Hel excitedly starts lightly stroking their armor. She grasps at the shoulder armor and starts making ‘pew pew’ sounds as she pinches the edges gently.
Keziah sighs that this is the apex of sublimity in her realm and calls to her. “Hel, please refrain from touching the angels. They are here to do their job.”
Hel waves her hand dismissively at Keziah and continues poking and pinching them curiously.
“Not gonna lie… they’re kinda hot.”
Keziah sputters an otherworldly sound and has to bend herself over as to not reveal the face she just made. She looks up with pure shock painting her features.
“HEL! That is incredibly inconsiderate towards your spouses! They would not appreciate you… admiring another being in that manner!”
Hel snorts and cackles and doubles over. “That’s how we got together man! We all were just kinda ‘oh I like you but I also like them and I dunno what to do!’ And I just said ‘meh! Let’s just date! All three of us together! Why not!’ And centuries into death, we are still together! Modern love story at its finest. Plus, we got a witch, a dragon, and a nerd, so an angel could really tie our theme together.”
Keziah squints her eyes crinkles her mouth. “What THEME??”
Hel doesn’t acknowledge her as she looks over at Azgoroth. “Hey are they single?”
“I don’t believe they are fully sentient” replies Azgoroth “they could potentially be but that would require the entire brain of an archangel. And that isn’t something I actually have”.
(OOC: THE WIFI'S BACK ON MY LAPTOP! I GOTTA TYPE SOMETHING BEFORE IT GOES OUT AGAIN!)
Hel hums and nods at his words while she observes the angels up and down. "Bummer. I was hoping they could at least talk a little."
Keziah rubs her face roughly and groans a little. "Hel, if you are done ogling at your new fascination, we need to discuss something important."
Hel rolls her eyes. "Can you blame me for having a type? I know yours is apparently farmers with a penchant for talking to birds."
Keziah does not react. She simply closes her eyes and nothing more. She does not even breathe. Hel flinches and approaches in concern. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I know you two are close. I didn't want to be mocking or rude, I-" WHAP.
Hel earns herself a smack to the back of her head. She doubles over in pain clutching her skull and whining.
"OWWW! I'M SORRY OKAY!?"
"Do not mention him again and all is forgiven."
"Fine! Geez…" She rubs her head with discomfort. Keziah has quite the right hook. "Now, what did you- oh wait! Give me a sec!" Keziah groans and waves her hands as Hel runs up to Azgoroth and claps her hands together with a cheeky grin on her face. "Now… don't take this the wrong way, but I'm just a liiiiitle curious considering your, y'know, situation." She puts an elbow on his shoulder (if he's taller than her, she's floating) and asks with a cheesy, lame smile on her face. "You got yourself a cuddle buddy? Eh? Eh???" She nudges him slightly and Keziah puts her face in her hands again. The progenitor of innovation. Creator of the Guardians. The Great Witch herself. A total dork, and a nosy bastard.
Azgoroth raises his eyebrow “No. I do not have a cuddle buddy. I have a wife of sorts, but she and I have been separated for a while. Kuu is extremely patient so I’m sure she’ll be fine.. I hope”. For the first tome Azgoroth looked genuinely worried “I’ll be honest part of the reason I’m here was ingredient gathering, my damned brother Cer’Sherad ‘accidentally’ locked her in a pocket dimension. I’ve been gathering the needed components for a forced entry into said dimension. It requires a few more exotic artifacts not found in my home realm so I was forced to go on an excursion, a pillar of Stonehenge is the last one on the list. I just happened to detour to here because I smelled agony. And before you ask no I do not have children”.
Hel sniffles pitifully at his tale and wipes a straggling tear from her eye. “Ohhhh, I would have never taken you as the marriage type! That’s sounds terrible to be separated from your beloved! I’m so sorry your brothers an ass. Siblings amiright? But seriously, I hope you and your Kuu will reunite soon. She sounds very important to you.” She gives a genuine, warm smile before crossing her arms and snickering. “And I wanna wasn’t gonna ask about kids. Obviously, you guys aren’t ‘compatible.’” She pauses. “I mean, that’s if isn’t she’s also a snake person. Well then again, you are kinda dead, so it’s a no brainer.” She pauses again. “Then again, there is the possibility that you’re undead up top, but maybe down below, you got some-“ THWACK! Yet another strike is applied to the back of her head as Keziah delivers yet another devastating blow to Hel. She clutches at her skull pathetically and whines. “Okay… no more…. I was just trying to be funny….”
Keziah breathes in impatiently. “Please do not be so invasive about other people’s personal aspects. That is none of your business. How you are so powerful yet impulsive is a mystery.”
Hel shrugs as she continues to nurse her injury. “Ah y’know…. I actually don’t know. But uh, sorry Az, haha.” She shrugs again and laughs.
Keziah attempts to address her once more. “Now Hel, we need to talk about-“ Before She could finish, Hel looks over at Vozreal and waves at him. She feels bad that he got quiet all of a sudden. “Heyo! Vozzy Lad! You got a sideways tango partner or are you riding solo?”
Keziah slaps her forehead at Hel’s words and groans. This witch. Was the Prime Negotiator and Ambassador between the Necrotzen and the Kleiname. How????”
"I'm not the one for sex, but I had a fiancee… I left her when I found out she was pregnant. But for now, I'm single."
Hels eyes flung wide open. “You left her when she was pregnant!? With your child!? Why?” Hel is shocked that someone could do something like that, but she figures maybe there’s a good reason for it. Although Keziah was intrigued by Vozreal’s decision, she tries to focus on her talk with Hel.
“Hel, I need to speak with you about-“
“Wait, Kez, let him finish.”
Keziah groans but stays patient nonetheless.
Hel looks at Vozreal with curiosity and concern. “Was there relationship problems? Or were neither of you ready to have a child yet?”
"I wasn't really to have a child yet. she was all for it, but… I got scared. I was a naive demon and didn't know humans could do that…"
“Oh… I see. Is the child… okay? And your fiancé, is she okay?”
Hel hopes she isn’t being too nosy. There’s some things people shouldn’t ask. She can’t help it most of the time, but will stop if she’s asked.
"The fiance died from old age. The child, having the curse of immortality, is alive."
“That’s soooo saaaaad!” Hel drags her hands down her cheeks and whines about such an unfortunate situation. She suddenly points to Azgoroth. “Azzy! Quick! I wanna hear how you met your wife! Please let it be a happy story because my heart can’t take more pain!” Keziah pinches her eyes together and groans again. Her patience is dwindling.
"I'll make it fast" Sighs Azgoroth "Kuu was once an angelic. However, we ran into each other at some point and she sacrificed her holy flame for me". He laughed "I'll be honest I was busy researching ways to ward myself against holy flame I could actually touch her, and she showed up in my library, we were together for a few millennia before Cer'Sherad had his accident. Hopefully I can see her again soon. and Hel, Keziah looks on the brink of murder so. You may want to divert your attention"
Keziah breathes in indignantly and lifts her hands up. “Honestly? I’m about to bring up something that will sour the mood considerably. So I’ll allow her this little moment of talking about cherished persons and then we can talk.” Hel looks back a little nervous.
“Wait what? What do you want to talk about?”
Keziah waves her hand dismissively.
“No no. Have a little joy for now. It won’t last.”
“Kez, you’re making me worried, what are you-“
“Hel.” The lines on her face seize sporadically and makes an odd effect on her eyes. She speaks through gritted teeth. “I swear on my sixth eye, just get it out of your system and then we can discuss more imperative issues.”
Hel shrinks back anxiously and puts her hands up defensively. “Okay. Gotcha. Understood. Affirmative.”
She turns back slightly chewing on her tongue. She looks up at Azgoroth and resumes her cheeky grin. “Sooooo…. is that you can’t or you won’t?”
Keziah tilts her head at her question. “You should specify what you mean. He won’t understand what-“
“Baby making.”
“Oh mY FU-“ Keziah slaps her face into her hands and bites her tongue.
Azgoroth leans backwards and then makes a small choking noise "HEM. ACHK, ah. Well, I CAN switch forms, so technically we could have intercourse, but the subject never came up, and I'm not even sure what would happen should we attempt to have a child, usually when a god has one based on power they have either a demigod or a lower god. I am an elder god, I don't know what would happen should I have intercourse with Kuu".
"Wait… you haven't even fucked your own wife??" Vozreal asked, confused as fuck
"No" Says Azgoroth "Perhaps we will discuss it at some point down the road, once we finish up here and I retrieve the last ingredient. Intercourse is not necessary for a happy relationship you know. I'm sure it helps some but I never felt the need for it, perhaps Kuu did but I assumed she didn't, quite the conundrum… hmmm".
“Aw, don’t think too hard about it Azzy! Me and my boys didn’t get intimate until we were all okay with it. It’s actually kinda funny! Me and Cherry thought we couldn’t bear children because we were two completely different species. And then one day, I was pregnant! It was weird! Like, really, really, weird. Cause, um, he’s a dragon like creature and, they… they lay eggs and… I….I thought…. well he thought…. we….” she falters. She suddenly feels a squirming feeling in the pit of her stomach and feels her fur lift off her face slowly. She claps her hands and laughs. “Wow! That never happens! I just got really embarrassed! I think I’m gonna stop now. Haha!” She was a wide and sheepish grin on her face and giggles to herself. Even Keziah has to hide her face away from the others.
"You know…" He said to Hel.
"Your husbands are lucky to have you." He said. He may or may not have developed some feelings
(OOC: Oh daaaaaaamn. Would it be a downer if I said that Hel already son-zoned him?)
“Aw, thanks Voz! I know I’m lucky to have them too. Lemon gets soooo ruffled so much whenever I talk or do something silly. But I know that’s cause he’s worried about me. He’s such a little sweetheart! And my Cherry, good word! His heart is warmer than any ray from the sun and his voice makes birds cry in shame!” Her eyes close as her smile only gets wider as she talks about her beloveds. “Aha! I always feel so happy when I think about them!” She opens her eyes and there is a soft, fond light shimmering in her pupils as she looks at the ground.
“My Lemon is such a sourpuss! So, our kind is mostly colored black cause something about “genetic pigmentation” or whatever, but he’s colored yellow! Like a lemon! He looks silly with it, but he was one of the most gifted and professional alchemists in our convent! He had practiced it at its most advanced levels for decades! At first he couldn’t stand me. He was all like” Hel straightened her back with her hands behind her waist and pursed her lips to mimic arrogance. “‘To think that a witch of great renown would trouble herself with such trivial nonsense!’ What a riot!” She laughs boisterously and slaps her knees. “But since he was so dang good at his job, he was the target for a lot AND I MEAN A LOT of kidnappings and assassinations. I had to bail him out every time. Those days were fun. We made a game out of it and he was actually starting respect me. Then appreciate me. Theeeeen admire me. And it just got more fluffy as time went on. He’s such a little dork.” She snorts into her hand. “And he haaaates it when I call him Lemon in front of the others. He’s so sensitive about it! I let him call me Grape aaaall the time, but the second I say Lemon, Lemz, Lemmy, Lemony Snicket, or Sir Lemon Face, he gets so embarrassed!” She holds her stomach while she laughs and her face stings from how hard she’s smiling. Even Keziah chuckles lightly at her little tale.
(Fuck… maybe we could do like a relationship between them? not like mother son, but as lovers??)
"I… wish I was your husbands…" He confessed
Hel freezes so viscerally she legitimately turns to stone. Keziah turns away and stays silent with her hands covering her mouth. Hel comes back to flesh and blood and out right wheezes at Vozreal’s confession. After regaining her breath she puts a hand on his shoulder.
“Voz. Vozzy Boy. Voz Dog. Vaudeville. I need you to understand somethings about myself that can’t be contextualized to it’s full extent. I’ll just give you a watered down version of it.” She clears her throat. “One. I’m dead. Two. I’m super dead. Three. I’m no longer alive. This form is here for plot purposes. I’m, for all intents and purposes, a corpse. And four, I need to check in with Lemz and Cherry to see if they would be okay with another member. The problem is, we all died. So applications are kinda closed until further notice.” She let’s go of his shoulder and gives him a sympathetic smile. “Sorry kid. I just can’t reciprocate your feelings. I’m sorry.”
"Oh…" He said, leaving.
"And you broke my father's heart…" Britney said.
"Great job, ass." She said, not really liking this Hel now
"I am surprised" Says Azgoroth looking up "I did not think things would develop in this manner".
Hel stares at Britney in shock. “When did you get here?? It’s been like an hour! Forget it, that doesn’t matter, Voz, come on man. I can’t rewire my heart to like you! I haven’t developed those kinds of feelings since I died. Maybe Hex cursed me in my undeath or something, but I just can’t bring myself to look at you that way!” She looks at Britney. “You wouldn’t understand, kid. Feelings aren’t developed on a whim. And when they are, you can’t expect someone to fall for you. Especially since my situation is… unique…. Kez, help me out.”
Keziah, who aimed to exclude herself from the conversation, sputters in shock. “Me!?”
“Yeah, you! You dealt with stuff like this all the time!”
Keziah’s fur fluffs up and her eyes widen while her mouth goes stiff. “Hel. I had never been through anything like this.”
Hel looks at her confused. “Yeah you have. You’ve told me. All those times you just kinda bounced from person to person and had to let them down easy or hard and-“ THUDONK. Keziah slams a fist on top of Hel’s head. Hel goes stiff with a pained look on her face and falls backwards, toppling on the floor. Keziah looks thoroughly humiliated and breathes in to calm herself. She turns to Britney with a majority of her composure regained.
“Loves effects on a persons mind varies, but it’s generally understood that it makes them behave more erratic or spontaneous. Not only that, an initial reaction to love may fade over time as it is a great appreciation or admiration for a person that claims the heart rather than true love. Furthermore, being courteous and polite are not declarations of affection and you should not expect to receive love in return. And his sudden declaration while Hel was talking about her dead husbands….” Her voice became low and reverbated slightly. “…was completely uncalled for. She was reminiscing about people she loves so much. She feels guilty about what she did to them. She got all of them killed. She feels she killed them. But they still love her. You can not replicate that bond between them.”
