This is a very rough draft for a character that I'm working on. I haven't included everything in this yet. However, I would love to see how the critiques and suggestions work on here. I don't care if you're blunt about the character, I just as that the feedback at least has information. "I don't like it." "There are mistakes." Statements like that don't help me much. The background is kinda bad right now, because I'm having a lot of bad things happen right now.
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/582084#!
This character seems… fine? I understand the story for her and I see how she acts and what her mannerisms are, but I feel that there needs to be some inciting incident included in the notes section. Something that lets you, specifically, know "okay, this is Eden, and this is why she's in this adventure."
Other nitpicky details:
When it comes to the character description, I feel that you could go into more detail. Go with head, shoulders, arms and hands, torso (includes chest, stomach, waist), legs, and feet. This will really flesh out the design and what you think she should look like. You've already got a pretty good start on this.
Include the detail that she is confused with her twin sister, which is why she's called Ruby on occasion. "Eden! Ruby! Whoever you are! Clean the dishes!"
@@Wanheda
I'm gonna critique this character, if only because I'm bored.
I agree with Yamatsu. You need to clarify why one of her nicknames is Ruby. Maybe you could include something such as, Ruby (her twin sisters name, often confused with hers), or something along those lines.
I love how much detail that you put into "Nature", but "fear" isn't really an in-depth motivation. Fear of what? Please specify. In History, what does it mean by an "illegal child"? I enjoy the background, but can you elaborate on her story a little bit? I'm not quite sure on why she's illegal, or what these housing "units" are for?
Otherwise, great character :)
