@Reblod flag
Hello, I have returned with the same chapter I've put here many times. I found the previous version to be inconsistent so I made some large edits. Tell me what you think. Don't hold back because the most brutally honest comments help me the most.
Metal clashed and rang through Louise’s sensitive ears.
Her muscles ached with diminishing vitality.
She raised her arms to deflect another attack. The sword screeched against her bracers, forcing her back. She stumbled and only barely caught herself. The elf aimed a kick at her stomach. His boot connected with her armour. She hit the ground hard, her head slamming back, making her vision swim.
The elf stepped closer and lifted his blade. Louise brought her bracers up to meet the blows. He should have run her through but he only brought the sword down over and over. A groan escaped Louise’s lungs. The wet earth soaked into her back, her throbbing wings flailing weakly. Blood from a wound she couldn’t feel dripped into her eyes. The grimacing face of her assailant blurred into redness. Louise sneered and dropped her defence to scramble back. A foot slammed into her chest, forcing her back down. Her energy trickled away and she went limp, waiting for the final strike. It never came. The sudden nauseating warmth of the elf’s blood sprayed onto her face. She gagged and moved to avoid the now lifeless body crumpling into the dirt. Louise stared at the corpse, eyes wide. Something moved in the corner of her vision. Her head snapped up and her hand shook as she wiped the blood away. The tall figure of a human soldier came into focus. He reached forward with a gentle hand, slick with gore, and pulled her onto her feet.
“Aaryan.” A raspy cough rattled in her lungs. “I never thought I’d be glad to see you but here I am, glad to see you,” Louise panted.
“Same ‘ere. T’ought ye ‘ad gone te the Void.” He glanced over his shoulder, seeming distracted. His rich voice was laced with an emotion Louise couldn't identify in the heat the moment. Her heart still thundered wildly.
She caught her breath enough to look around at the battle. The fighting wasn’t far away. The heavy stench of blood and sweat tainted the salty air. Cold dew sunk into cloth. Steel clashing sang through the tiny glade, nullifying the distant noise of waves breaking on the shore. Blood pooled on the ground and slashed crimson stains on the trees. Corpses lay strewn across the ground. They were mostly humans.
“Orders, Commander?”
Louise’s eyes snapped to Aaryan’s cool brown ones. How he always remained so calm was beyond her.
“Retreat…we have to retreat. We don’t stand a chance.”
"Good te see ye 'ave grown sense over t'e years," Aaryan grinned. He winked at her and dashed away, no doubt to save more lives. Louise watched him go for a moment. She stifled a sigh and swiped at the sweat that trickled down her face, before she slowly, painfully, lifted her bloodied wings over her head.
“Fall back! Retreat! Everyone, retreat!” Her call rose above the noise of battle.
Her soldiers responded, slowly at first. Their enemies didn’t let them go so easily. Louise’s weary muscles twitched but she wouldn’t be much help in her state. Still, she could feel her strength returning. She straightened and scowled but she was still too tired feel much. But when she was ready, they would suffer for their arrogance. An eagle wailed from somewhere above. Her blood went cold but only for a moment before she relaxed. The eagle was large - golden brown feathers shining even in the weak light. It was Ignavess. He swooped down and landed on the ground next to Louise. He clacked his beak and bobbed his head westward. Louise flinched as her apprehension returned. An angel. Why would an angel come to a border skirmish?
“I’ll handle it,” Louise said to him in Fletan. Ignavess gave her a sharp look. “I will,” she insisted, “and you will distract the phoenix.”
She sensed reluctance through their bond but there was an acknowledgement too. Ignavess flew away.
Louise glanced at the battleground. Her presence hadn’t drawn any attention yet. She flexed her flight muscles and leapt up, wings pummelling the air in a desperate attempt to make her airborne. Louise cringed at the weakness in her muscles and almost crashed back to earth but she prevailed and soon she was several metres into the air.
A few sets of eyes turned towards the flurry of wingbeats. They didn’t move. Some of them muttered to each other but she couldn’t hear them. It was…unsettling. Not only that but the glade from the height she had reached looked more red than green. She scanned over the bodies. What a waste. Over something so small. With a few more beats of her wings, Louise rose above the canopy of trees.
With her view freed from the dense forest she could see two figures in the distance. They were approaching with a speed that hinted at the use of magic. She drew in a deep breath. An amateur. Good. Ignavess surged past her, the eagle changing into a giant firebird. He bellowed out a bone-shuddering cry as he bore down on the other phoenix. Louise felt the breath leaving Ignavess’s lungs as he collided with his enemy. Her attention was dragged back to the other angel who was now diving towards her with rage twisting his face. Louise hesitated before moving into a battle stance. He was so young. His wings were dark brown, that might have passed as black, speckled with bright orange. His honey-coloured eyes burned with hate. Louise understood why.
“Traitor!” He screeched as his body hit hers.
Their metallic talons locked together. Louise ignored the shudder that ran through her, wrenching herself around and spinning the angel away from her. She dove and he followed, plunging straight down, talons outstretched. Was he even trained? Louise caught herself and arced up. With one powerful wingbeat, she shot skyward and glanced down. The other angel followed with unrelenting fury. Louise waited. He didn’t catch on to her plan. When he was close enough, Louise snapped her wings to the side and dropped. She landed on the young angel’s shoulders and jumped off him. He lost his balance and, despite his desperate flailing, fell. Louise went with him, snatching one of his arms and yanking him towards her. Her hand closed around his throat. Desperate fear flashed in his eyes. He flung his arms out and raked his claws across her chest plate but it did little to stop his opponent. Louise dug her own talons into the tender flesh of his neck and tore through, crunching through the bone. Blood gurgled up into his mouth as the light in his rich brown eyes faded. Louise shoved him into the open air. His feathers flickered, changing from brown to white, closely followed by his hair and then his eyes. Ignavess called from behind her. Louise peered around to see the other phoenix turning to ash in his claws.
Her companion approached and offered his back to her. She practically collapsed into his warm, soft feathers. A deep rumble emanated from beneath her. Louise relaxed.
Not all are dead. They will be waiting for you, Ignavess’ warm voice echoed in her mind.
“Were they followed?”
I did not see but there is no sign of the elves.
Louise sighed. The rhythmic thumping of Ignavess’ wings had her eyelids drooping but the phoenix gently shook himself before she drifted off.
“We should find them,” she said, her words slurring.
Good idea.
