forum My favorite short story (by me). Any thoughts?
Started by @RaspberryTea group
tune

people_alt 71 followers

@RaspberryTea group

I had stolen from them, and they were not happy, it was more apparent on the judge’s face than usual. The crime I had committed was inexcusable.
It was simple. They would never be able to get that memory back, I had it now, they used to know the codes and now I did.
The trial was coming to a close and I’d been sentenced to something I didn’t care about too much, a bunch of money and jail time or something. I could just steal more or escape if I wanted. The judge had already made any last decisions and I was happy with them, it could have been way worse.
That’s when my accuser, having collected their papers, stood up and walked over to the judge to whisper something. After a moment of anticipation the judge nodded. All seemed normal, nothing changed, nothing could change anyways. On the way out I was motioned to follow one of the guards, who led me out the back door into a well lit hallway. I noticed tables with lamps or plants on them every twenty feet or so.
“Where are we going?” I asked
No response.
“Hello?”
Nothing.
In that moment I panicked, if nothing was up I would have gotten an answer. Were they going to kill me? But they couldn’t, they said it wouldn’t happen. Regardless of what logic said, instincts kicked in and the beginnings of an escape plan barreled its way towards the front of my brain. Was it better to ask him for an answer or not say anything? If I stayed quiet I might avoid his gaze and up my chances at survival. I knew I would regret raising his awareness if they really were thinking about killing me.
We approached the room where they did it. Preparing to run I slowed down, then watched the guard walk right past it. Whew, I had forgotten there’s usually a back exit, they didn’t want people getting upset and protesting over my release, that’s all. Relieved, I caught up to him. About 20 feet of yellow hallway later, he turned around, opened a door and without a word violently grabbed me by the shirt and threw me inside before I had time to think. The door slammed behind me, and one by one, several locks and what sounded like a vault door clicked and locked me inside. Confused and scared, I looked around. Here’s what I noticed: The door was soundproof, and judging by the feel of the floor so was everything else. There were no windows, at least none that led outside. In addition to that it was dark, really dark.
That’s when the light turned on, I observed a perfectly white room with a metal door behind me, and another in front. What was this? An interrogation? The trial is over. I almost found it funny, then as if the room itself responded, I remembered something and grew nervous, then uneasy, then scared. I had never seen this room before but something let me know this was not a place I wanted to be. I started to search my memories for anything related to a white room, and found one. It was one of the memories I had stolen from the man who had gotten me thrown in here just a few minutes ago. He had worked on designing this room, and came up with the concept. So now it looked like I was part of their science experiment.
I spent the night on the ground. When I woke up I found a plate of food sitting in front of me. If they wanted to kill me they would have already tried, so I ate it. I kept the metal plate when I was finished, searched for cameras, and found none. Great, as far as I knew I was alone and had a metal plate, and several sharp objects and multiple tools on me they hadn’t found. That meant I had everything I needed to escape whatever this was, It was almost too easy.
Suddenly darkness flooded the room. I ran for the other side thinking someone else was about to be thrown in with me. But nobody entered and the lights remained off, until they flickered, revealing a cold stone floor with sand blowing over the top. The little light that had been there a second ago flashed again to reveal a towering figure in a mask, but only for a split second. I whipped out a knife I had hidden inside my shirt and pointed it outward, backing towards the wall. In the darkness I stayed still, waiting for my eyes to adjust, hoping I hadn’t been noticed. I took a quiet step to the right, in the direction of the door I entered through, and felt that it was slippery. Deciding that was a bad direction to go in I stepped in the other direction, again, as quietly as I could. I slipped another knife, also a very elaborate piece, out from my waist. Crouched down I waited for anything, a sound, a bit of light, hope. One of my feet slipped and kicked a stone. That's when I realized the dimensions of the room hadn't changed, meaning I was still in the building.
“Still bitter?” I said.
The man who had me locked in here was probably listening. Of course there was no response, but at least they would know I figured them out. I heard steps, slowly, they were soft, small, but came down with a harsh scraping sound. The lights flickered again and this time a long hallway, again filled with sand and a gentle breeze, was made available. How much had this cost them? I walked slowly down the hallway waiting for a sound which would indicate another person. There were none, the light continued to flicker very rapidly every ten or so seconds. When I got to the end the lights stopped completely, and I heard a soft voice.
“Hello” it said almost soothingly.
I remained silent.
“My name is Eternity. We’ve met before, when you were young.”
“Do you mean Death?” I asked. I had remembered being very close to only a few people, but all of them had been lost early on. Ever since I had been distrustful of strangers, and friends.
“No.” It sounded annoyed, “Death is more forgiving than I am.”
“Show yourself,” I demanded. The voice had honestly scared me, even though I knew it wasn’t real.
“Don’t be foolish,” it said, “We both know you don’t want that.”
“You're an illusion, so it won't matter.”
“Let me show you something.”
The lights went out and I saw parts of my life, memories, always in motion. They appeared out of sand, forming one, then the next, until my entire life had just flashed before my eyes. I expected it to stop there but it continued, becoming more and more real. Colors flashed by revealing fragments of memories I had never had. images of a small black object seemed to dominate them, followed by a harsh light that would have blinded me a hundred times over had I not shut my eyes and looked away. I saw people vanish into crimson red dust, others burned by the light, the earth parched and broken. Then I saw me, I was sitting at a desk, the only one in the room who was alive. I was crying, face in my hands with nothing I could do to stop or take back everything. The visions in the sand showed me more and more painful pieces of fear and regret. My feet stuttered and I almost fell backwards in astonishment. The last scene showed the same person sitting besides a fertile lake, debris all around, face covered in scrapes and dust. The look on their face was one of sorrow, they were staring out at the other side of the lake searching for meaning, wishing they could go with everyone else.
“Why would you show me this!” I screamed. I had never been so shaken in my entire life. I ran and pounded on the walls, the door, anything, as long as this nightmare was over. Screaming for help I could feel the tears run down my face. I could almost hear each individual one drip on the floor.
“We are going to be very good friends, you and I.” said Eternity.
“No, we will never get along, we will forever be enemies. One day I will die, then I’ll know you were lying.” I said this in between sobs and watched the darkness consume everything I knew, all I wanted was not to be alone. The voice had moved me to tears, tears that had been held back for years. The thing that wasn’t real had been able to realize my greatest fears and I snapped like a twig, ending up wishing I had been killed in the room down the hall, it would have been less painful. As these thoughts were going through my head I began to feel something I hadn’t felt before. I had been taught about happiness, sadness, anger, and fear, but somehow everyone failed to mention this one. It grew so strong within me that I simultaneously lost everything and discovered something important. A power inside me I never knew I had had woken up, and I began to build, separating the inside of the room from everything else. I was still inside but I could feel myself leaving, departing from this universe. My mind longed for someone else, someone who would understand, or even just someone to talk to. The voice that was eternity had left, I looked back using the little strength I had left, the oxygen was dispersing in the vacuum. I saw a small ball of ice in the distance, with trees growing on it. There was an ambient light that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Something whispered to me, thanks is what it said. That's when I began to calm down. I floated through space, my bones frozen.
“They should be ready now,” he said.
The guard nodded. He walked the man and the judge down to the thick metal door, expecting to find a lost, broken person inside who would be willing to return the nuclear codes. The man pulled out his key and tried the lock. It opened, but it was stuck, something was preventing it from opening.
“Why is it stuck,” he demanded.
“I… I don't know.”
The man sighed.
“Get me the tool.”
The judge snapped his fingers and the guard ran down and into another room, reemerging seconds later with a handheld laser. He promptly handed it over to the man, who turned it on and shot a laser at an angle through the door. Once he had finished, the piece, shockingly, slid back into the room, quite fast. What they found surprised them, the room was empty and air rushed in as soon as it opened. There was no person, no anything to indicate someone was there, but there were vibrations. Noise was the only thing left behind.

@RaspberryTea group

  1. thank you so much!
  2. here is another version, which includes an alternate ending in which the MC's vision ends up being true.

I had stolen from them, and they were not happy, it was more apparent on the judge’s face than usual. The crime I had committed was inexcusable. It was simple. They would never be able to get that memory back, I had it now, they used to know the codes and now I did.
The trial was coming to a close and I had been sentenced to something I didn’t care about too much, a bunch of money and jail time or something. I could just steal more or escape if I wanted. The judge had already made any last decisions and I was happy with them, it could have been way worse.
That’s when my accuser, having collected their papers, stood up and walked over to the judge to whisper something. After a moment of anticipation the judge nodded. All seemed normal, nothing changed, nothing could change. On the way out I was motioned to follow one of the guards, who led me out the back door into a well lit hallway. I noticed tables with lamps or plants on them every twenty feet or so.
“Where are we going?” I asked
No response.
“Hello?”
Nothing.
In that moment I panicked, if nothing was up I would have gotten an answer. Were they going to kill me? But they couldn’t, they said it wouldn’t happen. Regardless of what logic said, instincts kicked in and the beginnings of an escape plan barreled its way towards the front of my brain. Was it better to ask him for an answer or not say anything? If I stayed quiet I might avoid his gaze and up my chances at survival. I knew I would regret raising his awareness if they really were thinking about killing me.
We approached the room where they did it. Preparing to run I slowed down, then watched the guard walk right past it. I had forgotten there’s usually a back exit, they didn’t want people getting upset and protesting over my release, that’s all. Relieved, I caught up to him. About 20 feet of yellow hallway later, he turned around, opened a door and without a word violently grabbed me by the shirt and threw me inside. The door slammed behind me, and one by one, several locks and what sounded like a vault door clicked and locked me inside. Confused and scared, I looked around. Here’s what I noticed: The door was soundproof, and judging by the feel of the floor so was everything else. There were no windows, at least none that led outside. In addition to that it was dark, really dark.
That’s when the light turned on, I observed a perfectly white room with a metal door behind me, and another in front. What was this? An interrogation? The trial is over. I almost found it funny, then as if the room itself responded, I remembered something and grew nervous, then uneasy, then scared. I had never seen this room before but something let me know this was not a place I wanted to be. I started to search my memories for anything related to a white room, and found one. It was one of the memories I had stolen from the man who had gotten me thrown in here just a few minutes ago. He had worked on designing this room, and came up with the concept. So now it looked like I was part of their science experiment.
I spent the night on the ground. When I woke up I found a plate of food sitting in front of me. If they wanted to kill me they would have already tried, so I ate it. I kept the metal plate when I was finished, searched for cameras, and found none. Great, as far as I knew I was alone and had a metal plate, and several sharp objects and multiple tools on me they hadn’t found. That meant I had everything I needed to escape whatever this was, It was almost too easy.
Suddenly darkness flooded the room. I ran for the other side thinking someone else was about to be thrown in with me. But nobody entered and the lights remained off, until they flickered, revealing a cold stone floor with sand blowing over the top. The little light that had been there a second ago flashed again to reveal a towering figure in a mask, but only for a split second. I whipped out a knife I had hidden inside my shirt and pointed it outward, backing towards the wall. In the darkness I stayed still, waiting for my eyes to adjust, hoping I hadn’t been noticed. I took a quiet step to the right, in the direction of the door I entered through, and felt that it was slippery. Deciding that was a bad direction to go in I stepped in the other direction, again, as quietly as I could. I slipped another knife, also a very elaborate piece, out from my waist. Crouched down I waited for anything, a sound, a bit of light, hope. One of my feet slipped and kicked a stone. That's when I realized the dimensions of the room hadn't changed, meaning I was still in the building.
“Still bitter?” I said.
The man who had me locked in here was probably listening. Of course there was no response, but at least they would know I figured them out. I heard steps, slowly, they were soft, small, but came down with a harsh scraping sound. The lights flickered again and this time a long hallway, again filled with sand and a gentle breeze, was made available. How much had this cost them? I walked slowly down the hallway waiting for a sound which would indicate another person. There were none, the light continued to flicker very rapidly every ten or so seconds. When I got to the end the lights stopped completely, and I heard a soft voice.
“Hello” it said almost soothingly.
I remained silent.
“My name is Eternity. We’ve met before, when you were young.”
“Do you mean Death?” I asked. I had remembered being very close to only a few people, but all of them had been lost early on. Ever since I had been distrustful of strangers, and friends.
“No.” It sounded annoyed, “Death is more forgiving than I am.”
“Show yourself,” I demanded. The voice had honestly scared me, even though I knew it wasn’t real.
“Don’t be foolish,” it said, “We both know you don’t want that.”
“You're an illusion, so it won't matter.”
“Let me show you something.”
The lights went out and I saw parts of my life, memories, always in motion. They appeared out of sand, forming one, then the next, until my entire life had just flashed before my eyes. I expected it to stop there but it continued, becoming more and more real. Colors flashed by revealing fragments of memories I had never had. images of a small black object seemed to dominate them, followed by a harsh light that would have blinded me a hundred times over had I not shut my eyes and looked away. I saw people vanish into crimson red dust, others burned by the light, the earth parched and broken. Then I saw me, I was sitting at a desk, the only one in the room who was alive. I was crying, face in my hands with nothing I could do to stop or take back everything. The visions in the sand showed me more and more painful pieces of fear and regret. My feet stuttered and I almost fell backwards in astonishment. The last scene showed the same person sitting besides a fertile lake, debris all around, face covered in scrapes and dust. The look on their face was one of sorrow, they were staring out at the other side of the lake searching for meaning, wishing they could go with everyone else.
While this spectacle was taking place I started walking around, I had seen more than enough and was ready to leave. Feeling along the wall, I found the door on the back, and taking out a thin strip of metal proceeded to unlock it, avoiding any alarms. I pushed gently on the door, which creaked open. I pressed forwards just enough to see what was outside: a hallway with nobody in it, and an exit in the back. I could run.
“Ok, 3, 2…. Now!” I thought .
I started running. Silently, of course. The exit started to get closer, it was almost here, just a few more steps…
Someone called out, “Hey!”
They were too late though, I was already out the door.
Light flashed from everywhere all at once, I forgot how dark it was inside the building.

So that’s it, there I was sitting with the world literally at my fingertips.
“Don’t think about it.”
I took a deep breath.
I was sweating, staring down at the little red button.
“I thought it would be bigger,” I whispered
Time slowed down, my hand automatically inched up to flip open the glass casing.
I touched the front of it, it was cold. It felt so smooth, so elegant. It clicked, then swiveled up until it rested on the controls. The button was facing me, taking its first breath of air. It wanted so badly to be pushed, and I really wanted to push it.
“What if this isn’t the best idea?” I thought.
The room continued to be silent. I liked that. My head turned to look at the horizon.
I just wanted it to be quiet out there too. I let my hand rest on the panel. The lights dimmed, and so did the windows, until they became black. I couldn’t see anything, then a flash came from every direction. Everything previously darker lit up, and everything was white, then whiter. The ground shook violently. My eardrums felt like they would burst despite the soundproofed walls.
“It’s done,” I whispered, although it would have been impossible to hear. The light began to subside, it got increasingly dark, until I couldn’t see.
A minute of waiting, and then the windows began to clear up. I had to squint before my eyes adjusted. Outside everything was different, plenty of trees had been torn or ripped from the ground, the grass was scorched, and the lake looked noticeably lower and steaming. It was relatively bright for the amount of clouds in the sky, which took mostly circular shapes, as expected.
Having no one else in the world felt isolating, like knowing that they were there in the first place made it that much lonelier.

A journal by Ainsley, on lakeside thoughts:
It’s been what, 2 years now? I can’t take it. I’m sitting on a rock, staring across the lake at old mountain houses, long abandoned. I'm firmly convinced there is no place I can go without being reminded of humanity. I thought without as much humanity the world could be itself. With less people we should have been able to fix everything. What I didn’t realize is that in order to be free we need other people, but they don’t exist anymore. So even though nobody will ever read this I want you to know I'm sorry, I’ve set you all free from the material world, imprisoned myself, and we are all worse off for it. That being said, I'm leaving. I know of a well to the earth's core, previously used for scientific research, now it will become my final gift to the planet. I wish you good luck, I hope I end up making a difference.