I have guests coming over later today and I, being a social recluse, will be spending most my time in my room hiding from the guests. So, to busy myself, I've decided to critique your characters. I've never made a thread dedicated to critiquing characters before so we'll see how this goes. For the time being, feel free to put in multiple characters.
(Would you mind doing one of my underdeveloped characters?)
(Of course!)
Would you mind taking a look at Savanna?
(could you also critique one of my characters? )
(@Divine-Irish-Potato sure, just give me their link)
Invalid Character here you go
If you've got time, I'd love it if you'd critique Adeline! Adeline Davies
(Once you have time if you could look at Kade that'd be great!)
Could you check out Dakota? :)
@RainyDayArtist
Looks: This section is also pretty good. I like that you added pictures and that you have a facial feature section. It makes it a lot easier to visualize. One thing is the picture references aren't working. The only actual critique in this section is maybe you should explain how she got her tattoos.
Nature: I noticed she doesn't have a personality section. Based on your other descriptions, I could kind of tell what personality she has but I think you should add a specific section where you could talk about her positive traits as well, not only her flaws. Asides from that, I'd say maybe explain her hobbies and talents. What form of art does she do? What does she enjoy about it? Why does she know how to ax throw and fence? Also, you mentioned that she is an undercover agent but you also say that she tries to get attention. Wouldn't an undercover agent want to keep a low profile? Why does she want to bring attention to herself instead?
Social: You say she doesn't like to pin herself down to one religion but she surely has some base beliefs. Maybe you could explain her religious views or why she doesn't care to have any. You also say she doesn't have a need to pay attention to politics but since she is working with the government and FBI, wouldn't she need to? She also doesn't have a favorite food and you didn't explain her favorite weapon either. I think if she doesn't have a specific favorite food, she could have a favorite type of food, like salty, sweet, spicy, etc. Same goes for weapons, if she can't choose one specific one, she can have a favorite type of weapons she likes to work with like knives, guns, etc.
History: Her history is quite bare. What do you mean she has the highest education? Has she graduated from a prestigious university or does she just go to a prestigious school? Also, she's 17 so how has she achieved this superior education at a young age? In her background, where did she grow up? How was her childhood? How did she do in school? Why is she and her family working with the FBI? What are they working on? What's it for?
Family: You said she has a thing for exotic animals. What kind? Has she had any pets in the past?
Asides from adding a personality section and giving a bit more detail, I think she's pretty well written. (Also I really love her design and looks!!)
(Oh awesome, thank you! I'll definitely work on some of that!)
@Divine-Irish-Potato
Overview: You said she is as old as her universe but how old does she appear to be? Also, you should explain what a Horsewoman of the Apocalypse is because I was a bit confused as to what exactly she is. Does she appear to be human or does she have non-human like features?
Looks: She is 140 lbs and 6 feet tall, which I think is quite thin. I looked it up and the bmi is just above the underweight mark so it's not a big issue and I think it's fine if it's part of her design but if she isn't meant to be that skinny then you should change it. Another thing, her hair is long but how long? Is it down to her waist or does it stop halfway down her back? You should give a little more detail. How does she style it? Does she put it up? Leave it down? I like that you added a facial structure section but I suggest you talk about her face shape, how her nose is shaped, what her features are like, etc. Last thing, how is her skin bouncy? I don't know maybe it's just me, but I had trouble visualizing bouncy skin.
Social: This section is pretty good. I would only add more detail to things such as her skill class and job. What is a skill class? Why are hers melee and magic? What does she do as a soul reaper? Does she like it? Also, you say she has a good moral compass so explain what morals she believes in and what she values.
Nature: I think you should give her more mannerisms and flaws. While you did have some flaws, I think you should add more. What does she do when she’s nervous? Does she bite her nails? Tap her foot? How about when she’s excited? Explain that sort of stuff. Also, flaws are a huge part of a character. You should give her more than two flaws. I’d say a good amount is about 5+. You could put her distances or her coldness in that section and explain them. The last thing for this section is just to expand on her personality. What makes her an INTJ? Why does she keep to herself? That kind of stuff.
Associations: You said she was created at the beginning of time but I saw that she has a parent. How is that possible? How was her parents created? Maybe you can explain that in her history section.
I hope this was helpful. She seems like an interesting character and I’d like to know more about her.
@Divine-Irish-Potato
Overview: You said she is as old as her universe but how old does she appear to be? Also, you should explain what a Horsewoman of the Apocalypse is because I was a bit confused as to what exactly she is. Does she appear to be human or does she have non-human like features?
Looks: She is 140 lbs and 6 feet tall, which I think is quite thin. I looked it up and the bmi is just above the underweight mark so it's not a big issue and I think it's fine if it's part of her design but if she isn't meant to be that skinny then you should change it. Another thing, her hair is long but how long? Is it down to her waist or does it stop halfway down her back? You should give a little more detail. How does she style it? Does she put it up? Leave it down? I like that you added a facial structure section but I suggest you talk about her face shape, how her nose is shaped, what her features are like, etc. Last thing, how is her skin bouncy? I don't know maybe it's just me, but I had trouble visualizing bouncy skin.
Social: This section is pretty good. I would only add more detail to things such as her skill class and job. What is a skill class? Why are hers melee and magic? What does she do as a soul reaper? Does she like it? Also, you say she has a good moral compass so explain what morals she believes in and what she values.
Nature: I think you should give her more mannerisms and flaws. While you did have some flaws, I think you should add more. What does she do when she’s nervous? Does she bite her nails? Tap her foot? How about when she’s excited? Explain that sort of stuff. Also, flaws are a huge part of a character. You should give her more than two flaws. I’d say a good amount is about 5+. You could put her distances or her coldness in that section and explain them. The last thing for this section is just to expand on her personality. What makes her an INTJ? Why does she keep to herself? That kind of stuff.
Associations: You said she was created at the beginning of time but I saw that she has a parent. How is that possible? How was her parents created? Maybe you can explain that in her history section.I hope this was helpful. She seems like an interesting character and I’d like to know more about her.
I didnt write that she had parents, however i did wrote that she is a parent, maybe you read that wrong? Other than that, very helpful, I will get to work on it!
In her associations it said that she was the child of Vozreal, idk
Damen ap Aeschylus (I hope this is the right link) I can critique my boi?
Sure but the link isn't public
@black-hole-sun
Looks: First, she seems really thin for her height and age so you should consider increasing it a bit more so it’s healthier. For her skin tone, light is too vague. Does it have a red tint to it? Is it ghostly pale? Add details like that. Same with the body type. Does she have muscle, fat?
Nature: For her mannerisms, I recommend adding more than one. Maybe around 5. Talk about how she presents herself. Does she sit up straight or does she slouch? What does she do when she’s mad, nervous, excited, sad? Also, I didn’t really understand what tapping toes is. Idk maybe I’m just dumb. Moving on to her motivations, explain why she wants order and fairness. Why do they motivate her? Her flaws are pretty good but explain them with more detail. For her personality, your description is a bit vague. I think you should explain how she’s adventurous. What “dirty” things does she do? Give her a bit more personality traits as well and explain them.
Social: The only thing for this section is to explain her job a bit more and what she does as a baroness. Also give reasons for why her favorites are her favorites. Why does she really like dark blue? Tea? Bacon?
History: Her history is quite bare. I liked that you gave her an exact birthday. For her education, why did she have a governess? Why was her education slighted since she was a girl? For her background, you should write about her childhood, her relationship with her dad, events in her life, etc.
Overall, I like her concept but I think she needs to be fleshed out a bit more.
Thank you! You gave some really good feedback and I'll try to work on her.
@CrackpipeDreamer
Overview: Why does he refuse to admit that he’s bisexual?
Nature: Everything here looks good but I would explain the Schizophrenia part more. How does it affect him? Is he being treated for it?
History: His background is pretty good but I have some questions. You said that he works at a park but in his background, it seems like he’s lost. Is he homeless? How is he working at the park if he is lost? I think you should add to the background so it leads up to his current situation.
Sorry it’s so short but he's very well written and I don’t really have any major critiques.
Thank you! You gave some really good feedback and I'll try to work on her.
(Oh awesome , thank you! I'll definitely work on some of that!)
Your welcome!
@CrackpipeDreamer
Overview: Why does he refuse to admit that he’s bisexual?
Nature: Everything here looks good but I would explain the Schizophrenia part more. How does it affect him? Is he being treated for it?
History: His background is pretty good but I have some questions. You said that he works at a park but in his background, it seems like he’s lost. Is he homeless? How is he working at the park if he is lost? I think you should add to the background so it leads up to his current situation.Sorry it’s so short but he's very well written and I don’t really have any major critiques.
Thanks. The refusal to admit it is kinda touched on in the prejudices section, though I could make it a bit clearer. Umm, as for the history… I guess I didn't explain that he got a house after moving out? He's not homeless, and he got lost one day during work as stated in the background. Perhaps I didn't make that clear? I'll see what I can do to fix it.
Thanks though! I'll keep this in mind when updating him.
(whoops i think i skipped over the prejudice section. also ur welcome)
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/890609- Ron "The Black Wolf" Alden
Sure but the link isn't public
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/926350# oops my bad, here ya go! I hope i did the settings right this time