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forum Random write I did, can someone critique it?
Started by Emmalee
tune

people_alt 18 followers

Emmalee

Here it goes, anything helps!!

“Do you still have your blindfold on?

His voice remained steady despite his shaking hands that worked at his bonds behind me.

“Yeah”

“Promise me you won’t take it off”

The hands stopped.

“Wh..Why?”

I can't tell him

“Aria, please”

God, I hated to do this to him.

It's better than the alternative

I can't tell him. His sunken eyes were tortured enough. The image of Grey lying there would be forever ingrained in my mind, I wouldn't be the one to let it mar his. Caspian had loved his little sister more than I knew possible. I can't tell him. He can't see this.
He shouldn’t have ever seen her hands, her perfect, glorious, pianist hands that had once danced across the ivory keys mangled and broken. The once delicate curve of her chest now crushed and caved in. Her shoulder torn into. The beautiful red smile that belonged on her lips that had slid down to lie cruelly on her pale throat.
He shouldn't have ever seen the empty look in her eyes or her face speckled with blood. But he did. I held back tears as the ropes fell from his hands. I didn't have to turn to know when he took off his blindfold.
He whispered her name.
Three times he called her.
“Grey-oh god no. Please no! God, not Grey! Please anyone but her!”
By now he was screaming.
His face began to turn purple as he continued to cry out, tears of anguish poured down his cheeks as he mourned. He dropped to his knees by her side as he continued to sob. Caspian reached his shaking hand out to touch her face. Why didn't I stop him?
His hand dropped from her face and he gently stroked her broken fingers. He continued to shake but as he turned to face me I could see his mourning had turned to fury. His angel eyes now belonged to a monster.
“Come on, Aria. We’re getting out of this hell hole.”
Caspian removed the small pocket knife he kept in his boot. Against my will, I found myself shying away from his touch. I cursed myself silently. What was I doing? Even in this madness, he would never hurt me…right? He cut through the remaining ropes silently. After staring at the blade in his hand for a few moments he threw it across the room in anger.
“I will make them pay”
He threw a heated look my direction and limped out the door. Even as I followed him into the brightly lit hallway I knew my best friend had died along with his sister.

@WriteOutofTime

gasp that was so sad. I really enjoyed it, though. The narrative is very realistic and not too wordy –just right, imo. You really drew on the emotional aspect instead of action-detail-dialogue, which is a nice mix up. Well done! I lowkey (highkey) want to read more.