@your_resident_idiot_fox
Here's a short story I wrote about the death of one of my characters. This is a Warrior Cats story! Please give me some brutally honest feedback and criticism on it, as I'm very much looking to improve my writing- by a lot XD
Honeyblaze's Damnation
The air was warm and clear, a light breeze rustling the emerald leaves above the head of a tawny she-cat, who had just arrived upon the scene without memory of traveling. She looked around, awed by the complete serenity that filled the scene around her, her eyes wide with amazement. Eyes? She realized now that the darkness on her right side had been lifted, and her eye that had been taken from her in life was restored. She let out a sigh of relief- she was in StarClan, and she had been forgiven for her sins. Everything was at peace.
“No, Honeyblaze. You are not to stay here for long.”
A small, starry figure stood at the edge of the clearing, her pale, mottled fur still thick with kit fluff. She padded forward with sorrow in her pale blue eyes, and Honeyblaze ran to her.
“Featherkit! I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry… I should never have hurt you, my baby, my sweet kit,” she wailed, rushing to bury her nose in her daughter’s fur. A large, pale ginger shape flew from the bushes, knocking her away from Featherkit, and her eyes went wide as she recognized the tom now standing protectively over the kit, his eyes fierce and full of hatred.
“You have lost your privilege to make up for past opportunities, Honeyblaze. Your judgement day is now, and StarClan rules that you are never to be welcome on our hunting grounds for as long as you are remembered,” he hissed, taking a step towards her with his teeth bared.
“Please, no- You can’t do this to me, Flashwing! I… I’m your daughter! Please, have mercy- I’ve paid enough for my sins. I only want rest now,” Honeyblaze begged, tears beginning to run tracks through the fur on her cheek. Her father merely shook his head, and Featherkit stared coldly past her as though she were invisible. To her horror, the familiar blindness on her right side slowly returned, and the tears from her right eye turned to blood as she felt the searing pain of her hollow eye socket all over again. She howled in agony, writhing on the ground as it faded from luscious green grass to hard, blood-stained dirt. The StarClan cats faded from view with one last cold glare, and dark trees loomed over her head as she screamed for only the shadows to hear. Dark, menacing shapes wove around her, just out of sight, sneering and watching as she got what she deserved with unbridled glee. At last, her voice wore thin and she fell silent, her breathing labored and raspy. A dark figure loomed above her, gleaming bloodshot eyes piercing the darkness as he spoke.
“Welcome home, Honeyblaze. We’ve been waiting.”
