I need some help here, if anyone can lend some. I joined a couple new sites to make more friends and take a break from my novel by finding people to write with.
Well, this guy who reached out to me has been very.. Un-contributive? He reached out first, but I've had to ask all the questions. "What would the story be? Ok, what do you usually write? What kind of character are you wanting to be? ok, race is good and all, but what are they aside from just their race?" And, any time a send an idea blob, they just respond with "I like that." or "That sounds good." I've gotten maybe one paragraph's worth of actually contribution from them. Then I was using the vague term Primordials to umbrella term these fantasy races the entire time, because they're based on creatures from myths. Then they call them supernaturals suddenly, which feels super different.
I did already write bassically a smol five point essay expressing my concerns. That I've built my novel's world from scratch. That I was looking for someone to write with so I wouldn't have to hold the weight of a whole world by myself for a bit. That I didn't want to run a D&D campaign or chose your own adventure for them. That I want to write 50/50 together.
To which they replied saying that they have trouble brainstorming 50/50, but once they get in the actual rp and catch on then they can push ideas into the world. And that they excel at history and back stories.
I don't quite understand. How can you excel but also have trouble brainstorming? Maybe he means he just does better improving on the fly. I could understand that, but there are some things we need to put in order first. I don't want to have to carry that to get there. It's a valid way of writing, but I can't always write like that.
We wet back and forth a little more with world buildning, but it was still mainly me. He said we should probably develope the world more. I threw out a suggestion, got one sentence replies, then he asks "Ok, so what else?" Like, why don't you tell me??? Suggest something! Then he did, but it contridicts something I had suggested earlier that he said "Sounds good".
He's not contributing hardly. He's not reading and understanding what I've offered, and he's not asking to or adding to it or modifying it. He's just going with it, like he's along for the ride. But, I don't want to be behind the wheel for this whole road trip; I wanna take turns. There are other writers who would love to hold the reigns of a story, but I want a break from that write now. Me and this guy just aren't a good fit as writing partners, and I don't know how to break that to him. Sorry, for the long post, I just wanted to provide full context.
I think you should, politely but assertively, express that you feel like he isn't interested, committed or contributive, and basically tell him everything you said here in whatever manner you feel is appropriate.
But, if I am being honest, this doesn't sound like a guy you wanna collaborate with. If he's unwilling to contribute in the beginning or even read your responses, it'll probably be more frustrating in the long run. If you're sure you want to keep going, ask that he has to hold up his end in order to get anything done- and, if he's upset by your expressing what you need, then I'd drop him there.
I think that's what I'm worried about. I don't want to upset him, I guess because he lent his hand out to me first. Plus, I expressed myself once already; it just only improved vaguely. And, we have a bit done already, so for those ideas to be dropped hurts a little bit.
I do want to stand up for myself more though. Thank you for the encouragement. I think I needed some sort of comfirmation that I wasn't just reactingly poorly or something of the like
It sounds less like him being a problem and more like the two of you having very different styles- which isn't a negative thing. I think pointing that out, and gently saying that you're gonna try to find someone a little closer to your style, leaves fewer hurt feelings in the long run.
For instance: "Hey friend, it looks like we have some different methods and styles in our writing, and that's fine, but this isn't working for me. Maybe we can try again later, but for right now, I think I'm going to try to find someone who aligns with my style a little better. Thanks though!"
is a lot different and less confrontational than laying out all your grievances. It gets you out of the situation without hurt feelings, and also doesn't invite an argument, where telling him everything that's wrong with him definitely will hurt feelings, or invite him to lay out everything he thinks is wrong with you. And then you've got an ugly disagreement on your hands.
This is similar to how several of your RP threads haven't gotten a whole lot of traffic- not because there's anything wrong with you, or with your style, but just because they're written differently from the norm, or because your style is different. It's not a fault; just a difference that has caused a lack of connection.
If you can think in those terms, and see him less as your problem, and more as just another writer who is different from you, then I think gentle rejection comes a lot easier. I find it easy to write scathing reviews of people's ability to write or worldbuild or collaborate, until I start thinking of them as people, and not just someone to fulfill my wants for an RP or a collaboration.
(also. This may sound like I'm calling you out for being selfish- I'm not. I get it. It is your RP after all)
Just some thoughts. Ultimately, however you decide to tell him is fine- just know the risks of a long condemnation versus a gentler rebuff :)
It sounds less like him being a problem and more like the two of you having very different styles- which isn't a negative thing. I think pointing that out, and gently saying that you're gonna try to find someone a little closer to your style, leaves fewer hurt feelings in the long run.
For instance: "Hey friend, it looks like we have some different methods and styles in our writing, and that's fine, but this isn't working for me. Maybe we can try again later, but for right now, I think I'm going to try to find someone who aligns with my style a little better. Thanks though!"
is a lot different and less confrontational than laying out all your grievances. It gets you out of the situation without hurt feelings, and also doesn't invite an argument, where telling him everything that's wrong with him definitely will hurt feelings, or invite him to lay out everything he thinks is wrong with you. And then you've got an ugly disagreement on your hands.
This is similar to how several of your RP threads haven't gotten a whole lot of traffic- not because there's anything wrong with you, or with your style, but just because they're written differently from the norm, or because your style is different. It's not a fault; just a difference that has caused a lack of connection.
If you can think in those terms, and see him less as your problem, and more as just another writer who is different from you, then I think gentle rejection comes a lot easier. I find it easy to write scathing reviews of people's ability to write or worldbuild or collaborate, until I start thinking of them as people, and not just someone to fulfill my wants for an RP or a collaboration.
(also. This may sound like I'm calling you out for being selfish- I'm not. I get it. It is your RP after all)
Just some thoughts. Ultimately, however you decide to tell him is fine- just know the risks of a long condemnation versus a gentler rebuff :)
That is a more insightful response that I think is the best course of action, Mio
(Not that Charlatan's wasn't insightful! Frankly, I'm telling on myself, cuz that's how I reject people XD Now everyone knows my secret)
I didn't mean to imply he's a problem. I'm sorry if I did; I tend to over list all my reasons to try and justify my feelings to myself. We do just have very different writing processes, and I do think that's how I'm going to go about it.
I hope I'm not being obnoxious with my rp threads I tried to start. I only tried to bump the one since it had been months since I started it and wanted to see if anyone new would be interested. I figured bumbing it would be less obstructive than posting it all over again, and I only meant it as a first and final try. I've thought about going back, copying my part of it to a doc to recycle it into something else, and deleting the post since it's not what this site's current traffic is interested in.
I do try to understand just having different processes or tastes. And, I know that's what it is currently. I supose I'm just fretting over if it'll sound rude or snobbish to decline him just because of that.
You weren't rude or problematic about it; no worries. Having differences isn't an issue :)
You're not obnoxious with the RP threads! That was exactly my point! They're not obnoxious, just different to how most people start things off. They're quite good (and frankly, if I had the spoons to respond to any RP's right now, I'd jump in myself). Can I suggest putting (Open) in the title? That let's people know you're actively looking for partners.
You won't sound rude or snobbish to refuse him based on those concerns :) Don't fret! Stick to your guns.
(I apologize if my response came off accusatory- wasn't how I meant it :X )
I did put open in the title of the fae one. I do think my kingdom one is another place another time, so I will probably delete it. (She's been here since April.) Next time I propose that one, I'll ease into it after it's been agreed upon, instead off posting an intimidating block of text.
Thank you for your feedback though! I really do apreciate it!
(And, all's good! I tend to be overly self concious about everything. It wasn't you saying anything; it was me overprocessing it. I apologize for that.)
