"You’re famous and I jokingly left a comment on your social media post asking if you’ll go egg my ex-partner’s house with me this weekend, and I never actually expected you to respond, let alone show up Friday night with dark sweatshirts, toilet paper rolls, and three egg cartons tucked under your arm” AU
Person A: “Are you seriously telling me that you never realised I’m a vampire?”
Person B: “I’m sorry ok? I thought you were just really into the aesthetic!”
“You don’t get to surrender. You lose when I say you lose, you win when I say you win, you die when I say you die. I haven’t said you can die yet. Pick your weapon up”
“How do you accidentally end up married to a supervillain?”
“Okay, long story short, it wasn’t my fault, they started it, I’ve never lost a game of gay chicken in my life and I wasn’t about to start now.”
All throughout your childhood and teen years, your grandmother had always had a strange but very firm set of rules. Living out in the middle of the forest, almost a full days walk from town, naturally came with many dangers, all of which you had been taught how to handle at a young age. The rules your grandmother always stressed however, had always been different.
Rule one: Never answer any call or speak to anyone whilst outside of the house, even if it sounded like your grandmother.
Rule two: Never accept gifts from strangers you met in, or surrounding the forest, and always be cautious when accepting gifts whilst in town.
Rule three: Never leave the house without your iron dagger and iron wrist cuffs.
Rule four: Never leave the house or linger outside after the sun begins to set.
Rule five: Never answer the door, or calls from outside at night.
Rule six: Never stray from the path, no matter the circumstances.
Those rules, strange as they were, had been drilled into you since you were a child, your grandmother acting almost fanatic in her protection of you in your younger years. For a time, your grandmother had loosened her over protectiveness on you, allowing you some freedom as a young preteen and teen, though the rules always remained unchanging. You had used the opportunity to explore the town when ever you got the chance back then, something you had deeply enjoyed, even if the townsfolk did treat you a bit strangely.
Lately however, your grandmother seemed to have almost doubled her protectiveness of you, once again forcing you to stay where she could watch you, despite the fact that you were now an adult. It was stifling, but she was all that you had, and you refused to push her away just because she cared a little too much.
Today was one of the few days that she had relaxed her control a little, and you had rather eagerly taken the chance to go and spend some time out of the house, picking berries at a lovely little spot that was within one of your grandmothers designated “safe zones”. Enamoured as you were, with the moment of peace, you almost didn’t notice as the sky began to turn pink with the setting of the sun.
With a pounding heart, you gathered up your basket and deftly dashed down the thin path, knowing the trail by heart. You knew if you were even a moment late, your grandmother would tighten her hold on you even more, something you really didn’t want to deal with.
You were only a few minutes away from the house, when you found yourself coming to a sudden stop.
Leaning against a tree up ahead, a tall figure was slumped, their shoulders rising and falling slowly and shakily with their breaths. Hesitantly, you started to move past them, only to freeze as you realised they were clutching a massive gash in their side, their fine clothing stained with their blood, and a trail of it leading from the direction you were headed.
Without thought, you fell to your knees before them, abandoning your basket as you tore off a section of your coat, carefully pressing it over the strangers wound. You were so intently focused on helping them stem the flow, that you never noticed as they flinched at the sight of your cuffs, only noticing as they began to lean back and away from you.
Letting out a soft sound of distress, you moved further forward Rule six, pressing your hand more firmly over the wound and ignoring the warmth of their blood quickly staining your hand.
Rule one “Please stay still, you need to keep pressure on it to stop the bleeding.”
Your voice timid and quiet as you spoke, eyes worried as you pressed more cloth over the wound, shifting closer still in your attempt to help. When no response came, you finally looked up, freezing when you found the stranger staring at you in awe and wonder, face no longer shielded by their long hair.
Your breath hitched as you took in the delicately pointed ears, their unnatural ethereal beauty, and the strange eyes that glowed softly in the dimming light Rule four. Entrance by the sight of them, you didn’t notice them moving until you felt their blood stained fingers ever so gently brushing over your cheek, as though to check if you were really there before them.
“….It’s you.”
Person A: “H-How many fucking knives do have in there?!”
Person B: Still pulling knives out of their bag and pockets “I don’t know actually… I have two in my bra and one in my boot as well I think. You know… just in case.”
Person A: “In case of what?!?!!”
Person A: “Stop pacing.”
Person B: “I cant help it! I’m nervous!”
Person A: “You’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”
Person B: “I am not! You could be a little more understanding you know.”
Person A: “I don’t see what the big deal is, it’s not like you have to tell them.”
Person B: “You don’t understand. My parents will know what he is the moment he steps through the door with me!”
Person A: “…so?”
Person B: “So, that means they are going to ask questions!”
Person A: “I’m still not seeing the issue, your parents are ridiculously chill.”
Person B: “Hey mum! Hey mama! I know most of our family are life and nature witches, but I accidentally summoned death himself a few months back with highly illegal and ancient dark magic after I got super fucking drunk, and now we’re engaged. Surprise!”
Person A: “……ok fair point.”
(are others allowed to post their prompts as well for peeps to steal?)
(Sure!)
“Could you show a little human decency for once?”
“I’m not human, remember?”
“No offense, but I’m going to steal your sacred rock. It’s shiny and I want it.”
“You can’t trust him! He kills people for a living.”
“Look, I have some bad news for you about my own occupation.”
“Face it, asshole, you’re stuck with me until we get out of here.”
“Don’t underestimate my willingness to die just to spite you.”
“Necromancy is evil!”
“Trust me, reanimating a corpse is the least evil thing I’m going to do today.”
Your best friend, who had been deaf since birth, went missing when you were in middle school. Everyone thought he’d been snatched by a predator, but there was no physical evidence or leads and over time, the case went cold. You mourned his loss, but did your best to get on with your life.
Then, one day years later, while hiking near your college, a massive monster grabs you and takes you back to its cave. While you’re screaming in terror, it keeps gesturing at you with its hands. After you manage to calm down, you suddenly realize:
It’s signing.
When you had told your friends that you were finally getting the chance to move out and get far away from your family, they were happy for you. When they found out where you would be moving to however, that joy quickly turned into fear. Suddenly, every single one of them was trying to convince you not to do it.
The apartment building was a reasonably nice place, neither top of the line, nor the worst of the worst. It was in a decent area, at an affordable price, and your new landlord had been blessedly understanding about holding the apartment for you, until you could arrive. There was only one thing that was a cause for concern.
You would be the Only human in the entire building.
Though the supernatural races had finally integrated fully with the mundane world a number of years ago, there was still some tensions that lingered from time to time. You’re friends likely wouldn’t have been so vocal if you had simply had a supernatural neighbour or two, as these days it was quite common. But the knowledge that you would be the only human in an apartment complex filled with the supernatural, was more than a little worrying. You would essentially be in their territory.
Whilst you appreciated their concern, you held no such reservations, or at least not the same kind that they did. The only thing about their nature that concerned you, was whether you would accidentally offend any of them, having never really had a chance to learn about the other races, with how your family was. You knew what true evil looked like, had lived with it your whole life. You refused to judge any of them, simply based on their race.
Due to the distance, moving was done mostly by yourself, though your new landlord, a rather motherly old werewolf, insisted upon helping you once you arrived. Between the two of you, with her rather magnificent strength, despite her age, you managed to heave the few pieces of furniture you had, into your new apartment rather quickly. It was clear that she had been concerned by how little you owned, but thankfully she relented after a while, in favour of talking you through the paperwork.
Surprisingly, you found yourself settling in rather quickly, though you hadn’t seen all too much of your new neighbours, other than an overly friendly nature witch, who had gifted you a singing succulent as a housewarming gift. Your landlord had all but adopted you, and with how well soundproofed the whole building was, because of all the heightened senses, you didn’t even have to worry about disturbing anyone with your nightmares or the odd hours you kept.
At your request, the landlady had very kindly started to coach you on the rules and social etiquette of dealing with the other races, and a few days ago, you had finally fallen into a good groove at your new job. For the first time in your life, you were starting to feel safe and content, perhaps even happy.
You could only hope that none of that would change, once you finally started meeting the rest of your neighbours. You had a feeling they were avoiding you, though you were too insecure to do anything about it. Only time would tell.
“Why do people always say ‘watch your back, I’ll be coming for you’? Don’t tell people you want to kill them, just drive a knife into their spine and be done with it. It’s so much easier.”
“It’s considered polite to let someone know you’re their enemy.”
“Polite - it’s murder.”
This is kind of a “don’t notice me” spell. It’s not invisibility, but it’ll mean that people won’t be able to keep you in their thoughts or notice anything out of the ordinary about you, as long as you’re wearing the necklace.”
X takes it in reverent hands, eyes wide. In a soft, awed voice, xe says, “I am going to do. So many crimes.”
“Okay, I changed my mind, give it back-”
“Listen, when I first got my powers… I wasn’t exactly the most stable,” they wiped their eyes before continuing, “and I’ve done a lot of awful things I’m not proud of.“
“Like what?”
“A lot of it is a blur but according to my government file- theft, arson, assault, and a lot of murder.”
“Mom, Dad… I have something to tell you. I know it’s against your religion, but I am hoping that you’ll be able to look past it and accept me for who I am, even if you don’t agree with it.”
“Oh, God, you’re a homosexual, aren’t you?”
“I was going to say that I’m a witch, but you know what, that too.”
“Bankrupt or not, he’s still a very powerful man.”
“He’ll be a very dead man if he ever comes within ten feet of me again.”
The King has sent a Royal Decree that whoever can retrieve his young daughter from the Trapped Spire whose defences include (But are not limited to) a fire breathing dragon, deadly mechanical traps, magical curses, and a lot of increasingly complex locks, will be granted her hand in marriage. Describe the scene when the young princess returns with an unconventional suitor.
Person A: “Please don’t tell me you threw someone out the window again.”
Person B: “Ok.”
Person A: “…..Oh god you totally threw someone out the window again didn’t you?”
Person B: “I can neither confirm nor deny.”
Person A: “….”
Person B: “….”
Person A: “….”
Person B: “…..but if I did”
Person A: “Oh My Fucking God.”
“You’re a god – you can’t call up a kraken or something?”
“Guess who just got a new divine quest? It’s you, my beloved acolyte. Go find me a kraken.”
Peering up at your flatmate, you tried not to fidget nervously, offering them a small sheepish smile. You were in trouble.
“They….followed me home?” You said hesitantly, the excuse coming off more as a question, than a statement.
Staring blankly at you, they sighed loudly, stepping into the flat fully as they nudged the door shut behind them and absently locked it. Taking in the sight of you sitting on the floor with your arms full of kitten sized dragons, they finally just dropped their things and groaned loudly in exasperation.
Blushing, you could only watch as they rubbed at their face tiredly, ignoring the tiny purple dragon currently attempting to climb up to your face, little claws digging into you slightly through your shirt.
“There’s no way I can convince you to take them back to where ever you got them from, is there?” Your flatmate asked you dryly, warily watching as a particularly plump little dragon waddled over to try and play with a loose thread on their pants.
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