@Lucky_Coin group
(oh, okay thanks. Maybe I won't use caps lock next time. :)
(And YES WHAT. If Nosedive is sadistic, then Cairnove is a psychopath who belongs in a mental hospital.)
(oh, okay thanks. Maybe I won't use caps lock next time. :)
(And YES WHAT. If Nosedive is sadistic, then Cairnove is a psychopath who belongs in a mental hospital.)
(yeah, if youre worried about it, most people will be looking for something like this)
(TW: Swearing)
(I'm nervous cuz I have no clue if youre the type to kill off characters or not…)
(Oh no, I only do that at the end with the BBB (BIG BOSS BATTLE). To add more effect, you know? :)
(thnx for the help by the way. It helps to have an audience that knows how writing and worldbuilding work.)
(ah ok. But dont tell me that ;)
(And of course! I try to keep up with peoples writing if I can)
(… if youre ever bored, or feel like giving some criticism back, give this a look)
(https://www.notebook.ai/forum/sharing-critiques/help-me-get-used-to-criticism)
(WOAH. You're brilliant at writing! I've only looked at a couple of things of yours so far, but they look AMAZING!)
(It's really cool how you have a huge range of genres in your writing. I fail miserably at anything that isn't fantasy.)
( :D Stahhhp, youre making me blush ;)
(I'm glad you like it. But be encouraged, if you like my stuff- you're certainly on the same level :)
(And hey, we all write what we like. Sci-fi is my bread and butter but I love fantasy too. And specializing isn't bad!)
(thnx =)
(Also, have you taken a look at you're writing? It's like author-level good! And I mean that in the best way possible :)
(Thanks very much :) I've considered trying to sell some of the short stuff)
(But! This is your writing space ;)
(:)
OK. The whole chapter is here! Do not worry, I didn't kill off any characters (I was sorely tempted to). Hope you enjoy!
(oh the temptation is strong ;)
(also, the hunt begins!! :D )
(Indeed ;)
Snippet 1 for Chapter 4 is here!
When Blackeye woke up the city hadn’t burnt down, thankfully, and he took this as a good sign, that Cairnove had stopped her search for them.
Be careful, Blackeye. We’re not in the clear yet, he thought. He got out of his hammock to find Dustbunny eagerly gobbling cashews from their wooden box. She looked up when he walked towards her.
“Where did you go last night?” She asked. “I woke up and you guys weren’t there. It was only Bits and PJ.”
“We went to Chuck’s Market. Sorry if we scared you.” Blackeye replied.
“You didn’t.” She said simply.
“How did you sleep?”
“Fine.”
“Glad you like those things,” Blackeye said, pointing at the cashews. Bun nodded, and their awkward conversation came to a close. Blackeye looked around the room to find Bricker’s hammock empty.
“Hey, Bunny,” He called out. “Do you know where Bricker is–”
“Said he was going to a pit. Quarters, I think it was.” Realization struck Blackeye.
Of course, he was planning on entering a tournament, wasn’t he? He wanted us to be there, and we just forgot. We just got so caught up in what happened yesterday, that we didn’t even talk about it. Crap.
“Dustbunny, We forgot about his round! Quickly, we have to get there before it starts.” Dustbunny immediately set around waking up the others, who all looked just as guilty as Blackeye felt when he explained their rude awakening.
“We need to get there, fast,” Nosedive said urgently. “What’s the time, is it light out? Quarters usually run on a late schedule, so if we run for it, we can get there in time.”
(By the way, the fight is mentioned in the new edit of Chapter 1. So, if you don't remember, don't worry. It wasn't mentioned before.)
(ah i was wondering)
(yeah sorry :)
(nah don't be. reading the early version of a work is cool but it often leaves holes so. Not a bad tradeoff)
Snippet two!
“Do we really have to go? I mean, I love stone-brained idiots fighting each other as much as the next person,” PJ said sarcastically. “But, what can I say? I’m on a tight schedule.”
“Of course, we have to go! Fighting is not something to mock, PJ!” Nosedive said furiously.
“And if unless you consider gambling all day at the snatcheries a ‘tight schedule’,” Bits said as he gave a stinkeye to PJ. “We have nothing better to do anyways, Hana.”
“Well, what if the blood serpents are there, huh? What will happen if they find Blackeye? And as crazy as Cairnove is, I’m sure she’d remember your mark, Blackye.” She said, pointing to the black birthmark over his right eye.
“Then we’ll have to risk it,” Blackeye said coldly. He hated it when people mentioned his scar.
“He said it was an important match,” Dustbunny put in. “A whole fud for whoever wins.”
Like clockwork, all four of their jaws gaped wide open when Bun said this. Blackeye had never dreamed of having so much money. If Bricker won this, they wouldn’t need any grab for a year.
“Well, What are we waiting for?” Bits exclaimed. “If he wins this, we won’t need money forever! We have to cheer him on if he could get that much for winning.”
“Besides, I’m sure you could make some bets with the audience, PJ,” Blackeye said.
PJ tried to argue against it, but Blackeye knew the bets had sold it to PJ, and soon they were heading up the street to get to Quarters.
I'm so sorry for not posting, i just had a busy schedule.
here, two combined snippets!
This pit was embedded into the walls barring the world from the commons, almost taunting the government that ruled the upper city to dare and stop them from their illegal and brutal games. Outside the arena was a cobbled square characteristic of the Commons, with a drake-like fountain in the middle. Out of its mouth poured a stream of water down below into the bowl of the fountain. The entrance was a pair of double doors that loomed fifteen feet high with a curve at the top. Four guards held off the onslaught of people trying to get in, quarterstaffs strapped on their backs in case the crowd got out of hand. At a desk next to the doors sat a woman in a red yarn jersey stamping tickets with her thumbprint. The guards were carefully filtering the mass of people towards the desk, making sure they had tickets before letting them get that far.
“Calm down, calm down, folks. You’ll all get in eventually. The fight with Bricker and Skan is starting in an hour. You’ve all got plenty of time.”
“Shit,” Nosedive muttered under her breath. “How are we gonna get in with this line? There must be more than a hundred in front of us. We’re not gonna make it in time. Besides, we don’t have any tickets!”
Blackeye glanced at the guards. They looked like pit competitors themselves, and as they busily pushed and shoved stragglers away from the main line, he knew there was no chance of bargaining with them.
“Let's stay in the queue for now guys,” he whispered. “We’ll figure out something eventually but, until then, we’ll just have to wait.”
Carefully they scooted over to the line that snaked around the square, prepared to run out at a moment's notice. The line was painfully long, though the guards and the stamper got through them vigorously. All sorts of people were in the line, from old beggars and Hide victims, to the wilder families in the commons with their fancy dress and posh accents.
With Blackeye and the others halfway down the line, a red-haired guard shouted out to the line, “15 minutes left! 15 minutes left! Hurry on people, we can’t stay here all day.”
(its been a crazy busy week, but i am still reading!)
(oh, don't worry about it! I've just finished October break, so now I'll be writing again.)
Okay, chapter 4 is here!
Enjoy!
TW
SWEAR WORDS
Snippet 1 for chapter 5!
As they sat back down on their wooden chairs, there was an uncomfortable silence. For some reason, Blackeye was blushing like a plum, and he didn’t know how to stop it. He could see that PJ and Nosidive were just as embarrassed. Bits was the first to break the ice.
“Why did he do that? His actual reason, I mean.” Bits said. “He wouldn’t have done that for nothing.”
“Yeah,” Nosedive mumbled.
“Uh-huh” PJ agreed, staring into the distance. Bits slapped his hand into his face.
“Come on guys! What’s wrong with you today?” Bun shouted. Immediately, they snapped out of it. They weren’t going to let Bunny think that there was anything wrong with them for a second.
“I don’t know, honestly, Bun. My guess is that he was being nice. But we can’t think about that right now.” Blackeye said.
Almost immediately after that, a loud bell sounded to quieten the crowd. A booming voice roared out over the arena, making the last remnants of the people’s chatter die out.
“WE ARE HERE TODAY TO WITNESS A HISTORICAL EVENT.” The voice rumbled. “THE CLASH OF TWO STORMS THAT HAVE RAVAGED THE PITS FOR AN AGE OR LONGER.” The crowd oohed.
“THESE TWO FORCES MANY OF YOU KNOW WELL. THOUGH YOU MAY DIFFER ON YOUR OPINIONS ON THEIR STRENGTHS,” At these words, PJ hopped out of her seat to start placing bets on Bricker and his competitor.
“IT IS UNDENIABLE THAT THEY ARE EXTRAORDINARY IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE.” The crowd screamed and cheered like their lives depended on it.
(only one comment on Chap4, other than WELL DONE!)
( "The man pushing them around glazedskimmed his eyes across the rows of benches and seats above the red sand arena.")
(Usually glazed is something that happens to the eyes, not something they do. I kinda knew what you meant, I think[?])
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