![](/rails/active_storage/representations/redirect/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaHBBeDhiQVE9PSIsImV4cCI6bnVsbCwicHVyIjoiYmxvYl9pZCJ9fQ==--1dcc9f0a317e29e74b08b088391d59a264d30e13/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaDdCem9MWm05eWJXRjBTU0lJY0c1bkJqb0dSVlE2RkhKbGMybDZaVjkwYjE5c2FXMXBkRnNIYVZWcFZRPT0iLCJleHAiOm51bGwsInB1ciI6InZhcmlhdGlvbiJ9fQ==--f1911195a99e877b06987e2dd07ccbb0fc8dae18/Oni_Mask_Squat_AVA.png)
@King-in-Yellow group
I just need someone to grammar check me and see if it's good?
I just need someone to grammar check me and see if it's good?
Okay so I just have a couple notes:
Hope I helped! :D
@AAAAAGGGHH-MJ-MIGHT-BE-AN-ARSONIST Yes it did, Thank you. I just wanted to make sure. Thank you again
I think it's not too bad. However, the stuttering could use some work. I don't think most people stutter like that - rather, people usually repeat words or fill pauses with fillers like "um", "er", maybe laughter, clearing of throats, etc. Aside from that, there's not much else imo
@stressed-sock Thank you for the feedback
This is just advice if you're giving your characters a stutter in the actual writing of the book/story (not as a recording, so this doesn't directly apply) an even more fancy, professional way of doing that is writing out what they say with just a few added letters, or even not doing added letters, and then after (or even before) the character says what they need to, instead of writing 'said' or 'says' write 'stutters', which gives the book/story a bit more depth and variety. And this can be applied to anything at all, too, not just stuttering. For example:
"W-well I guess I can figure something out." She stuttered out, backing away warily.
Or: "We are not done, Sidious." He hissed through clenched teeth.
And finally: Stressed out of their mind, they impatiently grind out, "Get out of my way, ingrate!"
Sorry if that sounds a bit too instructive, or if it's common sense you already knew. It's just advice that I personally found helpful as well.
@NijiT you don't have to be sorry, I want honest feedback from people and I'm getting it. Thank you
Something about the way they’re speaking feels wrong? I don’t really know what it is, though. I rewrote some of the dialogue in what I feel like is a more realistic style to perhaps give you an idea of what I mean when I say this.
D: Hello, I’m Dr. Sarah Steenrod, but you could call me Rod if you’d like. I’m looking forward to getting to know more about you. To be frank, this is my first time doing an interview with someone, so go easy on me. laughs Alright, to start off, tell me your name.
T: It’s Tito. pause Tito De Calamari.
D: De Calamari-
T: (cutting her off) Say, doc, your skin looks absolutely delicious. What product do you use on it?
D: (stammering) I-, you’re of the Calamari family?
T: The one and only. You alright there Dr. Rod? You seem, pause shaken.
D: No, no, I’m fine. Just a bit, err, surprised to be speaking t-to The Wendigo.
T: Nothing to worry about. I don’t bite. winks
D: nervously laughs Right then, I suppose we should get on with the interview.
T: Go ahead.
D: clears throat So to start us off, what’s your favorite color?
@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused Ok, thank you
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