forum Character critique OPEN :0
Started by @Kinarymo
tune

people_alt 43 followers

@Kinarymo

Yes, i'll try and give constructive criticism on ur characters YwY
Please submit one character at a time (i get lost if i have too many at once qwq)
If you can, please specify where you want me to look - unless u want a full critique :0

@Your_Local_Scrivener

Could you critique Coallen? I'd like feedback and suggestions on whatever you want to do.

Some notes: the things noted 'possible' I'm considering adding in, the background is a mess, I know, so just ask if it's confusing, and I know I didn't give him flaws besides his conditions, so any feedback on that would be most welcome. Thanks!

@Kinarymo

Hi! If you could critique my girl Artimae, that would be great!

Could you specifically look at her Nature tab, please?

No problem o3o
To be honest, she seems really well written and fleshed out to me, although she could use more mannerisms (staring at ppl in public could also pass as a flaw).

@Kinarymo

Could you critique Coallen? I'd like feedback and suggestions on whatever you want to do.

Some notes: the things noted 'possible' I'm considering adding in, the background is a mess, I know, so just ask if it's confusing, and I know I didn't give him flaws besides his conditions, so any feedback on that would be most welcome. Thanks!

First, he is pretty fleshed out, even though his backstory sounds a little confusing at first glance.
He could use more personality traits. Is he naturally calm? How fast does he get angry? There's many sides to a person, work on that o3o
As for flaws, blaming himself for his brother's death could be one, but there's always room for more! Does he bite his nails? Does he use foul language? There's plenty of flaws to choose from o3o
He also doesn't really have any prejudices, but i assume you didn't know what to put in there
His background is indeed a tad bit messy, but it kinda makes sense, even though it's more lengthy and detailed than a usual resume
Is keeping cool a talent? :')))
Over all, he's a really interesting character and pretty well written o3o

@Kinarymo

a full critique please!

It's a good thing u listed the personality thing - just naming the type doesn't rlly help :0
Interesting talent :"))
Mannerisms are more like body language, so the laces thing looks more like a hobby to me - but can pass as a mannerism if she constantly has something to doodle on them with, but still.
AHAHAHA the job is hilarious :'))) - even though it's not exactly a job, more like an occupation or a role :')))
The Backstory is painfully vague qwq - where was she born, what was her early life like? Try expand more on that - there's very little information about her right now. Usually a backstory gives a more defined image of the character, telling you what kind of environment they came from, what their life choices were, stuff like that. The backstory is the story of their life up until the present point
Hope it helped q3q

Deleted user

a full critique please!

It's a good thing u listed the personality thing - just naming the type doesn't rlly help :0
Interesting talent :"))
Mannerisms are more like body language, so the laces thing looks more like a hobby to me - but can pass as a mannerism if she constantly has something to doodle on them with, but still.
AHAHAHA the job is hilarious :'))) - even though it's not exactly a job, more like an occupation or a role :')))
The Backstory is painfully vague qwq - where was she born, what was her early life like? Try expand more on that - there's very little information about her right now. Usually a backstory gives a more defined image of the character, telling you what kind of environment they came from, what their life choices were, stuff like that. The backstory is the story of their life up until the present point
Hope it helped q3q

thanks!

@Kinarymo

Name is Lena. Full critique?

  1. I have no idea what is going on with her hairstyle. Is it wavy and loose? Is it straight? It's pretty confusing.
  2. Energetic and bouncy are not mannerisms, they're personality traits. Mannerisms are usually formed from body language, like, playing with the hands, tapping a foot on the ground - stuff like that.
  3. You wrote her personality on the conditions panel (this one is for medical conditions :0 )
  4. Personality is fine, could use a little more though o3o
  5. What is her backstory? - please do not forget the backstory. It's the character's core, it's backbone
    Hope it helped qwq

@Kinarymo

Cyrus Whitlock Cyrus, Thanks!

Alrighty, let's get this boi o3o

  1. Those are not exactly mannerisms - mannerisms are made of body language. Those you listed are personality traits :0
  2. Ok, his motivations r quite odd but ok. If he is a peace lover, then wouldn't it make more sense to try and avoid war at all? Or he's the kind of guy that likes to fight, hoping it might settle things? - this one is kinda weird.
  3. Pretty good personality, but could a little more o3o
  4. So he's some type of atheist then?
  5. He's colorblind, yet has a favorite color - if he wasn't born colorblind, then yes.
  6. The phrasing in the Favorite Weapon is a little odd, but ok.
  7. The background is awfully thin. More info!! What was his early life like? What did he go through to get where he is now? Expand on his story - it's what makes him who he is.
  8. Dat is a very cute boi o3o
  9. The scar on his left eye is more of an identifying mark. If he has 2 scars, one on the face and one on the shoulder, it would make more sense if the one on the face is an identifying mark, given it's literally on his face. The one on the shoulder wouldn't be visible unless he took off his clothes :0
    Hope i helped YwY

@Your_Local_Scrivener

Could you critique Coallen? I'd like feedback and suggestions on whatever you want to do.

Some notes: the things noted 'possible' I'm considering adding in, the background is a mess, I know, so just ask if it's confusing, and I know I didn't give him flaws besides his conditions, so any feedback on that would be most welcome. Thanks!

First, he is pretty fleshed out, even though his backstory sounds a little confusing at first glance.
He could use more personality traits. Is he naturally calm? How fast does he get angry? There's many sides to a person, work on that o3o
As for flaws, blaming himself for his brother's death could be one, but there's always room for more! Does he bite his nails? Does he use foul language? There's plenty of flaws to choose from o3o
He also doesn't really have any prejudices, but i assume you didn't know what to put in there
His background is indeed a tad bit messy, but it kinda makes sense, even though it's more lengthy and detailed than a usual resume
Is keeping cool a talent? :')))
Over all, he's a really interesting character and pretty well written o3o

Thanks for the feedback! I've been slaving over him for a while, it's good to know it's paying off and I can still expand!

@GraceAnn:)

Cyrus Whitlock Cyrus, Thanks!

Alrighty, let's get this boi o3o

  1. Those are not exactly mannerisms - mannerisms are made of body language. Those you listed are personality traits :0
  2. Ok, his motivations r quite odd but ok. If he is a peace lover, then wouldn't it make more sense to try and avoid war at all? Or he's the kind of guy that likes to fight, hoping it might settle things? - this one is kinda weird.
  3. Pretty good personality, but could a little more o3o
  4. So he's some type of atheist then?
  5. He's colorblind, yet has a favorite color - if he wasn't born colorblind, then yes.
  6. The phrasing in the Favorite Weapon is a little odd, but ok.
  7. The background is awfully thin. More info!! What was his early life like? What did he go through to get where he is now? Expand on his story - it's what makes him who he is.
  8. Dat is a very cute boi o3o
  9. The scar on his left eye is more of an identifying mark. If he has 2 scars, one on the face and one on the shoulder, it would make more sense if the one on the face is an identifying mark, given it's literally on his face. The one on the shoulder wouldn't be visible unless he took off his clothes :0
    Hope i helped YwY

Normally I wouldn't respond I just wanted to say that he's not color blind in of way of seeing no color he's color blind in a way of he can't see one certain color :)

@Kinarymo

Full critique please. Thought or adjustments?

  1. Again, those you listed are not mannerisms YwY - mannerisms mean body language not personality traits YwY
  2. How is climbing a talent? qwq
  3. Where did her personality go? ;w;
  4. Uuuh, her backstory is quite short and not so detailed >.> Maybe try and expand more on this? Give it more detail? :'))) Like early life, anything that influenced her throughout her life?
  5. So you put her personality in "Notes" huh?
    Other than this she seems pretty fine to me, really interesting :0
    Hope i helped YwY