forum Post your stories here and find ones to critique and review!
Started by @StoriesHaveNoLimits
tune

people_alt 2 followers

Deleted user

@TheHufflepuffThatWatchesAnime

Walking through the abandoned, trashed school comforted me. I have always loved the dark and my friends that dwelled within it. My echoing footsteps that shattered the silence, the whispers that crawled within in my ears, and the eyes that traced my pale skin, all of it welcomed me.
Nothing flowed through me. No emotion. No skip or fast-paced gait. My arms dangled next to my straight-backed posture. My head hung low so I stared at the dusty floor. Barefoot footprints that were the size of a small child disrupted the dust.
I stopped as I saw a shattered mirror that laid right before my feet. For just a moment, I stared but then I leaned over and grasped a shard. I cocked my head just enough to read my reflection. My eyes were black and empty. My thin lips had no trace of a smile. My ink black hair covered my eyes just a bit. All I wore was a plain black purple dress that hung just barely below my knees.
“Disgusted by your reflection, Midnight Ink? Not surprised, I would be too if I had the looks of you. Depressed, dark, and expressionless,” I glanced up and a small girl the age of myself stood in the pathway on which I traveled.
She had long curly brown hair and a smile that sharpened the corners of her mouth. She had a rounded and rosy face. Her outfit consisted of a long honey color dress that draped far behind her. She wore glowing heals, and a halo shimmered bright above her head. It was unnecessary but she carried a lacy white umbrella with her.
“Sunshine Fawn, good to see you too,” my monotone voice echoed through the hallow building.
“Oh no, trust me, demon, I am not pleased to stumbled upon your wretched face again,” the smile was still plastered to her face.
I could feel the righteousness flowing off her. It disgusted me. The brightness, her smile, everything just angered me.
“Shall we end this? I am tired of your blinding selfishness.” I glared deeply at the angel that stood before me.
“Oh, Honey, I help others by getting rid of your kind. I don’t see how I am selfish.”
My eyes narrowed, “My kind is better than yours, more superior.
She laughed, “Inky, I can’t even tell you how backwards that is.”
I was tired of her glowyness and I wanted my darkness back, so I striked. Moving my hand outward my friends crawled from the shadows. Their thin arms and legs sped across the floor, and their voices grumbled in hunger. Cuts covered their bodies. Sunshine Fawn giggled.
“Oh, Midnight Ink, I thought you had more than that.”
Her dress transformed to silver armor and the umbrella she held molded into a zweihander. She swung her blade and chopped all the demons in half. She smiled cutely.
Glaring, out of the pitch black I clutched my scythe.
“Yeah, it’s just like the old days, huh, Inky?” Sunshine Fawn gave me a determined smile.
I stepped toward her dragging my weapon behind me. The screeching of the metal on the stone floor deafened her. She clutched her ears and winced. I smiled and lunged off the floor. The powerful jumped aroused the dust and created a dirt cloud, which blinded Sunshine Fawn.
I came down swinging my scythe where Sunshine had once stood. As soon as I came down, the dust fluttered down as well. My scythe was embedded in the cement floor. Behind me, I heard a yell in determination. I turned just in time to see Sunshine’s sword’s hilt hit my face. I was flung backwards empty handed,. Forced tears blurred my vision.
“Please, Fawny,” I begged her.
“Fine,” she sighed and looked down at me, “I’ll spare your pathetic soul.” She turned on her heal, her armor clinking to her movement.
My fake tears evaporated the moment she turned, “I won’t spare yours though,” I constructed another scythe and swung at Fawn, she flopped to the floor with a soulless thud, “The simpleness of angels offend me.”

@StoriesHaveNoLimits

@TheGhostlyHufflepuffThatWatchesAnime
Wow! Where should I start! That was amazing! I loved it. I really liked the way it was told from the perspective of Midnight Ink. Most stories would have told it from Sunshine Fawn. One thing though, when you said "The powerful jumped" did you mean "The powerful jump"??
I'd love to read more! I think that's the only think off about the story. Well done!
-Cleo

Deleted user

Walking through the abandoned, trashed school comforted me. I have always loved the dark and my friends that dwelled within it. My echoing footsteps that shattered the silence, the whispers that crawled within in my ears, and the eyes that traced my pale skin, all of it welcomed me.
Nothing flowed through me. No emotion. No skip or fast-paced gait. My arms dangled next to my straight-backed posture. My head hung low so I stared at the dusty floor. Barefoot footprints that were the size of a small child disrupted the dust.
I stopped as I saw a shattered mirror that laid right before my feet. For just a moment, I stared but then I leaned over and grasped a shard. I cocked my head just enough to read my reflection. My eyes were black and empty. My thin lips had no trace of a smile. My ink black hair covered my eyes just a bit. All I wore was a plain black purple dress that hung just barely below my knees.
“Disgusted by your reflection, Midnight Ink? Not surprised, I would be too if I had the looks of you. Depressed, dark, and expressionless,” I glanced up and a small girl the age of myself stood in the pathway on which I traveled.
She had long curly brown hair and a smile that sharpened the corners of her mouth. She had a rounded and rosy face. Her outfit consisted of a long honey color dress that draped far behind her. She wore glowing heals, and a halo shimmered bright above her head. It was unnecessary but she carried a lacy white umbrella with her.
“Sunshine Fawn, good to see you too,” my monotone voice echoed through the hallow building.
“Oh no, trust me, demon, I am not pleased to stumbled upon your wretched face again,” the smile was still plastered to her face.
I could feel the righteousness flowing off her. It disgusted me. The brightness, her smile, everything just angered me.
“Shall we end this? I am tired of your blinding selfishness.” I glared deeply at the angel that stood before me.
“Oh, Honey, I help others by getting rid of your kind. I don’t see how I am selfish.”
My eyes narrowed, “My kind is better than yours, more superior.
She laughed, “Inky, I can’t even tell you how backwards that is.”
I was tired of her glowyness and I wanted my darkness back, so I striked. Moving my hand outward my friends crawled from the shadows. Their thin arms and legs sped across the floor, and their voices grumbled in hunger. Cuts covered their bodies. Sunshine Fawn giggled.
“Oh, Midnight Ink, I thought you had more than that.”
Her dress transformed to silver armor and the umbrella she held molded into a zweihander. She swung her blade and chopped all the demons in half. She smiled cutely.
Glaring, out of the pitch black I clutched my scythe.
“Yeah, it’s just like the old days, huh, Inky?” Sunshine Fawn gave me a determined smile.
I stepped toward her dragging my weapon behind me. The screeching of the metal on the stone floor deafened her. She clutched her ears and winced. I smiled and lunged off the floor. The powerful jumped aroused the dust and created a dirt cloud, which blinded Sunshine Fawn.
I came down swinging my scythe where Sunshine had once stood. As soon as I came down, the dust fluttered down as well. My scythe was embedded in the cement floor. Behind me, I heard a yell in determination. I turned just in time to see Sunshine’s sword’s hilt hit my face. I was flung backwards empty handed,. Forced tears blurred my vision.
“Please, Fawny,” I begged her.
“Fine,” she sighed and looked down at me, “I’ll spare your pathetic soul.” She turned on her heal, her armor clinking to her movement.
My fake tears evaporated the moment she turned, “I won’t spare yours though,” I constructed another scythe and swung at Fawn, she flopped to the floor with a soulless thud, “The simpleness of angels offend me.”

I really like your story!! I really like the action, and you can clearly read both of their emotions. You can tell that they have more contempt than anger, which I think is an interesting read on most angel vs. demon battles. Just what to know, what's up with the names? How did you come up with them?

Deleted user

(okay! just want to know, are you a marvel fan? sorry, the story won't make much sense if you aren't because it's a fanfiction)

@TheHufflepuffThatWatchesAnime

@TheGhostlyHufflepuffThatWatchesAnime
Wow! Where should I start! That was amazing! I loved it. I really liked the way it was told from the perspective of Midnight Ink. Most stories would have told it from Sunshine Fawn. One thing though, when you said "The powerful jumped" did you mean "The powerful jump"??
I'd love to read more! I think that's the only think off about the story. Well done!
-Cleo

Thank you! Yes, lol just a little typo :P

@TheHufflepuffThatWatchesAnime

I really like your story!! I really like the action, and you can clearly read both of their emotions. You can tell that they have more contempt than anger, which I think is an interesting read on most angel vs. demon battles. Just what to know, what's up with the names? How did you come up with them?

Thank you so much! So I wanted their names to be colors. Like Ink and Fawn. Then my stories title is Sunshine & Midnight. So, I put the two together and created their names. ^w^