forum Thoughts? Comments? Critique my character
Started by @Im-just-here-idk-what-life-means group
tune

people_alt 59 followers

@ZAVEN local_movies

Overview

The simplest part of the character form of course, not much to say here.

  • Just a question (not really a problem), what's the story behind his name? Like how did you come up with it?

Looks

Another simple category, but I feel like you could describe RinRin better to help your audience gain a better mental image of him.

  • Weight: "Yes"? What is that supposed to mean?
  • Hair style: Maybe you could elaborate a little more on his hair style
  • Eye color: What kind of blue? You specified that his hair was a golden blond, but the eye color got no such elaboration.
  • Skin tone: Is he literally white? Or are you trying to say that he's pale, you may want to elaborate on this further. (Fair skin, sandy color, peachy tones, etc.)

Nature

Nature is often what makes or breaks a character. Do they feel real? Are they static or dynamic? Etc. I feel like there is a lot left to be desired in this section. It was not very thought out at all, as I see it.

  • Mannerisms: "He's polite" Parting from the fact that that is a personality trait more than it is a mannerism, that's it? Mannerisms are stuff like: They bite their nails when nervous, they tap their feet when excited, they walk in a slouch, etc., etc. Mannerisms are meant to make your character feel more dimensional and for them to do things that we can use to associate with emotions. For example, using the nail-biting thing, if that fact were to be planted in your story, and then your character bites their nails later in the story, the reader can infer that they are nervous. It's like getting to know your character. Moving on.
  • Motivations: "Live life", huh? Fair enough, but anything outside of that? For example, to expand on this, is there anything that puts his life in danger? And if so, what can he do to prevent it? Working towards that can be one if his motivations.
  • Flaws: Try breaking the flaws up into major and minor flaws. Having a "dark side" is a very shallow and vague flaw, most characters can have a "dark side", knowing what that dark side is is what makes the character. It's like calling someone a Yogurt Master, the title in itself means nothing, what the title entails is what makes it important. Please expand on your character's flaws, it can really help you make your character more compelling. And give him a decent amount of flaws, or else he'll be a Gary Stu
  • Hobbies: Does he really do nothing in his free time outside of talking to his cat?
  • Personality: Again with the dark side point. Expand on it. Also, maybe expand on "kind and friendly" as well. Give examples as to what makes him so, you can even go as far as to detail how he is perceived by other people (Is he dependable? Is he annoying? This can spark some contrast or corroboration between his view of himself and how he comes off).

Social:

  • Why are all the linked pages him?
  • Politics: "Gross" ? Is that how he feels about it? If so, why does he feel that way about it and doesn't that go against the fact that you claimed he has no prejudices.
  • Favorite possession: Maybe pick something that isn't his cat, since you have that also in his favorite animal section.

History

  • Education: "Graduated" Great! Did he graduate early? What did he graduate from (High school? etc.)? You don't necessarily have to expand on this in the page, but I think it may help to consider these things to shape his character better.
  • Background: Please don't leave his parents being dead to be his only background I beg of you. That can be a great point to build his character off of, but "parents are dead" could be so many characters' backstory.

Extra

  • The Appearance and Personality categories you created are redundant. They could easily be lumped in with Looks and Nature respectively.
  • You keep saying he's loyal to his friends over and over, same with the "dark side" thing.

Final thoughts: He doesn't feel very fleshed out at all, the character form felt redundant and generally underdeveloped. Take your time reading this feedback, since I know it is a lot.

@ZAVEN local_movies

It's gotten a lot better! But it should do you well to know that there is no Zi sound in Japanese lol. Anyway, yes it's gotten better, I hope you may find time to flesh out this character more in the future, if ever you feel like it.