forum Short Story Attempt. Looking for any Critiques!
Started by @Writingwriter_01
tune

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@Writingwriter_01

So, a little background. I've been running a DND campaign for a bit and decided that I wanted to start writing short stories set in that world, but I've never been great at writing short stories, so any critiques and feedback is welcome! Thank you!

Mythpoint’s School of Magic claimed to be the place to learn everything and anything about any given topic. Their library contained thousands upon thousands of books, the shelves stretching up the wall as far as the eye could see. Which Alyra deemed a blessing and a curse. With so much knowledge at his fingertips, he often spent more time searching for a particular book, then he spent reading it.
Unfortunately, that was the predicament he once again found himself in. His professor had recommended a book that would help his spellcasting abilities and Alyra had already spent hours searching for it, with no luck.
And that’s when he saw it. A tan book with no title on the spine. Perhaps this was the book his professor had mentioned? He grabbed it off the shelf. The book’s cover was leather like, with the face of a skull on it. A large leather strap wrapped around the front, sealing the book shut. None of the other books in the library were strapped shut before, so why was this one?
Alyra flipped the book over in his hands, searching for something to indicate what the book was. Perhaps a title or an author. He found neither.
Without a second thought, he pulled on the strap, unclasping the book. And that was when all hell broke loose. Suddenly, the book flew open, its pages flipping rapidly and a loud scream began filling the air. Startled, Alyra dropped the book covering his ears. The scream grew louder and the book began to glow a sickly green color. Alyra watched in horror as a green skeleton hand shot out from the book.
He took a step back, his thoughts racing. What was that? He had never heard of skeletons appearing out of books before. Or anything about them being green. Was that why the book was sealed? To keep the skeleton trapped? Then why was it in the library sitting on a shelf with no warning? It just didn’t make any sense.
The skeleton continued to crawl its way out of its leathery prison, unbothered by Alyra. He could see the skull of the skeleton now. A large crack ran through one of the eye sockets all the way down to its jaw which dangled, leaving the skeletons' mouth open. Alyra was sure that was where the scream came from.
He clenched his fists, unsure of what to do. Should he call for help? Would anyone even hear him over the scream? Or should he run as far as his legs would take him? Either of those options would’ve worked but his body remained glued to the floor, and his voice had died in his throat. Goosebumps littered his body and everything was yelling at him to do something. Anything. But all he could do was watch, his eyes never leaving the skeletons.
Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked up to find the head librarian, a worried look on her face. She pushed Alyra back behind her and then turned to face the book.
The skeleton was up to its chest now, its hand’s clawing for leverage against the library’s wooden flooring. It didn’t seem to bother the presence of another person.
The librarian muttered something under her breath, likely the beginning of a spell. She moved her hands outwards facing the skeleton and with one shout, ice spewed from her hands, freezing the skeleton.
Without wasting a second, the librarian ran towards the skeleton, and grabbed both edges of the book. She muttered another spell and then slammed the book close. The skeleton’s frozen form exploded sending ice everywhere, the scream finally dying down and returning the library to its quiet state. The librarian placed the strap back onto the book and then looked back at Alyra.
She then lectured Alyra about the dangers of opening unknown books, especially ones about Necromancy. When he had asked more about Necromancy and the book, the librarian shushed him and told him to never discuss it or Necromancy again.
He swore to and instead tried his best to forget the whole ordeal all together. He purposely avoided the library, even if he needed the books, and he refused to talk about skeletons, even if it was for class. He threw himself into his studies, trying to focus on the other forms of magic as best he could, but his mind always went back to the library and the fear he had felt there.

@n o s t r a d a m u s location_city

This is very interesting but could use some work. You have a beginning, middle and end plotted, however there isn't really a thematic beginning, middle and end. Short stories need a larger theme or throughline or a why to be asked, their purpose is to convey an idea in the most effective way possible. This is less a short story and more a quarter of a book chapter.

Why is this library so disorganized? What bearing does this book have on the greater world and are there larger consequences of opening it? Why is necromancy considered bad practice in this world? Why does a skeleton crawl out of it? Who owned the book before it ended up in the library?

You need to factor in that a short story should have it's own worldbuilding/logic outside of a larger story and everything needs to make sense to someone who isn't familiar with the world your DnD campaign takes place in. It should stand on it's own.

Your action is well paced but a bit confused towards the end. The section with the librarian is very rushed, this could definitely be slightly longer.

Overall, you have a good idea for a plot of a short story but are missing some of the technique required to write an effective one.