I'm writing this story and it feels to me that it feels flat, almost as though the characters have no personality or dept. I need help making them feel more alive. (Here's what I have: https://docs.google.com/document/d/19Zhk16Cpl00D13C-4wKCfd4hmUfnl2gqOwm6vGra1ac/edit?usp=sharing Tell me if you disagree.) I have a couple of other, more disconnected scenes. If you want to read them, let me know.
Something I noticed right off the bat is how many ideas and characters you introduced within the first two pages. I had a hard time keeping track of who's who when the story wasn't giving me any time to cement these characters in my head. We jump from Tina to a whole other character named Alex out of the blue while trying to understand the relationship between them and the protag's family and the conflict within the protag's family all at the same time. The Queen of Fairies sounds like an important title, but she hardly does anything impressive. When Samantha first started speaking in Chapter 2, I had to go back in the text because I had no clue who she was and what she was doing there, and going back still didn't provide an explanation. There is too much information being loaded on to the reader at once.
This connects to your issue of flat characters. Despite the gravity of the situation happening within the first few pages, I don't have any reason to care about these characters because I know nothing about them or their world. There needs to be some time to introduce at least some these characters and do some world building before this confrontation happens. For example, if the story started before the protag's father shows up, that would give some much needed space to introduce the protag. What does she enjoy? What is she good at, or bad at? Is she popular among her peers? Most importantly, what is her relationship with her mother, and how does she feel toward her dad? At the same time, what is Ally like? How did she handle becoming a single mom? How does she feel toward her husband who bailed on her? Even their feelings toward certain subjects can tell a ton about them. Then, the father's sudden arrival can organically add another element to the story as well as give an opportunity to introduce him.
On a side note, it was also a difficult for me to keep track of who is speaking in your dialogue. Putting in some action before what the character says might help with this. A random example of what I mean:
Jacob banged his fist against the vending machine. "Get out, you stupid candy bar!"
I couldn't help feeling embarrassed by all the people watching us. "Can you please stop? What did that vending machine ever do to you?"
"It robbed me of my last dollar," he fumed.
Something I noticed right off the bat is how many ideas and characters you introduced within the first two pages. I had a hard time keeping track of who's who when the story wasn't giving me any time to cement these characters in my head. We jump from Tina to a whole other character named Alex out of the blue while trying to understand the relationship between them and the protag's family and the conflict within the protag's family all at the same time. The Queen of Fairies sounds like an important title, but she hardly does anything impressive. When Samantha first started speaking in Chapter 2, I had to go back in the text because I had no clue who she was and what she was doing there, and going back still didn't provide an explanation. There is too much information being loaded on to the reader at once.
This connects to your issue of flat characters. Despite the gravity of the situation happening within the first few pages, I don't have any reason to care about these characters because I know nothing about them or their world. There needs to be some time to introduce at least some these characters and do some world building before this confrontation happens. For example, if the story started before the protag's father shows up, that would give some much needed space to introduce the protag. What does she enjoy? What is she good at, or bad at? Is she popular among her peers? Most importantly, what is her relationship with her mother, and how does she feel toward her dad? At the same time, what is Ally like? How did she handle becoming a single mom? How does she feel toward her husband who bailed on her? Even their feelings toward certain subjects can tell a ton about them. Then, the father's sudden arrival can organically add another element to the story as well as give an opportunity to introduce him.
On a side note, it was also a difficult for me to keep track of who is speaking in your dialogue. Putting in some action before what the character says might help with this. A random example of what I mean:
Jacob banged his fist against the vending machine. "Get out, you stupid candy bar!"
I couldn't help feeling embarrassed by all the people watching us. "Can you please stop? What did that vending machine ever do to you?"
"It robbed me of my last dollar," he fumed.
So, what I got from this is:
I understand what mean with questions and I think they are important questions to answer. However, I think I have a personal problem with how to reach the answers. At least in terms of what does she enjoy, what is she good/bad at. The others I may be able to answer. I think I have a problem coming up with details like that because it almost feels like it's not important to the plot.
On another note, I also don't know a lot of people, so it feels like I don't have a lot of ideas to draw from; it's hard for me to understand hobbies/activities that I don't do. I'm a book/video game nerd who enjoys writing occasionally. I don't have many personal hobbies to infuse into any of these characters as I don't see them as computer nerds. Well, except for maybe Samantha because I hold this headcanon that she hacked into her sister's security cameras to spy on her daughter who lived with her sister at the time.
I understand what mean with questions and I think they are important questions to answer. However, I think I have a personal problem with how to reach the answers. At least in terms of what does she enjoy, what is she good/bad at. The others I may be able to answer. I think I have a problem coming up with details like that because it almost feels like it's not important to the plot.
That's part of the issue, Your characters should feel like they exist outside of this book you're writing. As a reader characters should feel like people you meet and know only at school for the first bits of the book, you may not know all of their personality traits, favorites, and hobbies but from interacting with them you know that those things exist. You could just notice that someone wears a lot of purple and think, maybe that's their favorite color, or see them wearing Band merch and realize that they really enjoy a particular genre of music. Having small little details like that in the text helps bring the character to life more, you need to know the characters hobbies and talents in order to be able to hint at them in the text.
On another note, I also don't know a lot of people, so it feels like I don't have a lot of ideas to draw from; it's hard for me to understand hobbies/activities that I don't do. I'm a book/video game nerd who enjoys writing occasionally.
Well, the obvious answer to that is that you could have a character that's also a book/video game nerd. But there's also lots of other places to get inspiration for interesting hobbies. What kind of things are your friends or family into? Is there anything that you've wanted to try but never really got around to? Or something that you've always thought was kind of cool, but maybe not "for you"? It doesn't even really matter if you don't know much about these hobbies right now because it's so easy to learn on the internet.
On another note, I also don't know a lot of people, so it feels like I don't have a lot of ideas to draw from; it's hard for me to understand hobbies/activities that I don't do. I'm a book/video game nerd who enjoys writing occasionally.
Well, the obvious answer to that is that you could have a character that's also a book/video game nerd. But there's also lots of other places to get inspiration for interesting hobbies. What kind of things are your friends or family into? Is there anything that you've wanted to try but never really got around to? Or something that you've always thought was kind of cool, but maybe not "for you"? It doesn't even really matter if you don't know much about these hobbies right now because it's so easy to learn on the internet.
I'm going to make docx with all the things I know about the characters thus far. I might link it here later. Thanks.
I'm going to make docx with all the things I know about the characters thus far. I might link it here later. Thanks.
Here it is: https://docs.google.com/document/d/14Ob4EslTHtiJBtrWU_yCE0-A8HuKSl3pOxy9xX913ck/edit?usp=sharing
Scroll to the bottom of the 2nd page for the notes.
From left to right, the pics go, Ally, Ally, Amelia, Ben, Mafew, Samantha, Tina, and Alex
Any thoughts?
I think it's a start but there is a long way to go.
What's their favorite color, what's their happy place, a favorite memory, what music do they listen to, do they have a particular style of clothes they really like or dislike.
So on and so forth
Right now I still don't know much about these character as people like this could be any number of individuals, what makes them unique why should I care about them.
What I do to help give my characters more life is to go through mannerisms. How do they walk? Speaking patterns? How do they look when happy? When sad? Do they cry? Do they yell? How do they treat loved ones?
Here are some examples of my characters: Bane, Rune, Fennec
Just kind toggle through them. Look at my mannerisms sections, the family section, personality, and nature. I've been told multiple times that my characters are some of the most developed characters people have seen. Just look through it and take a few notes.
Hope that helped! :D
I think another thing that's important to consider is how your character's backstory shapes who they are in the present. I find that for the most part, my character's personalities are almost entirely dictated by their backstories. A lot of them were totally different people before I came up with a good backstory for them.
I looked through your document, and it just feels like there's a lot of missing information. Most of this just feel like a bunch of fun facts about your characters, and those are fun to read but there has to be more to your character than just "she likes photography" or "he was bullied when he was a kid." I don't mean this in a mean way, but if this really is everything that you know about your characters, then no wonder they feel flat to you.
I think another thing that's important to consider is how your character's backstory shapes who they are in the present. I find that for the most part, my character's personalities are almost entirely dictated by their backstories. A lot of them were totally different people before I came up with a good backstory for them.
I looked through your document, and it just feels like there's a lot of missing information. Most of this just feel like a bunch of fun facts about your characters, and those are fun to read but there has to be more to your character than just "she likes photography" or "he was bullied when he was a kid." I don't mean this in a mean way, but if this really is everything that you know about your characters, then no wonder they feel flat to you.
I do have a backstory for some of them. I just didn't want to take the time to fully write the down at the time.
Something I noticed right off the bat is how many ideas and characters you introduced within the first two pages. I had a hard time keeping track of who's who when the story wasn't giving me any time to cement these characters in my head. We jump from Tina to a whole other character named Alex out of the blue while trying to understand the relationship between them and the protag's family and the conflict within the protag's family all at the same time. The Queen of Fairies sounds like an important title, but she hardly does anything impressive. When Samantha first started speaking in Chapter 2, I had to go back in the text because I had no clue who she was and what she was doing there, and going back still didn't provide an explanation. There is too much information being loaded on to the reader at once.
This connects to your issue of flat characters. Despite the gravity of the situation happening within the first few pages, I don't have any reason to care about these characters because I know nothing about them or their world. There needs to be some time to introduce at least some these characters and do some world building before this confrontation happens. For example, if the story started before the protag's father shows up, that would give some much needed space to introduce the protag. What does she enjoy? What is she good at, or bad at? Is she popular among her peers? Most importantly, what is her relationship with her mother, and how does she feel toward her dad? At the same time, what is Ally like? How did she handle becoming a single mom? How does she feel toward her husband who bailed on her? Even their feelings toward certain subjects can tell a ton about them. Then, the father's sudden arrival can organically add another element to the story as well as give an opportunity to introduce him.
On a side note, it was also a difficult for me to keep track of who is speaking in your dialogue. Putting in some action before what the character says might help with this. A random example of what I mean:
Jacob banged his fist against the vending machine. "Get out, you stupid candy bar!"
I couldn't help feeling embarrassed by all the people watching us. "Can you please stop? What did that vending machine ever do to you?"
"It robbed me of my last dollar," he fumed.
I wrote a chapter that takes place before the current events I have written. What do you think? Keep in mind that it's not finished.
I didn’t ask to be born or to be burdened by my family’s secrets, forced to move and to change, and hated simply because I exist. For much of my childhood, I thought I was alone in this, but life is too complicated for that to be true.
“Ami!” my mom shouted from the kitchen. “Ready? Time to go!”
“One second!” I yelled. I stood in my now empty bedroom, holding a cardboard box filled with pictures - photos I had taken throughout the years. On the top of the pile was a picture of my younger brother Toby; he was five when I took that photo. He stood in front of a blank, white wall. Toby grinned that infectious grin of his. It was goofy and ecstatic, revealing his missing front tooth - all signs of a perfect childhood, despite his being not so ideal. His chocolate brown eyes gleamed with pride and excitement. He had our mother’s straight black hair, but where her’s long, his was short, but only long enough that it hit his eyelids. My mom always insisted that she have it cut, but one day, not so long after, I took the photo. Toby made such a fuss that she didn’t argue.
I walked towards my bedroom door, turned around to face my barren room, and whispered, “Goodbye.” This would be the last time I would lay eyes on my childhood home.
It was a clear, warm summer morning. The sun reflecting off of the black minivan sitting in the driveway. My mom leaned against the side of the van, her arms crossed. She wore a baggy cerulean blue tank top that reached her hips and black shorts. Her expression was one I didn’t expect - grim determination. Her eyes, like mine, were forest green, they were transfixed on the house as if she were trying to take a photo of it and store in her own mental scrapbook. Today, she wore her hair in a ponytail. On her left upper arm were three pale white vertical scars, like cuts or slits. From the day I could talk until I was eight years old, I would ask her where she got those strange scars. Finally, she explained me the truth about her past with her mother. Let’s just say Samantha Cowiak was far from the ideal mom.
“Just take a picture. It’ll last longer,” I told her, putting my fingers to my lips, “Hmm, better yet, I’ll give you one of mine.” I placed the box in the trunk and began rifling through its contents. It has to be here somewhere. Aha! I pulled out a photo of the house and handed it to her. It was small, one-story, and was painted white. It was brand new when my parents had bought it but that was ten years ago.
“I can’t believe we’re leaving this place,” I said.
“I know. It feels like yesterday I was driving across the island, with you in the back of the car, your dad next to me. No care in the world,” my mom said, smiling, lost in the past. She sighed heavily, “Time to leave. Time to go home.” My mom took one last look at the house, slammed the trunk, and got in the car.
“Did you know that forty percent of people in Southwater are fairies and powered people?” Toby said, ten minutes later. Today, he wore a navy blue tee-shirt and black shorts.
“Yes, Toby. I did. In fact, it’s the reason most people don’t like it there. There afraid of us. They think we’re all bad people, destined to break the law,” my mom replied calmly even though we all knew there was more to her words than she was letting on.
I think another thing that's important to consider is how your character's backstory shapes who they are in the present. I find that for the most part, my character's personalities are almost entirely dictated by their backstories. A lot of them were totally different people before I came up with a good backstory for them.
I looked through your document, and it just feels like there's a lot of missing information. Most of this just feel like a bunch of fun facts about your characters, and those are fun to read but there has to be more to your character than just "she likes photography" or "he was bullied when he was a kid." I don't mean this in a mean way, but if this really is everything that you know about your characters, then no wonder they feel flat to you.
I have two perspectives in this story. I've noticed something that could make them differ. Ben has a history as a College History Professor and would write less causally than Amelia, who's a child.