forum If anyone needs any short story prompts, I'm your person!

Started January 18, 2018 by @p3ncil

tune

Hmm. How do they meet? Are they immediately compatible or do they irritate each other? Or do they meet as enemies? (Sorry about all the questions I'm trying to get a feel for the relationships between people and whatnot).

So, if Amber and Milo are living on the streets or something like that it might be a situation where (I'm imagining night time but thats up to you) getting food somewhere or heading home or something, and, if you want you can have either Amber of Milo sense Asura, as some magical being/ people can do that and thats also up to you and your universe rules. It might help to have them encounter him in a place where everyone will go regularly to have them start to observe him. I would continue this but I a m b e i n g y e l l e d a t.

Well when Amber and Milo meet, Amber irritates Milo to the point where he's wanting to physically fight her. But she puts up with him and he starts to realize that he's being a butt and he needs to calm down and appreciate the fact that she's giving him a place to live and food to eat and all that. As for Amber, Milo, and Asura, I have no idea how I'm going to make them meet.

@p3ncil that actually sounds like a good idea. Milo is a pretty powerful warlock, and he likes to be extra cautious because the world he lives in is dangerous (although ever since Amber started to take care of him, he hasn't been living on the streets). Also sorry you're being yelled at that sucks.

@Jensen-rs Okay. At what point do you want the story to start? As Asura meets Milo and Amber? As Milo and Amber are meeting? As Asura is dealing with the Mephistopheles-Lucifer-power struggle-clusterfork-thing?

As Asura meets Milo and Amber

Okay. Do you want them to meet on Milo and Amber's turf (around where they live) or do you want them to meet Asura when they're out somewhere else for…a reason? (I'm so ineloquent). Oh! I have another question. Do you want Asura to have been travelling around ever since the Mephistopheles-Lucifer-power struggle-clusterfork-thing or do you want him to have settled down?

I kinda want them to meet in Milo and Amber's territory, since Asura traveled frequently since being banished from his home.

Also if you're feeling up to it, could you critique my writing style?

Sure!

I got bored and started writing a scene that I probably won't even put in my story.

“Asura,” A deep voice said, echoing through the dimly-lit cave. Asura spun around, turning to face a man that he thought he would never encounter again. The blood drained from his face, and he backed away, placing an arm in front of Miles protectively. 
“Lucifer,” Asura whispered. His gold eyes locked with his brother’s blue ones. It had been 15 million years since Asura had seen his face, but it still looked exactly the same. His dark blonde hair was still long and silky. It just barely brushed the tops of his shoulders. His body was thin and tall, the skin covering it perfectly smooth and light… except for his hands. 
Asura squinted slightly, tilting his head as he examined the burns that started at his wrist and twisted down his hands and fingers. They vaguely resembled lightning strikes. 
“Good to see you too, Asura,” Lucifer said, drumming his fingers on the rounded top of his cane. 
“That’s your brother?” Miles said, gently pushing Asura’s arm aside and stepping up next to him. His expression remained calm and calculative as he took in Lucifer’s appearance and demeanor. Lucifer glared at Miles. 
“And who are you?” He asked bitterly. Miles looked up, a cold rage in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but Asura put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back. 
“Don’t,” he warned, stepping closer to his brother. “Don’t say anything, Milo.”
“Milo? Is he your new pet?” Lucifer said, looking back and forth between the two and smirking. Asura glared, a letting out a low lion’s growl. Lucifer chuckled, lightly covering his mouth and leaning over his cane. “No? A sex toy then?” 

I have no idea why its formatted like that I'm sorry

Ah, don't worry about the formatting. So, do you want specific edits or just a general good, bad, needs work? Or maybe a general work on (such and such) or you have a very strong (such and such)?

Can you please tell me what I need to work on?

Okay. I'd just like to say, first off, that your writing is really good. The only thing I really noticed is a bit of exaggeratedness? (Is that the word?)

Not much, but here: "Miles looked up, a cold rage in his eyes." I feel like this reaction is a bit too strong for the situation. Lucifer hasn't done enough to elicit that kind of anger yet (at least from what we've seen in this scene).

There's also the … used here. "His body was thin and tall, the skin covering it perfectly smooth and light… except for his hands." It doesn't really seem necessary, it just kind of gives it a bit too much drama.

Another place where I feel the emotion is too strong for the situation is here: "“And who are you?” He asked bitterly." You're very good at conveying the venom he feels but I don't really feel that such a level of emotion was really provoked. (At least as far as I can see) Milo hasn't presented any reason for Lucifer to be jealous or to feel any particular negativity towards him. (I mean they only just met and Milo hasn't said or done anything to him yet).

This stuff is really minor though. I had to have my editor's brain on to notice it. It's a good scene, I like it :)

Also, getting back to the "where to start?" thing, do you know what kind of place you want Milo and Amber's turf to be? Like, is it a city? Oh! Also, what's the general setting/genre of the story? We fast-forward 15 million years, are we now in a dystopian society? A futuristic society? Something akin to the world today? Are we even on planet Earth in this story?

Thank you :) To add a bit of backstory on why Milo got so upset is because he's in love with Asura. Lucifer knows Asura very well, but he hates him (he was the one that banished Asura from his universe in the first place). He knows that Asura is naive, emotional, loving, and very protective, so he's hurting Milo in order to get at Asura.

Well, they're in our parallel universe. In my story there are always two universes that are copies of each other, except one in infused with magic and the other is void of it. They're in the present time in the city.

@Jensen-rs ah, okay. But where did Lucifer's bitterness come from? And why is Milo upset because he's in love with Asura if it was Milo Lucifer was trying to hurt to try to get to Asura? If Milo was upset because he was in love with Asura wouldn't Lucifer have to be trying to hurt Asura instead of trying to hurt Milo like he's doing to get to Asura? Wait. Who's what wait WHAT I'm going in so many circles I can't even—oh I'm so confused. (It's not you Jensen I've done this to myself).

I'm sorry for confusing you but now I'm confused????

Okay so Lucifer is Asura's brother
Lucifer was in love with Mephisto
Asura murdered Mephisto
Lucifer is bitter as hell toward Asura
Milo is in love with Asura
Asura is in love with Milo
Asura doesn't care when people insult him but when somebody insults the people he loves it hurts him emotionally
When Lucifer is implying that Milo is Asura's whore, he's extremely upset because he's in love with Asura, and at the same time he's insecure so he starts to think that Lucifer might be right, and that he really is just a living sex to to Asura

That's why everybody is upset
I hope I didn't confuse you more

No no, I get it now. Sorry about that XD

It's all good lol

@Jensen-rs Do you still need help figuring out where to start or are you good?

Yeah I mean I need help with a specific situation. I'm so bad at coming up with those things.

@Jensen-rs Okay. So I have a few more questions then. (Sorry XD)

1. Do you know what kind of place you want Milo and Amber's turf to be? Like, is it a city?
2. What's the general setting/genre of the story? We fast-forward 15 million years, are we now in a dystopian society? A futuristic society? Something akin to the world today? Are we even on planet Earth in this story?
3. Are Milo and Amber homeless or is Amber a not-homeless person who made formerly-homeless Milo not-homeless? (So many hyphens wipes brow).

I answered this but I think notebook deleted my response ahh

1. Yeah, it's a city. Amber and Milo live in an apartment.
2. No, they're in the present, in our parallel universe. (in my story, each universe has a copy of itself. One is void of magic, the other is filled with it. This universe is our present day Earth, but with magic)
   1????. Amber and Milo both live in an apartment together. Milo was homeless growing up, but Amber let him live with her.

@Jensen-rs yeah, I think it did. Sorry you had to answer it twice!

The parallel universe thing is really cool! How does the existence of magic affect society and how people live their lives?

Okay so they're not homeless and they live in a city and there's magic. Maybe they could bump into Asura on the street? Or if there's a certain place they frequent they could meet him there. Their meeting could have something to do with an altercation/confrontation. Maybe Asura is doing something he shouldn't be (stealing, harassing someone, being rude, etc. though that doesn't seem in character for him) and Amber and/or Milo tries to stop him? Or the other way around? Or maybe one of the three could be the victim of theft, harassment, etc. and the other two try to help? (I'm sorry I'm just thinking into a text box so this is a bit half-baked).

Magic is like drugs to people. There are three different categories, but only two can be used by humans, which are dark magic and elemental magic. Dark magic is illegal in most parts of the world, since it is done by extracting energy from living things. That energy can be converted to create different things and perform different spells. This is the type of magic that Milo uses. He makes quite a bit of money off of it, since people will pay warlocks to perform different spells. Elemental magic is legal, but much more complicated. It's the practice of influencing/moving specific elements, but it has lots of rules and costs to using it.

Also, this gives me an idea. I'm thinking maybe Asura has lived in that universe for a while and wants to leave, but in order to get out he has to find a dimension mirror (which enables him to enter the next dimension over). He sees one on a shelf behind the checkout at a gas station store, and tries to steal it, but Amber (who owns the gas station store) and Milo catch him.

@Jensen-rs

That's really cool! What's the third type of magic? And who can use it, if humans can't?

I like that idea!

The third type of magic is god magic, lol. I have a whole system (not quite finished yet but it will be soon) and I can copy and paste it here if you want to.

Ooh yes! Please do!

(if anything is worded strangely or is confusing, please let me know!)
Dark Magic

• Dark magic is a form of magic where energy is drawn from a living object. It is difficult to master, and is performed by Warlocks.
• It is an offensive magic. It can only be used to hurt, and not heal.
• You cannot completely drain anything of its life energy
• You cannot absorb any life energy that you take
• If you practice dark magic, you cannot practice any other form of magic

God Magic

• Magic that is used by gods to create and protect their universes
• You cannot destroy what you create
• You cannot leave your universe unless it is being protected by another god
• You cannot kill anything other than a god
• The amount of magic you have is finite. You can only obtain more by jumping dimensions. The void between two dimensions is basically a god magic jackpot, so travelling in it is basically a recharge.
• You can shift into any form that exists in the universe that you’re in, but you may not alter the form with magic at all. You get what you get.

Elemental Magic

• Magic that moves/influences movement of certain elements (not the classic elements like water, fire, earth, air etc. I’m referring to the periodic table.)
• You may only influence one element at a time
• You may only influence elements for a total of 15 seconds at a time
• You may only influence a cluster of the same element that's mass is less than or equal to yours