

Thanks so much! I'll definitely bounce those ideas around, especially her personality outside of her work/study cause that's hopefully where she ends up in my story
seriously though, that's what I think I'm missing and you are awesome for pointing that out

What would she do if she had a truckload of freetime, but I set all her books on fire? (So she couldn't study muAHAHA)

Wow forget my main villain, that's the most evil thing ever. She'd probably cry, tbh.

XDDDD

@Torpion language

@Loki_Lyakuya Whew, okay- Here's Jade!

Alright, I feel like she's a cool character with a lot of potentiol, there's just a couple of things to work on, haha

First, when you say her body is 'willowy' could you elaborate on that a little more? I was a teensy bit confused, sorry..

Her personality needs a bit more elaboration- Like, why is she easily depressed? What things especially get her down, and do they have any links to her past? She strikes me as a secretive person, which might be something you could play on if you want.

Also I don't want to sound like a flake, but two characters with near-identical personalities can cause problems for the story, and make them seem flat and uninteresting. This can be easily fixed if you give one of them another big aspect of their personality- Like, for example, one has a sense of humor and the other might not? Just an example, lol

Hobbies are an important part of somebody's personality- To say 'Too Many' tells me she might be a jack-of-all-trades but I wish you would elaborate on this a little more- What kind of things does she like to do best? Or maybe she goes through phases? It would really flesh out her character dynamic if you listed at least a couple of her hobbies.

One thing to consider tho- A lot of hobbies isn't a likely trait for someone who suffers from depression. Perhaps she could lose interest in her hobbies when she's feeling depressed.

As for talents, does she have any knacks outside of magic and healing? Surely she's good at something outside of those, haha- Like, maybe she's good at sports, or she could be an excellent navigator. There's tons of things to choose from, have fun with it!

Ok, one more thing, haha sorry- Alright, I cannot stress enough how important background is for a character. Background is what shapes the character into who they are. It's fine if SHE doesn't want to talk about it, but her profile should be the place where her background is recorded, regardless of how she feels about her past. A little tip if you don't have a background for her yet: Choose a past story that would shape her into the person she is today- So like, don't give her a sunny-happy backstory unless you want her to be a sunshine-and-rainbows character.

But overall, she's a cool character, and again, she's packed with potential!

thank you for helping me with that and well i was at a bit of a writers block with her so thank you for the ideas

Yw!!

@Torpion language

@Kaloobia Dude it is so hard to find helpful criticism for your characters, they're so dynamic :0
One quick question about her name: How is it pronounced?

And her accent: What kind of accent does she have? When is it most noticeable, like is it more prominent when she's yelling at somebody? Bilinguals tend to get heavier accents when they're stressed and not paying as much attention to pronouncing the words correctly. This is a super tiny detail thats probably not very important, but it could be a fun thing to add :D

Also she strikes me as a tea drinker am I wrong

Ok I just read the favorite food thingy and it says tEA hA I KNEW IT

Is she a perfectionist, btw? She seems kinda like a perfectionist, idk

Okay, when she was a child, why did she have a usual sour look on her face? What made her feel that way? Also, does her backstory have another event that motivates her to combat crime? The story I read in the background category was- ahem, written with a pen of gold- but didn't seem to be so significant as to motivate her to do what she does.

Alright, other than that she's flawless. 11/10.