His weight is low, especially considering that he isn't exactly skinny; you should probably add 10-20 lbs.
I've heard that using food to describe skin tone can be offensive (I'm not a poc so I'm not an authority on this) so you should probably describe his complexion differently or ask a poc.
Nature:
Mannerisms are good, but you could add a few more; I especially like to focus on speech patterns. How much, if ever, does he curse? How much does he use filler words? How good is his vocabulary? What words or phrases does he frequently use? What does his voice sound like (volume, does he stutter, etc.)? Just some things to think about.
That's an opinion you have there under prejudices, but I'm not sure that fits within that category. Prejudices are inherent biases he has about people; if he hates capitalism then one could be "all rich people are selfish" and thus he is instantly more hostile towards people with nice, expensive things.
He seems pretty well thought out overall; I'm impressed! I also really really like his personality.
Social:
Maybe more details on why he's agnostic, what religion he was originally, and what exactly he's questioning about religion.
I don't see politics on there, although I would expect that he's a socialist or communist and probably also pretty liberal.
History:
If Cameron learned English when he was as young as 7, he probably wouldn't have a detectable Spanish accent when speaking English, even when emotional (I think I saw that mentioned earlier)
Music:
I love that you have a theme song for him, and presumably your other characters. I think that's a really good idea.
There are just a few minor things here and there, but overall, pretty good!
Yes I'm very aware (I'm not poc either so I try to be mindful), and I don't believe bark is a food?? Is it the "syrupy" that you're referring to? I hadn't thought of it in the context of food (more like texture, tree sap), but thinking back on it that doesn't make any kind of sense. I will fix that, thank you.
More speech mannerisms is a good idea, thanks for the questions you gave to go of off.
Mm, I see what you mean, however prejudices can also be biases you pick up as you grow older (depending on environment, education, etc), and that's what I was thinking of when mentioning his dislike of capitalism, consumerism, etc. That being said, he doesn't?? Automatically hate all people who have nice things/clearly are better off? He just hates how the system treats the 99% that isn't getting rich off oil and fuels, who are trapped in a constant cycle of work work work to survive. So I don't know how to communicate that more clearly, maybe that belongs more in politics??
Thank you! :)
More religion details, will do!
Good point on politics, idk why I left that blank at all haha.
For accent, I'm going off how I've heard Latin-American acquaintances and friends speak: often these are people who have learned English from birth, but because of the way their parents speak maybe(?) or because they grew up in a predominantly Spanish-speaking area, they will slip into a slight accent when they're talking fast or when they're retelling a funny story or even when they're yelling and angry. Again, it's a very very slight accent, in fact it's probably more intonation that's just different and more noticeable. If I need to change the use of the word "accent" itself, let me know! ((Also just to be clear I know Portuguese is the main language in Brazil!!! But Cameron's family in particular is Spanish, despite this.))
Aahh thank you so much!! Music is so so important to me and so great to intertwine with a character and their personality/history, so I'm glad you think that!
Wow, thank you so much again and I'm sorry if my response got so long haha. Thank you for taking the time, I really appreciate it! :-)
(Also I'm sorry if I explain myself too much, I'm by no means trying to deflect your criticism or ignore your advice, I know I tend to go off on tangents haha.)
@Kaloobia no problem and thanks for the in-depth reply! Everything I said was just a suggestion so feel free to ignore as you see fit (particularly for the accent thing, what you said makes sense; I just haven’t seen it in my personal experience but it’s completely plausible). @Morosis if you were addressing me, I’d be happy to. I’ll get on it as soon as I can.
@Kaloobia no problem and thanks for the in-depth reply! Everything I said was just a suggestion so feel free to ignore as you see fit (particularly for the accent thing, what you said makes sense; I just haven’t seen it in my personal experience but it’s completely plausible).
:)) None of what you said is worth ignoring, and it's all stuff I've taken into account and will continue to keep in mind as I update his character. Thanks again so much!
@Morosis okay, sorry this took me so long.
Rachel
Looks:
If she's about 6 ft, curvy, and muscular, she should weigh a bit more than 158 lbs. Maybe 170ish?
Let me just mention here how much I love the artwork!
Nature:
Maybe elaborate a bit on her scars?
So I notice that she's a leader, but lacks confidence. These and other conflicting personality traits can coexist in people, and often do, but they can be tricky to write. While you're writing the story, the traits have to blend well, if that makes sense, so just look out for that.
Look into MBTI personality types (her personality description is good; this is just a suggestion in case you want to elaborate.) I've personally found them really helpful.
What is "psychological and realism awareness"?
Flaws are negative pesonality traits. Instead of saying she killed her father and disowned her mother (that belongs in history or notes), say that she has, say, violent tendencies and an inclination to push people away.
Also, I see a great personality description that leaves lots of wonderful imperfections and room for character growth, but all I really see in the flaws section is how traumatized Rachel is by her past. Look at her personality again and try to figure out how these traits could lead to flaws- for example, if she's a leader, she might be bossy; if she's protective, she might be possessive. You also wrote that she's judgemental and has a short temper. It's important for a character to have and overcome flaws that a majority of readers can relate to.
Mannerisms are ok, but you could elaborate. How would another character be able to tell that Rachel is (insert emotion here)? What are some trademark things she does (words/phrases she commonly uses, posture, general prescence, etc.)? I like to focus on speaking mannerisms because they're the easiest to convey and also help each character develop a different voice; look at the questions I wrote for Kaloobia's character and apply them to Rachel.
Social:
Wow, she has a lot of enemies and even more friends! That's a good thing; it shows a well-developed cast of characters.
History:
You mentioned that she was experimented on earlier, but I don't see that addressed in her backstory… it seems kinda important…
Overall, really well done. I was a bit picky, but that's because there wasn't much that needed critique. Great job!
Thank you ever so much for the criticism, it really helped me see where I can improve Rachel with some good questions and ideas to apply to her. I appreciate the effort you put into it and I will be sure to edit her soon xX