forum Character Requests (This is closed now but I made another one.
Started by @mintchocolatechip
tune

people_alt 7 followers

@mintchocolatechip

If you want a
-Drawing of a character
-Critique of a character
-Scene written about a character that you can’t write for some reason
-Specific request
I will make one for you! I have a lot of art styles so if you want a specific style let me know. I’m not THAT expreienced with critiques but I’ll try.
I know what it’s like to want to write a scene really bad but it not turning out correctly. I’m here to help! Thanks!
-Meadow

@Leiko

Hi! I would like drawing please?
Scarlett Ors
Red, long, straight hair
jade eyes
black sweatshirt with circle and x through it
black skirt
knee high black socks
black flats
she's white
and she has tiny scars on her left arm

Deleted user

Can you please draw my character in one scene? Specifically, this scene:
"I backed away towards the window, the strong breeze from outside blowing my newly cut hair into my face. Through the blur of black, I saw Henderson picking up his gun. He’s taking his time, I realized. This is my chance.
I turned around, still keeping watch on Henderson from the corner of my eye.
I swung one leg over the windowsill, then the other. “Hey, what are you doing?” Henderson asked, finally having noticed me. “Get back here-”
I closed my eyes and leapt into the starless sky.
I hung in the air for a nanosecond, a white bird against the inky velvet of the night. My thin fingers pushed down the skirt of my hospital gown as it ballooned around me, and my eyes were wide open, staring into the obsidian maw of the universe. The stars and galaxies of my childhood were nowhere to be seen."

My character, Yoona Kim, is Korean, with short dark hair chopped messily slightly above her shoulders (someone hacked it off with a scalpel), large black eyes, pale skin, short, and she is rather petite. As you can see in the paragraphs, she is wearing a white hospital gown that's kind of floating around her as she's jumping, and her hair's also kind of floating back.

Thank you!

@mintchocolatechip

@CopperQueen Here’s the drawing
https://ibb.co/q1JG0Bx
And my opinion on the character:
(I want to apologize in advance if I accidentally refer to them as a her. I’m not trying to be transphobic, but I write almost all girls, and my drawing was more feminine than I would have liked, so I may have accidentally called them a her at one point. Sorry)
Let’s start at the beginning. A positive: I really like how you have an a) chubby b) non-binary and c) aromantic character as the protagonist. This is normally something just added onto a side character for diversity, but you have them as a the protag. I also like how in the looks department it says “no self control when it comes to scratching” because this is a habit that you can carry on throughout the story for continuity.
I’d like a little bit more explanation of the necklace. I realize that it’s their favorite item. I understand that. But, the item is private so I can’t exactly tell why they love it so much. They got it from their (what I assume is the) first kill. So, I can see a bit of an attachment. Here’s my problem:
They won’t take it off until they dies? If it’s absolutely crucial to the story keep it, but if it’s just a little thing, I would change it. Cameron is an assasin, and such a recognizable or distracting item could get in the way. Maybe if she just hated to lose it. Maybe they kept it in their pocket and other times wore it. I’m not sure, it’s your choice. I don’t know much about this universe however, so if it’s important, never mind this.
Next thing. They’re flaw is clumsiness. This isn’t fully described so I’m just going to take this as general clumsiness, and not anything specific. That sounds weird but I promise you there are some specific types of clumsiness that I have come across. Cameron is a clumsy assasin. Assasin. An assasin with clumsiness as a flaw may not be the best combo. I like this as a flaw, but with what Cameron does, this could not be the best trait for an assasin. I do encourage giving flaws to main characters, but think a little about how that would effect your character. Also, this could cause continuation errors. If they are doing some crazy thing, and then go back to being clumsy afterwards, that doesn’t make much sense. It could be due to adrenaline, but that also could make it worse. They even trained in karate. I feel like this could help with their clumsiness. Maybe they overcome this flaw? I’m not sure. Just keep this in line.
Cameron also uses slang in everyday conversation. You have to make sure that your writing doesn’t seem too sloppy because of the language. It’s great to use slang, you just have to be careful.
I like how they actually had a good reason to run away. Stories often have characters run away because a) abuse which is cliche (still a problem. Just overused in writing) or b) no reason, which is unrealistic. Transphobia is a relatively realistic and uncommon reason to run away. Their running away comes from an internal struggle, something not commonly seen.
They also have actual inspiration to run away. The TV show provides them a loose idea of what they want to do, so Cameron succeeding in running away is more likely than if they just ran.
Cameron gets used to crime very easily so it seems. Through your writing, just either make sure she has some doubts or trusts Jark very easily. I’m unclear exactly what you mean by “wooed” but in your story think also about how you would react to the events, and adjust your thoughts to what you know they act like as a character.
That’s what I think about Cameron. Overall great character. Fantastic work!

@CopperQueen

@MEADOW (I apologize for problems that could have been caused by linked things being private, I didn't think about that when posting them.)
First things first, the drawing is beautiful! I understand that it might have turned out a bit feminine, but overall it looks fine and I know the struggle of keeping a neutral look if you have an artstyle that looks like that. I still love it!

About the necklace, "Take off when they're dead" is more of an expression, so keeping it in their pocket at times is always an option.
There is acctually a mention of how they would wear it under missions before and it caused problems so they were forced to keep it close by instead of actually on.
The clumsiness was added when they were new and very undeveloped, so I absolutely see the issue. I will resolve it, propably by mentioning/ showing them training it off/ loosing it. And add some other flaws so they don't turn to a mary sue.

Lastly the slang, yes I will be careful so it does not look bad or weird. Thank you for the drawing and critique, it was really helpful!
And you're a really talented artist by the way!

@Seth

This is my race I've been working on for a sci fi. I was hoping someone could critique it. And maybe give some name ideas. Botanians Don't worry about drawing it as I haven't made a final decision on it's anatomy.

@mintchocolatechip

@Kohaku
On Hitomi (Lilly):
Starting out with a positive, you are amazing at describing characters. It really helped me paint a picture of the character in my mind. When it comes to traits, there is a small thing. You mention that she covers her mouth when she’s mischevious, and that she will punch somebody that tries to jumpscare her. This contradicts her otherwise professional attitude. Granted, she softened up because of her husband. If this would be something that happens more at home then at work or vice versa, because you mention she likes to keep the two aspects of her life separate, then I understand that. Just keep this in mind.
I have a few questions about her background too. Where did she get her knowledge of psychology, or how to be a good detective. Unless these traits have something to do with her just being a Gelf, Okay. But, if she got these from somewhere is there a story behind it? Or was it just normal education?
Besides these things, there really isn’t much to say. I really like this character. Honestly, it seems like a lot of though went into making Lilly. The backstory is well thought out and the species and world is planned nicely. You keep her character the same with most traits staying the same (the above critique being an exception). She is a cool character, and I wish you the best writing with her.
-Meadow

@Kinarymo

Ty for the critique :0
Ye, things are a little confusing there. I would say she's mischevious at home, never at work, but the punching thing is more of a reflex
As for the psychology part, it was just normal education and personal research
Again ty ty o3o i was very unsure about her because i've never written a girl before and i also wanted to portray her in the right way qwq
Thank you o3o
Also, would you mind giving another critique to this smol bean? qwq

Again thank you so much o3o

@mintchocolatechip

@Seth
Let’s begin. You have a lot of missing traits, and your still trying to figure them out as you said. This is just some advice. I’ve come to a conclusion over my time writing. Many people also share this view. When you create a character, most times you have a clear image in your head. Certain things aren’t always obvious. Without anything in your mind, just picture you’re initial idea. Whatever traits it has should be the ones you use, because these are the traits your brain already associates with this race. The ideas you are set on though, are really cool.
You seem to have put a lot of thought into the behavior of the characters. Good job on this, however: This race seems not the most willing to talk/act/ do anything in general with other races. Then, you say that they barter with the other races. This could possibly contradict in the story. So, if you want to keep these traits for the race, give them some sort of stubbornness or difficulty trading.
The idea that the outside tech is being slowly introduced, but not understood is realistic, and makes sense with previous descriptions of the race. I also think that the whole “blood red mark” is a good thought. They seem to be very tough and competitive people, and having some sort of marking just.. fits.
As far as names go:
Somethings to think about are Greek and Latin roots. The Greek roots anth- (relating to flowers) or dendr- (resembling a tree) could help. As well as bell- (war related) or feroc- (fierce), which are Latin roots that could relate to the more competitive side of the people. Examples: Anthoid, resembling a flower; Flos Hominum, flower people; Flos Ferox, which loosely means fierce flowers.
I hope some of this could be of help! This is a great species and I hope it works out.
-Meadow

@Seth

@MEADOW you have given me a lot to contemplate. I believe I should put more emphasis on their competitive nature and a wee bit less on their viciousness. Also, thank you for your suggestions in naming I've been struggling with that for a good while.
Thanks a million.