forum Character Critique
Started by Bertha Mason group
tune

people_alt 60 followers

Bertha Mason group

Im just gonna yoink Kneel in here- My Piglin Boy (o´∀`o)
[TW: V//l/nc/, Bl//d, M/rd/r, F/m/ly]

Overall an excellent character. The backstory seems to be thought out fairly well, and I liked the addition of the themes for the character.

I did notice that you put N/A for the religion, but when looking into your world I found the phrase: “Enchanting is the way to praise the god of the world,” under Magic. Is there anything religious about this?

I also noticed that you stated his motivations to be to place the world into a “Anarchist/Tyrannist State. To Rule over those weaker and rise up with subordinates,”: I was wondering what you meant by this, for Tyranny and Anarchy are polar opposites. Tyranny is the seizing and claiming of power by force, like a dictator, and Anarchy is the rejection of all authority whatsoever. If you could further explain what you mean by this political system, it would be much improved.

Some of the objects and customs of your world as well as aspects of your character seem quite intriguing: eating gold nuggets, being [almost] blind in one eye, some of the items collected; I would be interested to know more.

My last thing is the relationship with Ide. [He] is listed as a Best Friend, but also as a pet, and labeled “Subordinate,” while still possessing a father-son relationship with Kneel. If you could explain this a little better, I think that your characters would benefit from it.

Overall, I didn’t have many complaints. Most of the issues, I am sure, bear solutions in your mind, and you just didn’t write them out. There are some assets of the character (gender, end motivations, etc…), that you are obviously still working on, but that is totally okay. Great work, and keep writing!

-Bertha Mason

@K14N language

Im just gonna yoink Kneel in here- My Piglin Boy (o´∀`o)
[TW: V//l/nc/, Bl//d, M/rd/r, F/m/ly]

Overall an excellent character. The backstory seems to be thought out fairly well, and I liked the addition of the themes for the character.

I did notice that you put N/A for the religion, but when looking into your world I found the phrase: “Enchanting is the way to praise the god of the world,” under Magic. Is there anything religious about this?

I also noticed that you stated his motivations to be to place the world into a “Anarchist/Tyrannist State. To Rule over those weaker and rise up with subordinates,”: I was wondering what you meant by this, for Tyranny and Anarchy are polar opposites. Tyranny is the seizing and claiming of power by force, like a dictator, and Anarchy is the rejection of all authority whatsoever. If you could further explain what you mean by this political system, it would be much improved.

Some of the objects and customs of your world as well as aspects of your character seem quite intriguing: eating gold nuggets, being [almost] blind in one eye, some of the items collected; I would be interested to know more.

My last thing is the relationship with Ide. [He] is listed as a Best Friend, but also as a pet, and labeled “Subordinate,” while still possessing a father-son relationship with Kneel. If you could explain this a little better, I think that your characters would benefit from it.

Overall, I didn’t have many complaints. Most of the issues, I am sure, bear solutions in your mind, and you just didn’t write them out. There are some assets of the character (gender, end motivations, etc…), that you are obviously still working on, but that is totally okay. Great work, and keep writing!

-Bertha Mason

Thank you for the Feedback Bertha! ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ
I implemented some new things into Kneel's character, so if you ever read over him again I hope you'd like the new information!