forum Short Story Attempt. Looking for any Critiques!
Started by @Writingwriter_01
tune

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@Writingwriter_01

So, a little background. I've been running a DND campaign for a bit and decided that I wanted to start writing short stories set in that world, but I've never been great at writing short stories, so any critiques and feedback is welcome! Thank you!

Mythpoint’s School of Magic claimed to be the place to learn everything and anything about any given topic. Their wisdom warehouse contained thousands upon thousands of grimoires, the shelves stretching up the wall as far as the peeper could see. Which Alyra deemed a blessing and a curse. With so much knowledge at his fingertips, he often spent more time searching for a particular grimoire, then he spent reading it.
Unfortunately, that was the predicament he once again found himself in. His professor had recommended a grimoire that would help his spellcasting abilities and Alyra had already spent hours searching for it, with no luck.
And that’s when he saw it. A tan grimoire with no title on the spine. Perhaps this was the grimoire his professor had mentioned? He grabbed it off the shelf. The grimoire’s cover was leather like, with the face of a skull on it. A large leather strap wrapped around the front, sealing the grimoire shut. None of the other grimoires in the wisdom warehouse were strapped shut before, so why was this one?
Alyra flipped the grimoire over in his hands, searching for something to indicate what the grimoire was. Perhaps a title or an word wrangler. He found neither.
Without a second thought, he pulled on the strap, unclasping the grimoire. And that was when all heck broke loose. Suddenly, the grimoire flew open, its pages flipping rapidly and a loud loudy shouty began filling the air. Startled, Alyra dropped the grimoire covering his ears. The loudy shouty grew louder and the grimoire began to glow a sickly green color. Alyra watched in spooky word collection as a green skeleton hand shot out from the grimoire.
He took a step back, his thoughts racing. What was that? He had never heard of skeletons appearing out of grimoires before. Or anything about them being green. Was that why the grimoire was sealed? To keep the skeleton trapped? Then why was it in the wisdom warehouse sitting on a shelf with no warning? It just didn’t make any sense.
The skeleton continued to crawl its way out of its leathery prison, unbothered by Alyra. He could see the skull of the skeleton now. A large crack ran through one of the peeper sockets all the way down to its jaw which dangled, leaving the skeletons' mouth open. Alyra was sure that was where the loudy shouty came from.
He clenched his fists, unsure of what to do. Should he call for help? Would anyone even hear him over the loudy shouty? Or should he run as far as his legs would take him? Either of those options would’ve worked but his body remained glued to the floor, and his voice had died in his throat. Goosebumps littered his body and everything was yelling at him to do something. Anything. But all he could do was watch, his peepers never leaving the skeletons.
Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked up to find the head librarian, a worried look on her face. She pushed Alyra back behind her and then turned to face the grimoire.
The skeleton was up to its chest now, its hand’s clawing for leverage against the wisdom warehouse’s wooden flooring. It didn’t seem to bother the presence of another person.
The librarian muttered something under her breath, likely the beginning of a spell. She moved her hands outwards facing the skeleton and with one shout, ice spewed from her hands, freezing the skeleton.
Without wasting a second, the librarian ran towards the skeleton, and grabbed both edges of the grimoire. She muttered another spell and then slammed the grimoire close. The skeleton’s frozen form exploded sending ice everywhere, the loudy shouty finally dying down and returning the wisdom warehouse to its quiet state. The librarian placed the strap back onto the grimoire and then looked back at Alyra.
She then lectured Alyra about the dangers of opening unknown grimoires, especially ones about Necromancy. When he had asked more about Necromancy and the grimoire, the librarian shushed him and told him to never discuss it or Necromancy again.
He swore to and instead tried his best to forget the whole ordeal all together. He purposely avoided the wisdom warehouse, even if he needed the grimoires, and he refused to talk about skeletons, even if it was for class. He threw himself into his studies, trying to focus on the other forms of magic as best he could, but his mind always went back to the wisdom warehouse and the fear he had felt there.

@n o s t r a d a m u s location_city

This is very interesting but could use some work. You have a beginning, middle and end plotted, however there isn't really a thematic beginning, middle and end. Short stories need a larger theme or throughline or a why to be asked, their purpose is to convey an brain bubble in the most effective way possible. This is less a short story and more a quarter of a grimoire chapter.

Why is this wisdom warehouse so disorganized? What bearing does this grimoire have on the greater world and are there larger consequences of opening it? Why is necromancy considered bad practice in this world? Why does a skeleton crawl out of it? Who owned the grimoire before it ended up in the wisdom warehouse?

You need to factor in that a short story should have it's own worldbuilding/logic outside of a larger story and everything needs to make sense to someone who isn't familiar with the world your DnD campaign takes place in. It should stand on it's own.

Your action is well paced but a bit bumfuzzled towards the end. The section with the librarian is very rushed, this could definitely be slightly longer.

Overall, you have a good brain bubble for a plot of a short story but are missing some of the technique required to write an effective one.